i guess i'm doing this for lots of reasons but one that i tell myself is that it's better to do it here than to actual carry it out. i know that's not God would do if he were me. I know that i cannot even contemplate doing anything against the OW because it would not help the situation at all but i still think about it. So i'm going to treat this post as a form of therapy because i know this is not what God would want and SH would advise against it. so with that being said.

1-i've thought about taking out an add in the paper with her name and what she's doing.
2-getting some people to put a huge sign/poster, probably 3ftx20ft in front of her house (which is also her parents house) saying her name and what she's doing, she lives on a "major" highway.
3-sending a letter to all the people that live on the road she lives on, maybe for 2 miles in each direction, many of the people that live on that road are her family i think. the letter would basically say what she's doing and that i want to fight for my M.
4-having a sign outside her work (if she works) saying what she's doing.
5-sending her family a couple of videos, a video my H sent to me while he was overseas shortly before we were married (nothing xrated but does talk about masturbation, we were separated after all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ), and our wedding video (we just had a little ceremony but i had a dress and he had a tux).
5-sending her family pictures of me and my H through out the years.
6-sending her family copies of some of the cards and letters my H has sent to me over the years.
7-exposing the A to whatever church she goes to, i personally don't think she goes to a "typical" church from what my H has said but belongs to a "religion" that i'd rather not mention here.
8-have everyone in my H's family either call her and her family, have them send letters, or emails.
9-send a letter to all her college professors and the people in her class what she's doing.

yes, i do feel a little better now and most importantly i didn't act on any of these. thanks!

<small>[ April 02, 2004, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

All I want to do is get my wife back because snappydo (OM) will be DV on Monday and if my W comes back he will be on his own and can have a little pity party for himself. Even though i would like to beat the living heck out of him, but I won't I have pictures in my head of my wife with him at the hospital saying "oh you poor baby, I'll be here to nurse you back to health" (yuck)

I thought about sending the OW a tee-shirt that said: "Number 1 Homewrecker"

and on the back it would say: "Your husband is mine".

Unfortunately for me,all the people that HW hangs around with and works with don't give two cents that she's a destructive homewrecker and even her parents are supporting this.One of them,don't know if it was the father or mother,had an A and I believe she is the end result.PUKE!

Oh well,it just makes my blood boil to think of that person so I try not to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

O

rr - you forgot one

10. calling the [select a sexually transmitted disease] hotline and request they send information on how to determine if you're infected or where to be tested. Provide her name and address.

Roughroad, I'm having a hard time seeing anything wrong with your suggestions.

1-ad in the paper: Sure. Here's your text. "OW is having an affair with my husband. I love my husband and want to remain married to him. If you know OW, please support her in ending her affair with my husband. If you know me and my husband, please support us in this difficult time. Signed, Mrs. Roughroad."

2. sign/poster in front of her house: Same text would work fine.

3. Letters to all the people on their road: Sure! Ditto on the text.

4. sign outside her work: Yep!

5. videos? Well, no. Why bother giving them something to gossip about. Just enclose a copy of one of your wedding pictures with the letter.

5. Sending her family pictures: Just the one will do.

6. Copies of cards and letters ... Nah. Pictures are worth a thousand words.

7. Exposing to whatever church she goes to: Absolutely! You sound like you don't have much respect for it, but most religions do have an ethical basis. Ethical people, on the other hand, are always hard to find. Still, it's worth a try.

8. ...everyone in my H's family call ... Would they do that? The more talk about this affair and ending it, the better.

9. to all her college professors and the people in her class: How about just the professors, if you think they'd be influential.

Its good to vent about doing those things RR. I've actually thought about spray painting OW's house (its a nice house, too) with the words "A selfish, inconsiderate, HOMEWRECKER lives here."

But, she has 3 kids, so I'd never do that! But sometimes, it just feels good to THINK about doing those things. I've also thought about storming in on a board meeting and letting her have it in front of all the precious board members that she tries so hard to impress.

well, i must say that i'm delighted at all the quick replies!

tinman-hang in there
octobergirl-good one about the T-shirt
WAT-that is such a good idea! very invitinig
JustJ-Wow! i'm surprised that YOU actually think some of these are good ideas!

What is holding me back from doing these things is it what God would do? I don't think so. If i'm relying on him to give me strenght/patience to see this through and help open my H's heart then how can i do something that i think would be contrary to what he would do? Also SH said that i have to paint a good picture of myself so that i will be somebody my H would want to come back to. If i did these things I think my H would think I was back to my old self and i'm supposed to prove that I've changed. I also told my mom that i'm trying to take the high road and i don't think these things are on that road.

let me address some of the items some more. First of all it would take a lot of money to do all this and right now every extra time I have and don't have is going to counseling w/SH. when i say that it will cost money that's because i live in another state and would have to hire someone to make the posters for her house/work and put them up. i would have to pay to find out all the addresses on her street, i would have to pay to find out what church she goes to as well as who her college professors were (i don't honestly know that would even make a difference).

why would i want to send a copy of the cards/letters my H gave me because of all the things he said to me and now look where he is almost 11 years later. he even gave me a card 6 months ago that said essentially that we've had rough times but that he loves me and couldn't imagine spending the rest of his life with anyone but me.

as far as my WH's family, i don't know if they would help because i don't know if they all know. his mom is the only one that i know for sure knows because i told her. i can't honestly say either that they are all glad that he married me (because i wasn't the same religion). i'm going to see what my mom thinks about talking to my FIL. however, SH has pretty much told me that i really shouldn't involve them (the IL's) at this point unless I think they would have an influence on him and i really couldn't speak to that right now.

well this has been a fun exercise! i wish i had a computer where i live so i could read the posts over the weekend!

I am firmly in the camp of exposure of affairs. Respectfully, yes, but exposure.

You want to paint a good picture of yourself for your husband, absolutely: Strong, confident, and absolutely unwilling to be a part of a threesome. And able to take action to get support when you need it, to get help with ending the affair, and with anything else that you set out to do.

I'm pretty sure God encourages us to ask for help when we need it, to take the action we must take.

God's no wimp and ain't anybody's doormat. When He decides something ain't right, He's portrayed as being pretty gosh darned clear and rather pointed about it.

If you think the specific things aren't on the high road, then find things like them that are. A private meeting with your pastor and the clergy in OW's place of worship. A respectful letter to OW's parents and other influential family, with a single nice copy of your wedding picture. A similarly respectful letter to anyone else who has influence in OW's life.

Oh, and the reason I recommend that you not send mementos of your private intimate life with your husband is because THAT part is just you and him, and is better left that way. The part you're trying to expose is the affair with someone else, not the intimate details of your own marriage.

Hi Roughroad,

Reading this threat is very funny and entertaining. Strangely, I have never thought about doing anything mean to OW. I do wish that she'd go away and leave my H alone and just find her own life/husband. I would not want anything bad to happen to her and I do not want her to be miserable, but rather grow up and act like a mature woman and worry about her own world and life. My H's OW does have a fiancee according to my hubby, but she seems always unhappy. I do not know her personally, but from the few things that I've heard about her, she does sound a bit like a drama queen, needing lots of attention, admiration etc. She often asks my H for advice about her relationship with her fiancee and one time my H told me that she makes him mad because she does not follow his advice. According to my H, she also has several other men (married men) whom she calls upon for advice/counseling. I would never dream calling any of my girlfriend's husbands for marital advice, but hey, that's just me. ;-)

Anyway, I think it is good that you get all of this anger out here and talk about, but try not to get too consumed with thoughts about OW. She is not worth it, RR. Instead try to do something fun - work-out, get your hair done, buy a cute outfit, go dancing with a girlfriend, go to a movie etc.

One thing that I have learned during this entire ordeal is to enjoy my own company. I actually sometimes like being just by myself. I really want to learn to like myself, because if I don't like myself, then who will??? I have extremely low self-esteem and this is one thing that I'm working very hard on. Because nobody will be able to take this away from me. No matter what happens...

Take care of yourself, girl! I think you'll be just fine....

Kati

i don't know maybe i've come off the wrong way. i don't want to "harm" the OW in anyway and i could really truly forget about her. However, as long as she is in the picture my M can't have ANY recovery. yes, i can still deposit LU in my H's lovebank but until she starts making withdrawals, he will still want to be with her. make sense?

hey i'm just sitting on everything for now. i want to wait and see if my H will do any counseling w/SH first so some seeds of doubt can be planted. now how long will that take if ever? don't know but i think the more sessions i have w/SH the more clear things will be. maybe if my mom talks to my FIL that will make a differnce. there is still the possibility that he doesn't know and if he found out that it would push him off the deep end. but i can't put all my eggs in one basket w/that thought.

i'm totally open for any other suggestions, that would go more along the lines of being Christ-like. when i mentioned that i didn't think she went to a "church" is that from what my H has said to me is that she is probably in a "religion" that centers more around nature and some form of witchcraft. but i would never know this for sure w/o having to pay an investigator to find out. remember i live in another state <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> i did put in for some leave the first week in may (of course before i found out about everything) but i think i'm still going to keep it because i never know how things will be at that time and i may need to go there to do some additional exposure. her parents for the most part support her in seeing my H because they certainly are not doing anything to stop it or discourage it and her mom even said that they like my H, they "all" do. who is included in "all." i don't know. she doesn't want her daughter to get hurt either, she was just an innocent girl who met someone in a class. my dad says what about my little girl?

has anybody had any experience w/the BS mom talking to the OW mom?

I really wouldn't do this, but I've thought about mailing her a piece of his dirty laundry every day. Skiddy skivvies, stinky socks anyone? Naw, it would cause more trouble.

OW, H & I all worked for the same 'company.' When I discovered the A... I called her H. I emailed her using the 'company' email... That was day 1.

We didn't work in the same building... so, after talking w/ my co-workers... some of them told her co-workers and so on, and so on and so on...

I think I called her cell phone @ least three times... cleverly, I used my H's cell phone... so she would answer "Hey there, Baby," and, I could say... "Wrong... It's Baby's wife... How are ya doin', Princess?"

Mostly I left messages in her cell phone voice mail... she wasn't very receptive to them and threatened to sue me for harrassment... I think I told her three phone calls didn't harrassment make and she better wait until she had a better case.... I also said I would countersue her calling my phone (as my H's cell phone was in my name, LOL.)

What I learned is that the 'good' feeling I had dissipated quickly... into guilt and anger... I also could never lie to my H about what I had done and would usually 'fess up before she had a chance to tell him what I had done. (Which usually worked in my favor 'cause she would grossly exaggerate and he would believe me... she didn't like that very much.)

I sometimes regret HOW MANY people I told... especially now three years later... While SOME think it was very brave and strong of me to stay... and ADMIRE us for putting our marriage back together, I know SOME think I'm a chump. :shrug: And, when I am 'braggin' over something he does now, I sometimes wonder if they think it is too little, too late... silly thoughts, yes... but...

I guess the moral of the story is to think out two-three years the consequences of whatever actions you might do...

Would you still be proud or happy about what you had done...

Cali (Who has SOME regrets, but not HORRIBLE ones.)

OK, this is my recent fantasy. Especially after hearing oW tell my H on the phone when he broke NC, "I'm here for you if you need me." I want to call or e-mail her and let her know I know all the nitty gritty details of the A. She doesn't realize thst. I want her to know I found her love letters to H. I have the urge to quote some of my favorite lines to her. Such as, "I might go work out or walk, but my hair will get sweaty." What the hell kind of love talk is THAT? I want to mention to her that I never outed her to her parents. However, if H leaves me, for her or not, she WILL be outed. Her parents will know how long she was "F"ing my H. They will know she was doing this when my dad was dying. They will get to read some of the lovely words she wrote to H. Bottom line, don't mess with me baby. I am a force to be reckoned with.

Now that felt good. CV

CV55, you crack me up..lol..

Ok, this is what I almost did except the paper would not let me. I tried to put the OM`s Obituary in the paper...lol.. I was not thinking real straight back then its probably a good thing they didn`t let me.

11. Crawl into the men's room at the grottiest service station in your town. On the wall, write: "For a good time, call OW," with phone number.

R.G. and A.M., some good ideas there. My H is a funeral director. HMMMM, I wonder if I use his company name if I might be able to get HER obituary in the paper. What might I write about her? OW was soooo supportive, sooooo caring, such an asset to the business. Met all of WS's needs. Was a great office manager, especially good at extracurricular activities. Known to give excellant BJ's. Greatly relaxed the boss. Will be sorely missed by everyone but the boss's wife.

Sorry, went out with H and had several glasses of wine. While at the restaurant wrote OW's number on the bathroom wall. Oh, I just lOVE bashing OW. One day I'll evolve to work on forgiveness. I'm just not there yet!

CV: Ha.....I am laughing out loud. Which I never thought my bitter heart would be able to do today.

My WH is in NY today being awarded for his great work in India. I dreamed of his announcement sounding like this.

"****'s contribution to our offshoring initiatives have been invaluable. He took strides to immerse himself in the culture (including one of the women there), sacrificed himself (and his family) to the "needs" there, and proved himself a great team player (and a no good cheating son of a *****)."

I ownder if he arranged to meet her there this weekend.

Christy, glad I made you laugh. Laughter is a rare commodity when going through what we all are going through.

After My H's major backslide in breaking NC, I realized I have no control over his actions. I haven't even been checking his e-mail. I have barely asked him if he has held to NC. What's the point? I can be with him almost non-stop and he can still find a way to contact her. If he chooses that route than we will be over.

The same goes for you. As I've told you, you hold your head up high. In the end, whatever happens, you can look yourself in the mirror. Let's keep our humor, OK? CV

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin:
<strong> 11. Crawl into the men's room at the grottiest service station in your town. On the wall, write: "For a good time, call OW," with phone number. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Oh My......this gives me ideas....bad, bad, bad, but oh so good!

We have several ratty bars in our area that is frequented by "low-lifes"...they could probably use a nice evening with a loose S.O.W.!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Many A's start as EAs with OWs pretending to need attention.

12. Sign up the OW's addy for all sites that match her 'character'. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

13. Enter her in those contests where all the calls and junk faxes come in. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

This may keep an OW busy enough NOT to have an A. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />