much of my affair took place at my place of business. I know..cardinal rule NEVER mix business & this type of personal relationship. anyway,my problem is the environment is very close quarters so I can't escape the anxiety of the constant visual reminders. The op no longer works for me..i fired her. However, we spent 40-50 hrs per week together mostly in the office for almost 5 yrs. The last year is when the affair tok place. in spite of her character flaws she was by far the best employee I ever had. Our work relationship,pre affair had an incredible compatibility. Too bad we derailedit. Anyway...I am experiencing a lot of separation anxiety at work...daily. Any suggestions for coping & overcoming this?

Hi OTE,

First, Congratulations!

I work in a totally male dominated industry, and am always surrounded by men, M or S, looking for whatever. Sometimes it's like the candy store, I sure wouldnt have to go far.

I'd really shake things up at work. Get OUT of your routine. Rearrange your office, get it painted or new furniture. Take on some new responsibilities, take up someone to mentor (male, or course). Get out of the rut.

I was in such a rut lately, I freaked everyone out by moving my office to another part of the building... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> to be closer to the action. I was bored and isolated...NOT good! I did it on a weekend, everyone was shocked, but I needed a change, and a big one!

Also, I'm going to start doing some calls, out of the office and a LITTLE more traveling (I've always hated it, but little 1-2 day trips are OK). Again, just something different.

I wish you strength and the best of luck. Please take care of yourself, get some exercise, water, and fresh, good food. It's all so hard right now, you've got to give yourself the best shot by staying busy and healthy! - Dru

Drucilla,
Thanks for the ideas. Perhaps I'm on the right path because I've already thrown some reminders away & or moved them out of my sight. Of course it's difficult because I don't want to let go. I am rediscovering my strength & courage by doing what is right in spite of the fears. I have also taken on someone(male) to mentor. I will heed your advise re exercise etc.... I was reallly good about that with the op becauase we exercuised & dieted together. I have to fight not to sabotage(sp) all that since it reminds me of her.
All the best,
ote

Hi OTE,

I havent been following all of the theads, but I know this is hard on you. It's like any loss, you mourn, you grieve, you accept. It's a process to move through. I think we grow more from the tragedies in our lives than anything else. Unfortunately, my m gave me ample room to 'grow'. I'm a better person for it, but it was a rough road. I dont wish this on anyone. Please take care of yourself! - Dru

(sorry for the late reply... I couldnt find this thread again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

OTE,

The withdrawal you're going through is unbelievably difficult. From what I've read, and what folks have said on here, it's just like overcoming an addiction. The chemical process in the brain is the same. So your anxiety is completely understandable (to be expected, even).

Dru had great suggestions with redecorating or moving your office. Do whatever you can to reclaim your space at the office.

Throw away EVERYTHING you can that reminds you of OW. I know it is hard. I KNOW it. Delete all emails. Throw out all cards, notes, gifts. Throw out pens and pencils from trade shows. Throw out coffee cups that remind you of breaks together. Throw it ALL out. What you can't throw out, paint <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Try to find a new exercise and diet buddy (your W perhaps?). Replace the old memories and habits that involved OW with new ones. Or keep your good habits (exercise) but find a new buddy - your W or a male.

And keep posting here. Some of the BS are very pained to hear a WS pining for the OP so you might get some rough treatment as they deal with their own pains. That is pretty good because it will remind you how painful this experience has been for your W and that you're on the path now of exorcising that pain. Also many people here have walked the walk you're walking now, and can offer good advice or empathize with you.

Hang in there. It *is* worth it. You are very lucky to have a W who put up with this behavior and still cares enough to rebuild with you. What a gift!