After I did my PI and found my W living with OM in apartment I changed the locks out on the house the very next day. I also changed the garage door codes so her opener doesn't work. Now when she comes over to pick up her mail or talk she ask's me if she can use the bathroom I tell her it's her house too, she says "no it's not you changed the locks out" I feel so bad when she says this to me. I have IC with Jennifer on Tuesday and was wondering if I should bring this up to her?

Are you legally speparated? If not then she will be able to "break in" and not be violating any law. If you are legally separated then I wouldn't worry about it.

MIF?

No we're not legally seperated I haven't done this yet I feel if I do that it will drop a nuke on the situation. I think she know's that if she calls me and needs something I will come running because that is how much I love and care for her. She hasn't brought up anything about me changing the locks. We did talk one night and I told her I would change them back and she said not to worry about it. I don't know I feel bad about it I want her to know this is still her house and I'm here waiting for her.

Tinman:

As the BS of a WW who changed the locks on me a few weeks ago, I will not give you the answer you are looking for. For what it's worth, unless your spouse has been stealing things from the house, is somehow a threat to your safety, or has regularly been in the house without you knowing about it, I think you were dead wrong in changing the locks.

Yes, I am speaking a bit out of anger and I acknowledge this, but it really hurt me when she changed the locks for no good reason (see my post in the divorcing forum called I'm Livid. Wife Changed the Locks).

Shaken

Thanks for the 2x4 Shaken I did offer to change them back right after I found out about the A and she said not to worry about it. I still feel bad about it. She has never stolen anything from me except the trust I had for her after the A. I'm not bitter about that though I'm willing to change them back and just tell her the code to the garage.

Tinman,

I support your decision to change the locks. I would have done the same thing if there had been an on-going A in our case.

Your WW is obviously making bad choices and is not protecting you or your marriage. You are only protecting yourself and your home from her bad choices. Somewhere inside you felt the need to do this for yourself and no one should fault you when your WW has CHOSEN not to reside in the home anymore.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I tell her it's her house too, she says "no it's not you changed the locks out"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't let her turn this around on you - she is the one in the wrong and she knows it, she is just trying to make you feel bad that she is facing consequences to HER choices.

Sure, it is still her "home" and I would make sure that in every other way she understands that. Don't deny her access when you are there, but be firm & clear that your home has value & meaning to you - as does your marriage.

I took a drastic step the day after our D-day and went to the bank and moved our savings (most was from my 401k fund from a previous job) into an account WH did not have access to. It immediately made me feel safer, knowing that no matter what my WH chose to do, that me and DS would be ok.

H did not notice the change. I told him openly about it and he was suprised that I saw him as such a "stranger" that I felt the need to protect myself in such a way. Once things settled down after a few months, I moved it all back and we have gone on with life.

You are in the right here - don't doubt yourself.


Take Care,
Shelle

Thank you for the response Shelle, I appreciate that I'll wait and see what other people have to say before I make a decision on this. I think your right though and maybe just maybe it will make my W realize that this is real life and not fantasy land.