this is something I meant to bring up in MC yesterday and forgot to.

When I met my h we were kids. We both were in relationships with others at the time (he had a gf, I had a bf) When we started seeing each other I ended the r with my bf, but (unbeknownst to me) he went back and forth between me and his xgf.

Looking back now I think his heart was with her, but he liked the reaction he got from his friends when he walked in to a party with me on his arm. He was 19 and for a 19 year old kid the envy of your friends is pretty important. I know this sounds really vein but please try to understand that I am only trying to figure out what went wrong in my marriage. I loved him right from the start, but I don't think he loved me.

After a few months of the back and forth thing he chose me. I think, as I said before, that I was chosen for the wrong reasons. Then I got pregnant and we married. His affairs started soon after the baby was born. I really think he resented me, he resented marrying someone he didn't love though he SAID he did and I believed him.

The first 5 years were pure hell! Both of us having affairs. He (I believe) was looking for someone he connected with better than me. Me looking for validation that men desired me since my h seemed to want ANYONE but me! And so we muddled through living under the same roof but living seperate lives.

fast forward 5 or so years (this is when I think our marriage actually began) we both stopped having affairs (can't really say why <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ) and started building a real life together. Still he liked the attention I got from other men, there was no jealousy, he was proud that I was his. Maybe a good thing but you can't stay young and beautiful forever so what now? I still look pretty darned good for my age <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> can still fit in my wedding dress, but I AM older! I no longer expect every head to turn when I walk into a room and only CARE that HIS does!

SO 15 years after our REAL marriage began, he has another affair. I'm stumped. I really thought we were okay. What happened <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> maybe he still feels like he did in the beginning and was only hiding that for 15 years.