How does one work through the anger and resentment even when progress has been made by the cheating H? Is it possible to ever trust this person again?

Trust is earned. Slowly and bit by bit. 4 yrs ago I was here as a wayward spouse trying to prove to my Wife that I really wanted to make things work. At first I accounted for every second of the day so that I could prove myself trustworthy. I spend time at this site, reading and posting and learning about the nature of the pain I'd caused. After a while, she stopped asking me to account for my time, after a while I felt like I had regained her trust and confidence. I'm not sure if it would have ever come back completely, but healing does happen over time if both parties work towards it.

The key being that both parties need to work towards it. This can be difficult for the betrayed spouse, but it's essential. I'm not saying to have blind faith, but it's important to learn to accept your wayward's efforts.

Resentment, well that you need to learn to let go off. Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to get sick. It will hamper your healing and lead to major problems down the road. While my Wife learned to trust me again, she never got over the resentment and I think that may be partly why I'm here again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> (as a betrayed spouse this time...)

dewt

I just wanted to bump this in hopes that others might respond. Looking forward to reading the responses.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by drjade:
<strong> How does one work through the anger and resentment even when progress has been made by the cheating H? Is it possible to ever trust this person again? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think dewt did a good job of explaining it. It is possible to trust them again if the trust is EARNED.

One thing that helped me tremedously was putting spyware on my H's computer. It relieved my anxiety to an enormous degree because I was able to see for myself that he was being honest with me when I wasn't looking.

Time and a good track record of demonstrated trust erased my resentment. I can honestly say that we have a fabulous marriage today and I trust him about 95%. I will never blindly trust anyone again, though.