does anyone else have something constructive to say that might, truly help?

I am so sorry for this rollercoaster you are on and have been on for years. I really don't see that anything has changed in your situation. He has played both of you for years now, and is still doing so. Didn't I read in another post that she spent the night with him just in the time you have been posting under this name. HE AIN'T DONE WITH HER YET and it doesn't have anything to do with the baby.

For those that might want to understand her rollercoaster a bit more, you might look up KillJoy (22942). Best I can remember, I believe she also posted as HH (something with Heart in the name). Such a sad story, and even sadder that another child has been brought into this mess (I know you had nothing to do with that).

Best wishes on a brighter future.

Dear allofme.
I just went to that post 'Killjoy' and bless your heart....you have been dealing with this terrible burden for over two years!

The following is your thread from Christmas, 2002, concerning this same OW problem!
But before there was a baby by her!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=021821

Maybe your husband has what Kati described and he loves and sincerely cares for two women! (But you are not Morman which allow 2 wives!!!)

I don't know what you can do to get him more OVER her...He seems to have come around quite a bit in the past two years YET he still seems to want both cakes and both frostings.

I noticed on that thread of two years ago that MelodyLane was trying to advise you way back then! Probably with some good advice!

Sincerely and with caring, Julie

I didn't say that your daughter would be teased because her parents were getting divorced, but she might well be teased because her father fathered a child by another woman while married - especially if she says something that indicates that she doesn't have a clue that that IS adultery. A lot of people, perhaps most, would not approve of having a child with someone while married to someone else - even people who might look the other way if an acquaintance were dating while separated. That may well be hypocritical, but nonetheless, your daughter could be in for one heck of a shock the first time someone gives her a hard time by comparing her father to our ex-president.

becontent,

Do you know something I do not? Killjoy?


Nelli,

I know you didn't mention the devorice seniro, I rolled that into my explanation that unforchunatly this sytuation is not a shock to our societys system... My daughter is very open and has told everyone she knows at school, etc.. About her new sister in a proud way like all big sisters do.. The school is aware we are not together and Im sure some were suprised by this news as it is sad to hear and everything happened very fast, coupled with the consern of confushion you would think my children would be in..( we did put our two in the group at school that deals with devorice,seperation,and loss etc.).
I would asume many things before about others situations, with out directly asking them.. But I do not understand, when I am saying I too am suprised my children arent' haveing the reactions, I even expected, makes others ready for an attack... I think my children are amazing loveing beings... And I asume we will have more difficalt questions asked over time... And we will deal with them age apropriatly.. As I said before Im an open book, if you have a question ask, but asumptiveness and being borderline crule doesnt' help....

Perhaps there will be a coment directed to my daughter or son at some point in the future, but I dought it would be about them, or even there father, most likely it would be something , (I emagin, like how do you feel about your sister when she's not from your mom.. Or does it make you feel weird that your dad and mom weren't devoriced when she came,etc.. I don't know any child that knows the term adultery, and no average 11 year old even knows what cheeting is... Let alone the dinamics of any love relationship for that matter...

Thanks for your comments..

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 11:40 AM: Message edited by: *allofme* ]</small>

Blessed Time,

With all do respect, sencerily...

Melody lane through out this thread has been down right nasty and judgemental. Not one productive thing, that would help any person here was said.. And I find some of what she wrote to me to be vulger...

I think you are though more open minded and see people, really see them, and that is a rare gift... Thank you again for your origonal post to me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: *allofme* ]</small>

allofme,
Adultery is nasty and vulgar. Exposing young, impressionable children to sleazy situations and pretending all is nice and normal is nasty and vulgar. Failing to teach children right from wrong is nasty and vulgar.

Pointing this out is NOT nasty and vulgar, but rather, DOING them *IS*. See how backwards your thinking is here? In your mind, saying something is bad is WORSE than DOING something bad.

I suspect that you view anyone who can discern right from wrong as "nasty" or "judgemental," and that is why you so overreact when the truth of your situation is pointed out.

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 08:35 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Of course a lot of eleven year olds know what adultery is, and I would venture to guess that most kids who happened to be that age during the latter part of the Clinton administration knew what adultery was, in great detail, especially since current events is a big part of the curriculum in sixth grade.

You asked if I thought you should have told the kids the truth - the answer is yes, for at least 3 reasons:

1) It is the right thing to do.

2) If you do not, when they fully figure out what went on (and they will, especially when the evidence is growing up in front of them), they will feel betrayed by you as well. As my son said when he was 12 or 13, lying to your children is one of the worst things you can do to them, and keeping secrets is just about as bad as lying.

3) If they do not have the real explanation for the separation and for your being (understandably) upset, they will find alternative explanations - and one of the reasons they will most likely hit upon is that it was somehow their fault.

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: killjoy ]</small>