Lost Bird,

I have posted to you a couple of times on your other thread. I think I got one answer from you.

But I wanted to start a new one because it seems that you might be able to be of more help to more of us BS. I seen you help Believer a lot with her situation with her WS and it seems she feels so much better after listening to you and talking to you.

Can you help us out? Can you tell us seriously where you are right now in your mind? Hearing it from your words can help us who are BS alot. It can help us maybe figure out what our husbands and wives are going through and if they are really struggling to come home. Or if they are really considering leaving us for the OP or if they are on the fence, trying to decide what to do.

Are you still having trouble with OW and letting her go? Are you still wanting your marriage? Are you on the fence? I have looked for your updates to help me better understand my own marriage, but I haven't found the information I need.

Maybee you can help more of us too. I am another Plan B person like Believer, and my WH is still I guess involved with the OW. I think I told you that on your other thread.

So, can you help us? We always hear that most WS pretty much go through the same thing. It would mean so much to all of us if you could help us understand.

Take us through your thought processes, maybe even let us come along on your struggles, if you are struggling, and take us with you in your mind. I don’t know if you can understand how important your information could be to us. It could really be a lifesaver for so many of us. While we might not understand the feelings you express, at least hearing from a WS might help us realize things our WS are doing and going through.

Will you help, Lost Bird? I think I speak for many that your sharing with us is something we can really get benefits from.

Thank you.

Hey there, I'm here as a BS too, but 4 yrs ago I was the wayward and posted a heck of a lot. Maybe I can help out a little bit. I wouldn't say that I was all that typical a wayward. I didn't fall in love with OW. I never for a second wanted my marriage to end and after D-day completely devoted myself to making things up to my beloved wife.

What is it exactly you would like to know?

dewt

I don't know if I can help. Different situation really - but I do know a lot about withdrawal!

I'm the female WS who never left my H. We are doing very well in recovery.

Do you think I could help?

Jenny

I'll take all the help I can get. Just understanding, you know? I guess my WH seems more what I read about LB, LB said he needed help in breaking the addiction. I believe that is where my man is too. He never stopped the affair after I found out, he isn't living with me or with her, he tells me he wants the marriage, when he gets a message throough to me, that is. He seemed to be in love with both of us. So our situation is different from you dewt, or you kiwi, but you still might be able to help us see what happens in your mind.

And I am not the only one I am sure needing this kind of information, so maybe your situations will be more similar to those from other people here.

But my husband is doing nothing to end it, or I guess it seems that way to me. It's been over a yearr. I don't know what he might be doing mentally. That's why I asked Lost Bird. Lost Bird seems to be trying to come to grips with ending the affair, while being "kind" maybe to the OW. But it doesn't appear he is having much success. I can imagine my husband going thru the same kind of thing, becuase he always wants to be Mr. NiceGuy. Everybody likes my husband, and he wants it to stay that way. So I really wanted to get inside the head of someone who is currently there in a very close similar place.

You guys can certainly help and jump in - yes! If you can remember what if felt like, please tell me.

I really am in quite a different situation. Male WS's seem to react quite differently to a) being able to accept that NC means NC and b) they don't seem to mind putting their W's through hell while they go through withdrawal. I'm sure there are loads of exceptions on this board and this is not to say I haven't put my H through all sorts of hell.

OM and I ended the A mutually in June 2003. When I say "mutually", he wouldn't leave his W for me and I was not prepared for any more of the unhappiness - the A had been one of the unhappiest and happiest times of my life.

By the time my H found out (by himself by finding relationship self help books I had hidden) I was already in NC but in terrible withdrawal which I intended to keep hidden the rest of my life.

When H asked if I was having an A or was thinking of leaving him (from the titles of the books) I said "yes" to both questions and immediately started the process of rebuilding my M.

H told me "I will forgive you once but if you ever see him again I am out of here forever."

That was all it took for me to know that my M was more important even though it didn't seem like it at the time.

Well, that's the very, very short version of the background, do you think I can help?

Jenny

<small>[ April 04, 2004, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

Take
Here is a post that has my history in it.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=014210#000001

I suppose there are some similarities in all of our stories. I did not leave my W to be with the OW. I am in a much different place today than when I was having the A or just after the A. It has taken me along time to get where I am today. I have gone down lots of dead end streets. So many here would say I was in a "fog" for a long time.
H