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Some of you may remember me...see earlier posts. I'm not smart enough to know how to post the links.
Well, OW, who was out of the country for two months, is back again, doing the togetherness routine with my H, who has filed for divorce.
In a public setting, moving past me, they stopped in front of me to try to force me to acknowledge them. I looked "through" them -- not easy to do, as they were two feet in front of me.
No idea what else I could have done. H appeared to look hurt; maybe OW did, too -- it's hard to know, as I was studiously avoiding "seeing" them.
Honestly, what else can I do? What do they want from me? I leave them alone to do their thing -- why not reciprocate? Is there something more they can take from me?
Are these people out of their minds?
Was out with my D and stepsons today at an outdoor restaurant. H and OW were nearby. Fortunately, with a friend, I avoided confrontation. Who knows what they might have pulled.
This is getting old real fast. I don't want to say or do anything that will provide them more fuel.
<small>[ April 05, 2004, 11:36 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>
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A.M.Martin,
Any chance you are coming to our Winery Picnic on 4/17 ? .... Next one on May I will try to make it family friendlier so your D could come too.
-rh-
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D can't come to winery picnic?
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Ark, After your long post last time, you finally "got" the sitch -- can you offer enlightenment on this one?
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first the gag me with a spoon sentiment cracked me up when I saw it earlier...
Well this is how I see it...
affairs thrive on drama...
spouses to the wayward spouses...can be a great source of drama during the affair...and post affair if the two really do progress towards greater disolvement....still drama ...
the ability to focus on what the wifeypoo is up to or even the soontobeexwifeypoo is up to...
great fodder and distraction from the REALITY that they have caused great pain in their wake...
and I again claim that they come together because each one is as guilty as the other one in their deceipt and deliverance of pain....
so it is with eachother they find refuge from any type of blame...
but it is the actions that they can not stand with in themselves mirrored in the other person...
so when forced to be still with just eachother....
things get really scary
and doubtful and fearful...
and I think the reality of the "prize" each is holding crashes down a little around them....
birds of a feather..
den of thieves...
And then there is you....The Katherine Hepburn of betrayed spouses...handling yourself with grace, common sense, couth and serenity...(to the point that even I forgot to remember that you were/are in pain).....
You are everything that she is not...and though I don't spend much time usually too concerned with wayard spouses other woman....no way is she in even near your league...
So they they stand in front of you...
seeking , staring, praying, begging for attention....
for it will take the attention off of them...
and they can return to that comfortable place of confabulating your actions...(which have yet to really materialize)...and they know that as well...
problem is you are damned if you and damned if you don't...
action or lack of action...
acknowledgement or lack of acknowledgement
either way...they will create what they want out of your presence in their world...to keep reality at bay.....
you will feed their need to escape what emptiness they have in them and in front of them....
pretty sad for them....
out of your hands for you though...grrrrrr
ARK
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Grrrrrr is right, Ark. Thanks for the insight! (I'd welcome others', too.)
They might "get off" on anything I do, but I figure that their convos on how sad it is that I refuse to "accept" the situation and their "love" will be shorter if I don't fuel them with my words, which can be dissected and deconstructed ad infinitum. Being a verbal type, I would love to chew their ears off. But they are verbal types, too (although her verbs...and adjectives and nouns...are largely incoherent, and his self-justifying); I don't want to throw my words to stoke their fire (ire?) -- as I did several weeks ago when I told H, as politely as I could, what I thought. (Later, on D response, I checked off the box to say reconciliation was possible...which must have confused the bejeebers out of him.)
Still, this is weak consolation for this kind of intrusion, and it was hard to keep it out of my head for the rest of the evening. I'm just better off when I'm not thinking about a situation I can't do anything about.
Glad I managed, with the great help of friends, to steer the family group of stepkids and kids away from them yesterday.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin: <strong> D can't come to winery picnic? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course she could ... it just that she can't take a sip of pinot grigio. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Are you coming ?
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HOT NEWS FLASH! I'm in a new relationship! With whom? I don't know. But I heard it on the rumor mill! So it must be true! Can't trace the source, exactly, but suspect it is H -- the person who told me was out-of-town on business trip with H last week, and wouldn't tell me who said this. I suspect H.
Redhat: D will insist on a sip. Don't know about plans yet.
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A.M.Martin,
Oh brother ... you need to get out of that town and be at Wine County on 4/17. Detail only will be send via email.
I will not serve and look at D when she takes a sip. LOL!.
-rh-
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Good that you won't be looking...
Am I imagining things or what? Was in the same locale as H today at lunchtime. H seems keen on being friendly -- makes a point of greeting. He wasn't with OW, so I gave him a smile and nod, pleasant, but slightly chill.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by A.M.Martin: <strong> HOT NEWS FLASH! I'm in a new relationship! With whom? I don't know. But I heard it on the rumor mill! So it must be true! Can't trace the source, exactly, but suspect it is H -- the person who told me was out-of-town on business trip with H last week, and wouldn't tell me who said this. I suspect H. Redhat: D will insist on a sip. Don't know about plans yet. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Awwwhhh AM, wow talk about hidden talents. So where have you been keeping this new beau!??!?! In H's briefcase? While he is in there, ask him to check out the D paperwork, change a few digits before the decimal - LOL!!! What a riot. Not unusual that the fantasy A has to create another fantasy to keep theirs going. So now your H is a cartoon character? Let's see OW then s/b..... Ms Piggy? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> L.
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The woman who was told this was one of his staunchest critics. I suspect it salved his own conscience while he was out of town. Anyone in town knows it isn't true.
H is not the gossip type -- so this will be embarrassing...I hope.
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Well AM, I think you ought to have this person ask for proof. After all you do have lots of friends and we all are just on pins and needles anxious to know who this Adonis is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
L.
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The likeliest candidate is the gorgeous younger man from a couple months ago -- he really is an adonis, and, alas, knows it. (Not really a good relationship candidate, I'm afraid.) We are still very much friends (never anything more), but he is now very publicly seeing someone else. Everyone who is not in a coma knows this.
Which leaves out H and OW.
<small>[ April 07, 2004, 11:48 AM: Message edited by: A.M.Martin ]</small>
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