Look at other posts for my situation. I asked my H to answer some questions for me. Here are his painful responses:

Question #1 Why do you want to be with me? – I loved you for the last 10 plus years of my life. You are carrying our child. We have shared so much of our lives together. It is hard just to give that up after a few months. You care about me and want us to be happy. You have so much to offer in terms of love, support, strength, beauty, intelligence, and intimacy.


Question #2 Why don't you want to separate–See answers to number 1 plus… If we do this now, I fear that I won’t ever make it back. (Honestly!) I continue to hurt each day. You can obviously tell this is a challenging and fragile time. I apologize for that.

Question #3 Are you trying to choose between the OW and me?- In my head, I want to be with you for all that we have shared, loved, devoted our time and lives to up to this point. I am trying to follow my priorities and work my heart back to you. I don’t have an answer outside of question/answers 1 and 2. My heart is pulling me in another direction. I don’t know why. I ask that….all the time. I can’t seem to get a handle on it. I am continually hoping that as time goes on it will change. Perhaps, the help I am seeking will assist me with that…or not. I don’t know.

Things that I’m trying to confront: fear, lack of confidence (first time : ), lies, shame, love/emotions, failure, doubt.

I can’t and don’t want to tell you what to do. Sorry!

Those answers should give you great hope, durham. He loves you very much and wants the marriage to work. Now, you just have to get him through withdrawal and find out what has led to this affair so you can fix it and so it won't happen again.

I think from his answers that he instinctively understands that his affair is a fantasy that won't work. He knows his future is with you and that is good. Don't beat him for these answers, durham. They are very good and very honest. He is trying very hard to do the right thing.

durham,

Be careful what you ask during this time.If you don't then you are just opening a can of worms that will spill out and squiggle off in all different directions.What will be gained by that?

Your WH is in no condition to answer questions in the way you would want to hear right now.He is just as confused about where he is at and trying to decipher what those feelings are is fruitless.What he is experinecing is an addiction and waiting to see if his feelings change or come back is one big waste of time.He has to DO something,get help.

Just like any other addicted person,if he thinks sitting around and hoping is the answer,he is wrong.Alcoholics go to AA,drug addicts go to a rehab center.He cannot do this alone and until he asks for help,he is going to wallow in his situation endlessly.He will need to be the one to ask for this help and it is hard to watch our loved ones sit idly by and do nothing.All we can do is try to continue on with our lives as best we can for ourselves and our children.

Again,separation is not the answer right now.He is reaching out,in his own way,to try to tell you that.But that doesn't mean that you blindly take him back either.Follow the MB plans here.Remember to look at the actions of your WH.You cannot afford to believe what he says right now.

O