I am in my 9th Week.

Last weekend was a struggle for me from trying not to break my plan B. I ended up sending him a christian brochure about forgiving yourself. I guess that does not count as breaking, right?

It has been a long hard ride to get to this point. It was not easy. I still think of him constantly. It is still a struggle every free time trying not to think about him.

I have not spoken or seen him since i fell off the wagon that one and only time more than four weeks ago. i miss him terribly. Sometimes i feel like throwing Plan B and jump back in plan A just coz the agony of missing is too much to bear. But yet i hang on to plan B.

I felt like giving plan B a peep just to check on his progress...whether he is still deep in the A or 50% out of it...yet i did not. I still remember doing this four weeks ago and getting the same hurtful fog talk. I thought maybe i should just check in on WH without expecting anything in return. Just to show him the good loving wife is still here waiting for him...i guess i could do that but what is the point. For my own fix? A short fix would only cause me more pain and set me back again to square one.

I don't know what else to do. I have done everything i could have...

They did say in plan B...it is either the WS come back or you don't have the feelings anymore.

I am still waiting for the day i do not feel anymore for him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I miss the person i married so much. Is there any reason at all that i could break my plan B just to have a few moments with him?

WH is neither here nor there. He does not want to divorce me but he is unable to break it off with OW. i hope a miracle happens soon...is it suffering to be in this position of neither here nor there. I wish i could divorce him too but i could not. I still have so much hope for us.

Zizzy, you are very strong. Did you do Plan B under any professional guidance? It is very hard, being on the dark, I don't know whether I have the courage to do that. But hang in there, you've come so far already, you don't want to waste all the effort you've put there. Lots of love.

zizzy, every time you break Plan B and contact him undoes all the previous work you did and makes you look less than credible to him. It reassures him that you are sitting on the sidelines waiting for him so he can take his sweet time playing out the affair. You are probably prolonging the affair by doing this.

It also prevents you from getting over the daily pain of having the affair rubbed in your nose. You are too impatient.

You say this is very hard, and yes it is, but I should remind you that you are in Plan B because it was too hard for you to endure watching this affair up close. It was too hard for you to deal with his fog, his lies, his games.

Plan B is not to manipulate them to do something, but mainly to protect you from the pain of the affair. Its purpose is for you to detach, and if you keep contacting him over and over again to get a temperature check, you will NEVER detach!

Ideally, the WS will be pulled off the fence when they see the OP cannot meet their needs, but you have to give it time to happen. This OW cannot POSSIBLY meet his needs.

And please don't send him Christian literature. It is a lovebuster to try and educate him, especially someone who is openly defying God.

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 08:08 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Melody looks like i have to break my plan B whether i like it or not by tomorrow.

I have started a new job on 1st April. My new boss has set a meeting with WH who is also his friend regarding business. My boss wants me to attend the meeting too. 2 of WH colleague will also be there. One of them is the senior manager who knows about our on going drama.

He text message me just now asking if i knew about the meeting. Then he added that he feels awkward about it and asking if i felt the same way. I have not replied to his message.

I am so angry and hurt with that message!!! Awkward!!! How can he say he feels awkward with me!! What about when he goes into a meeting with OW and his colleagues!!! He probably never thought of THAT! There you go...proof that the fog is still there, isn't it? I sooooo wanted to text message him back with horrendous reply but did not.

He could have responded by saying i look forward to meet with you, etc etc...BUT AWKWARD!!!...????

How do i deal with this meeting??!!!

My town is too small. There is no way to avoid him. I knew eventually i will be force to meet him anyway...either at the supermarket or in some restaurant.


Lost&hurt

Sometimes i feel strong sometimes i feel so pathetic missing him and all. I did plan B reading SAA and getting feedback from this site. No proffesional guidance. I hope i get through this too.

I think a new job will be great for you. Just treat WH like anyone else you work with, be friendly and upbeat.

You are doing very well in Plan B. Keep it up.

I miss the person i married so much. Is there any reason at all that i could break my plan B just to have a few moments with him?

There's a catch to that one eh?
the one you married is not the one who is the WS right now....

I am so angry and hurt with that message!!! Awkward!!!

zizz, you are given him way to much power and control...you are in plan B...remove focus from his....

no matter the outward appearances or front he puts on...the reality of his actions that got him there have yet to be dealt with...

he should feel ackward....how confident should people be in a business meeting with someone who does not value honesty and truthfullness...

how good of a friend can someone give lip service to...that can hurt their best friend so deeply...

oh he should feel all squirmy ackward all right...

no I don't feel ackward....hhhhhmmmmm...interesting...you should babble back...but thanks for asking... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ARK

Believer...i will try to be upbeat and friendly. Are you still in plan B?

Ark...i hear you...refocus...refocus...
Phewwww...i am getting anxiety attack. Last night i could not sleep. Althought i was not thinking about the meeting but still i could not sleep. Maybe subconsciously i was thinking about it.

Last time i met him and spoke to him was more than 4 weeks ago...

Zizzy, I don't have any great thoughts to offer you. You have always been so helpful when responding to my posts. Just remember that you can hold your head high. You have no reason not to. So go into that meeting like the great woman you are. I'll be thinking of you. CV

Zizzy -
Oh dear, what plan am I in? I don't know. I was in Plan B, but WH was going to give up his chance to retire, so I called him and told him I would support him. So he went in and got a second chance to retire. He signed the papers.

I have D papers with the lawyer, but they are on hold. So my plan is somewhere between Plan A, Plan B, and Plan D.

I did not have to break my plan B after all!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Last minute my boss decided to go over to WH office to have his business discussion and i did not have to go.

I did end text messaging him about that awkward message though. I know this not a good a plan B move but i could not help it.

WH was looking after D while i was at good friday mass yesterday evening. We always planned the time to leave so that we do not have to meet each other.
As i was passing the guard house i saw his car coming from the opposite direction. There is a bumper as you pass the guard house so both our cars have to slow down to go over the bumper. It was so close i could see him and decide to give him a big smile.

But he did not even see me!! He had his head leaning on his hand and his arm resting on the window frame. Either he purposely did not want to see me or he was really deeply in thoughts. I would like to think it is the later. There is no way that he had reach a point where he doesn't even want to see me riggght?...i cannot believe that.

I hope it is just him being in thoughts that moment. I hope he was thinking about me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Okay here i am again back in my almost clean strict plan B...new battle cry for me...refocus...refocus.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

CV55...thks.

Believer...plan A,B and D???! Now that is very confusing...but i guess at the end of the day it is your life and your husband. Only you know what is right to do. During my Plan B...while keeping a strict plan B, i did text message him once or twice, subject nothing to do about my daughter. I think we need to be compasionate in dealing with our WH while in plan B. I don't feel good when i ignore his messages so i choose and pick which one to answer and which one to ignore. I feel if i do something good, i feel much better with myself. Like you in helping your husband with his retirement issue...you know you need to help him so you did and you feel better after that. I think you can show some compassion to WH during plan B as long as you know your plan B boundaries. I ain't no expert yet but i am learning.