I am in plan A and trying to cope until the OW leaves work which is in 24 days. They are not seeing each other besides work but I know she has told my H she misses him and I am sure he has giver her signals. I know we cannot move on until she is out of the picture. I am trying to do the best plan A and hang in there. Any advice from people who dealt with withdraw and what helps in the beginning. My H states he wants to see if the feelings fade after she leaves. He is in the fog and fantasy land. They were only together 6 weeks. He will not leave me because I will be having a baby in August. I don't want him to stay just for that.

Let him stay for the baby. In the meantime stay in Plan A. However OW does have to be out of the picture, for you and WH to restore your marriage.

Are you taking care of yourself?

Hang in there Durham, 24 days will pass quickly.

Take care of yourself.
love mtheart

durham, let him stay because of the baby. His feelings will follow once he withdraws from the OW. I would also work on finding out what needs were not met at home that made him vulnerable to an affair. Have you both taken the emotional needs questioniare?

Let him stay. And until OW is out of the picture for good and no contact has been established you cannot begin reconciliation and true withdrawal will not set in until she is gone. My husband also works once a week with OW and each time he sees her, we go back to DAY 1 of recovery. It is very painful, but as long as you do a good Plan A, it will all work out.

BUT...be careful about NC. Just because she leaves does NOT NECESSARILY MEAN no contact. The OW in my case lives in freakin India, halfway across the world from us here in Florida, and at first, when WH came home, I had D-Day, and was in a healthy Plan A, WH was going through withdrawal (I did not recognize it at the time). He too, was trying to see if his feeling "faded." About 2 weeks into no contact, OW sent him cards and letters and e-mails at work...but WH claims he ignored them. A few weeks later WH called her to "make sure she was ok" and here we go again....

But his feelings for her were not fading, and his feelings for me were not growing.

I WONDER WHY THAT WAS!!!???!!!!???!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Anyway, this long distance A (EA) is even worse, in some ways, because the A can take on EVEN more of a fantasy element (the whole reality thing of an A has a hard time setting in when they don't have to see each other regularly, smell each others bo, farts, pimples, bad breath, the whole thing). My WH's A could just stay at this REALLY, REALLY, REALLY fake, pen pal, love letter, romanticized fantasy level...and that is where we are now.

So, NC means NO DAMN CONTACT....PERIOD.

Meanwhile, you plan A your butt off (my hat is off to you, because I would have had a VERY difficult time coping through all of this had I been pregnant).

I also know my plan a was making an impact. WH commented on how I had changed, and had turned, at the time, a lot of the blame, anger, pain and guilt inward at himself, versus outward at me (not so much the case now, but for me, it was proof that Plan A was necessary to plant those seeds of reality that you are, and can be, a good spouse).

Good luck. And take care of yourself!!!