Hello all,

I'll make it as brief as possible. I recently had a one night stand. I feel terrible. The guilt is unbearable. My wife does not deserve this or me in my opinion. We have been in counseling for years due to sexual problems I have. The jist of it is I cannot get aroused for her, but for other women and/or porn - no problem. This has been a issue in a previous marriage too. I so much want to "be normal" and be aroused by my wife. My faith in God is strong, but I keep slipping and making mistakes. I want to PERMANENTLY be faithful to my wife, I truly love her although my actions don't speak it. I had an affair about 4 years ago. I ended it and told my wife about it because the gulit was killing me. We worked thru it. I had hoped that my mindset of intimacy will come around thru counseling, but years of counseling have done nothing. My only gratification was from myself, if you know what I mean. Well I guess after years of not feeling like a man with no real sex, just myself, the situation presented itself at a bar one noght when out with my friends to "do the act" and I did. Although, I doubt that she will "track me down" since we both very drunk and not know each other names, I won't rule that possibility out. From my issues, I feel that I am a sex addict, meaning I have a confused association with love and sex when in a relationship, but not with people I don't or hardly know. I trust it's in God's hands, I am going to a conference called Every Man's Battle. It helps those men struggling with sexual addiction. If somehow my wife finds out about this one, then so be it. I deserve whatever the consequences and have to live with it. I can't bring myself to reveal this one. I can only hope I can get my life and mental issues correct before I ruin my marriage and hurt someone that I love very much. Thanks for reading and God Bless.

Hi Dizyman,

Welcome to MB. Well you know you have a problem and you are seeking help. That is a good sign. Now this place can also provide some help.

Dr Steve Harley is very good at pinpointing the source of our issues and then providing supportive help. He can also help you know how to approach this subject with your W.

You stated 2 different issues that your W is not aware of. It also sounds like you take your W for granted. Why? There is probably an underlying reason.

Now what if something lifechanging happened and your W no longer could be taken for granted? How would you react? Sometimes a jolt to reality is part of the healing process.

Please read the book His Needs/Her Needs by Dr W. Harley. See if you can do some phone counseling with Steve Harley (Dr W. Harley's son).

Help is definitely available. How you obtain it and apply it is how you can benefit from it.

Please keep us updated.

take care,
L.

Go to the conference, and also try some counseling. I have read about this condition somewhere. It has something to do with the madonna/wh%re syndrome. Some men can only be sexual with the latter. They subconsciously think that women are one way or the other.

But anyway, you can be helped. Stick with us. I'm sure there are some other men here with the same problem.