I had heard through a good source (by accident) that OW was going to be fired soon. Wouldn't you know that same evening she sent my FWH an e-mail asking for a letter of reccommendation, as she use to work for us. Her words were "I know that things ended poorly but would appreciate a letter of reccommendation. I am thinking about looking for another job." My first thoughts are NO WAY. My other thought is that I don't want my husbands letter and name going anywhere with her. The other thought is, if they call he can say anything he wants, but no letter. That just makes reasons for contact. Any ideas out there? What would you do?

Hi t456,

I say let this OW get a letter of recommendation from someone else at the company.He is not obligated to give her one at this point given the circumstances.It is also not appropriate for him to comment on anything about this OW including her professional conduct.It is a conflict of interest I think.How can he possibly be objective now?

This is assuming she actually IS fired....one day.


O

Hi T,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The other thought is, if they call he can say anything he wants, but no letter. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just wanted to let you know that the laws are very strick on what someone can SAY when phoned for a reference. They can verify salary, dates of employment, and 'would you rehire?', and that's about it. He can get sued very quickly if he says something that keeps her from getting a job. Tell him to be careful.

And, HECK NO, not in million years, inho. I'd say she hadnt earned a good recommendation, would you? She was part of a mess that got way out of hand (knowing nothing of your situation, I can assume that at least, right?). NOT a model employee, in my opinion. Just my $0.02. Good luck - Dru

NO WAY, JOSE!!!!

First of all, I agree with Dru's legal point. Corporate america has gotten to the point where they really frown on written letters of recommendation for that same reason (if you think you are a candidate for a suit from a verbal recommendation, try a written one, where the comments that were made are in writing, not just a game of he said she said).

And by the way, NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT. None. Nada. Zilch. NOT contact if you need a letter of recommendation. If he wrote a NC letter, resend it to her.

The OW will always try something to play the "poor me card." My grandma died. I might get fired. The OW in my situation (per my still-very-much involved WH) got hit by a bus...WHATEVER.

NO CONTACT. PERIOD. EVER. AND EVER. AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER.

My FWH is self employed so there could never be anyone else to write the letter, unless of course that person was me. I agree with all of your statements. I just cannot get her to stop contact. I can now even predict when the next e-mail is coming within just a few days. How sad.

My husband has been in management so he knows what he can say and what he cannot. My FWH also puts everything in compartments, so he sees her as a wonderful employee. I see her as a cheap tramp with no morals or values.

Somedays I wonder if this is all worth it...

I see your point about FWH being self employed, however, he does not owe her any kind of recommendation, and he owes you the courtesy of not obliging her request, due to the very inappropriate circumstances with the A.

I know that men compartmentalize (generally speaking). But I think a BS (male or female) would take exception to "opening the door" this way. And OW only needs a little crack in the door before she reengages. And even if your FWH thought he was strong enough to resist that kind of pursuit, does he want the heartache of warding off the advances, or do you want the heartache of knowing she will be at yet another ploy to be with your H.

IMHO, it is just not worth it. She's a big girl. Figure something else out.

send her an email asking her if she would like YOU to write a letter of recommendation to her prospective new bosses WIFE. One that says "OW shows a willingness to go above and beyond the call of duty by sleeping with the boss!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

He should NOT write her a letter of recommendation. NC! NONE. Apparently she doesn't understand what "NO" means.