I borrowed from some other letters I've read here so here it is, I have also sent a copy to Jennifer for review.


Dearest K,
This is one of the hardest letters I've ever written. It is with heavy heart that I sit here and put my thoughts and feelings to paper. It is truly sad what has happened to our marriage and us. The path that I must take now is not one of choice but one of self-preservation. Let me explain.
I would first like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in the demise of our marriage. I have made many mistakes in the past that can not be changed. What I have been able to do is recognize those errors in judgment and have learned from them so that I can take steps to ensure that they will not occur again. I was selfishly caught up in myself, and with my selfishness and foolishness I helped create a void in our marriage that helped allow this affair to happen. I did not realize how much it meant to you for me to be there for you. The handholding, the hugs and the snuggling to name a few, I now clearly see many of those things I was lacking in. I just didn’t understand how important it was to us. I have made it clear to everyone that my time with my precious wife is and will be my main focus. You will always come first.
I did not understand what it took to have a successful and fulfilling relationship, or how to meet your needs. I can not sit here today and say that I know all that I need to know about relationships but I can however honestly say that I have learned a lot about honoring, cherishing and companionship. I want to learn even more about how to be a supportive and loving man. The type of man that I hope you would be proud to call your husband; the same pride I felt so many times when I called you my wife.
Since February, I've been trying to give you hope for the marriage by learning how to be a better husband to you. To give you hope that you could return to a marriage that you wanted, and for us to build our family together, but the past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The pain and emptiness that I endure on a daily basis is almost too much to bear. My only saving grace is the memories of the love we once shared, of the all good times we have spent together, your extraordinary qualities that led me to ask you to spend your life with me and the thought of us being together, someday happy again. Unfortunately, I now find those memories and feelings are slowly eroding away. Before I lose any more of the memories and feelings of what were once us, I must take some drastic steps.
K, as you know I am still willing to do whatever it takes to correct the mistakes that we have made in the past and make our marriage together stronger and closer than we ever thought possible. With all of my heart, I would like to build a new marriage with you. One, in which we both feel loved, safe, cherished and honored. I simply can not continue my efforts to rebuild our marriage while you are still involved with (OM). It has become too painful. We can only rebuild our marriage...together...when you completely end your relationship with (OM).
Until that point, I feel I must break off all contact with you. I will avoid seeing you or talking to you or communicating with you in any way. I would also like any of the regular communications between us to be handled through SIL. If you have any emergency matters, you can always email me at any time. I will put your mail in the mail box on a designated night that you request so you can pick it up.
I hope that you understand that I am not doing this to hurt you or punish you but to protect my feelings for you. I ask that you respect my decision to separate from you in this way. You must know torturous pain and suffering I have endured because of your relationship with (OM). I simply cannot be in contact with you any longer, knowing that you and he are together. This separation is a necessity to preserve my love for you and to avoid losing any more of the things we have shared together, and to give our marriage the best chance for recovery!
I will be willing to discuss our future together as soon as you are willing to permanently separate from (OM) and are willing to construct a plan to ensure a total separation. Until that time I will continue to pray for us.
In my mind I will keep the vision of seeing you walk through the door and me saying "hello my love" and of a happy and loving couple where our needs are being met and a relationship where no others could come between us. I know it can happen! What anyone other then you thinks about us is of no importance to me or my feelings for you. I still love you today; I just can not be with you or help you as long as you are still involved with (OM).

Your loving husband,

<small>[ April 08, 2004, 01:54 PM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

OH Tinman...You brought tears to my eyes. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I can see the pain in your words. I think the letter sounds great...I am not one to critique though since I haven't been in Plan B! But I think it sounds very good and straight from the heart!

Tinman - Fabulous love letter. No LB's, and you clearly project your hope for the future of your marriage.

Great job!

As the fog begins to lift a little bit, your WW will ache when reading this letter. Hopefully, the ache will be strong enough to bring her out of the fog on a more permanent basis.

Until then, you know that we will all be here to support your Plan B efforts. Don't quote me, but I may be with you sooner than later..... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

well, the letter sure made me cry a ton

i'm sorry, i have no other advice. maybe this was not a good time for me to try to read a letter like that <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

The Tinman,

It is a good letter. I assume you have Jennifer's blessing for plan B. You have not plan A for long and what make you going for plan B ?. Does she reject your plan A ?.

-rh-

redhat Jennifer told me to go to Plan B because she said I was LBing a lot and my wife disreguards my feelings since she is living with OM. Jennifer said I could do Plan A but me knowing my W is living and working with OM and they spend more then 15hrs a week together this is the way to go. I hope that maybe some of the things I said about my wife and her reactions to certain things that have been said and done is why she has me going to plan B.

Hi TM,

Nice letter.I think you did a good job.You are going to Plan B because WW moved in with OM right? I would do that too.Plan A is wasted on a WS who is living with OP.That's my own opinion anyway.Hopefully WW living with this OM will help dissolve the A fantasy-bubble soon.

O

The Tinman,

Thanks for the info. Usually Plan B is invoked when BS can't stop LB'ng, WS rejected Plan A or WS can't decide (cake eater).

The only hope now is for OM & WS LB'ng each other.

-rh-

looks good to me but i'm no expert. i may also save this to use later if i need to. i'm wishing you for what you desire, your WW to agree to your requests and that your M will recover. let us know what jennifer says. i've got my 3rd session w/SH in about 10 minutes. prayers to you.

Thanks RR hope your session goes well.

I thought it was nice too. I hope my H feels that way about me someday.

Hang in there...it is about to get real bumpy! :-)

Thanks Christy, I know it's going to be a bumpy ride but it can't be any worse then the one I'm on now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Tinman,

I've never had to do plan B. Therefore I won't critique or offer suggestions. I would like to say it is clearly a love letter, it shows you have a strong desire to rebuild the M, it clearly states you are only doing this to protect your love for your W, and it clearly lays out the conditions under which communciations can resume.

Made me cry, too. Beautiful.

Thank You Turtlehead, I hope this works for both of us if not I guess life will go on. I will be a better person when all is said and done. I asked how long I should do this for and Jennifer said it was up to me. I know I should take it one day at a time but I think 6 months from the day she left is all I can take. We'll see, only time will tell and it ain't talkin.

That was just about the best Plan B letter I have ever read! Good job!!!

Usually Plan B letters get a little long-winded and hint at LBing...I read no hints of LBing. Although long-winded, and WW will not REALLy read much of what is in the letter now...as a last communication with her, it will be good to have written all these words so she can read them later when fog is getting thinner.

I wouldn't change a thing!!

Thanks StillHereMakingIt, I hope Jennifer feels the same way. I sent her a copy to review to see if she approves of it. I'm going to give it to my W next week, who knows maybe a miricle will happen and I won't have to do this. I know wishful thinking.

Dear Tinman

I think it is a great letter, you have done a wonderful job -I will keep my fingers crossed that you don't need to use it but if you do I'm sure it will touch her heart - Sandy

that would truly be wonderful if you didn't have to give it to her and a lot could happen in a week. did jennifer give you an idea of when she would get back w/you? BTW my H has agreed to talk to SH on monday. I'm trying not to get my hope up but this is a positive step. pray for me as i pray for you.

Sandy thank you for the responce I hope it works.

RR I just posted on yours I will pray for you and your H. I'm glad that he will counsel with SH I hope he sticks to his word. Jennifer said she will call me if there is anything wrong with the letter if I don't hear anything to give it to my W.

Didn't get anything back from Jennifer about the letter yet I had to resend it as an email since they can't open attachments so I resent it last night so I have to wait and see if Jennifer calls me for improvements.