Me and another poster on the board have been thrown into situations where we have had to have face to face contact with WH.

Emergency stuff like basement filling with water because sump pump died and so on. Anyway to get to the point, we were both in Plan B and all of sudden we had to have contact with WH. Now 8 weeks ago when I started Plan B, I thought I was going to die without him. Now I have seen him three times at the house fixing things, railings, pump stuff that needs to be done even if we have to sell the house. Feelingit has had to see her WH due to illness in the family, anyway neither one of us feels anything for the WH anymore. How can this be?

I mean 3 weeks ago I thought I would die without him and I sat here and cried all the time. Either our meds are working really good, or something has happened to us. I am like an ice queen all of a sudden. I can hold my composure, and I can talk, I can not LB because I don't care anymore.

Is it possible that the heart is protecting us from further hurt? Or will it swing around again and we will feel the pain again? Anyone had this sort of thing happen and then not have feelings anymore? I don't even want him here when he is here. I used to want him to come home, now it is better without him. Is this truly possible to feel this way? Any ideas on why both of us feel nothing? Thanks.

NY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Haiku
My heart grows number
the longer you are away
I won't feel the pain

I understand that the death of a relationship is like a death of a loved one. There is so much pain, that yes, there is a defense mechanism that cuts it off. It sounds like your subconscious has found a way to defend you from hurt. Hooray for your subconscious, it is protecting you!

This detachment can only work in your favor. You hurt less, and you exude that "I don't want you" attitude that many men find devastatingly attractive!

Wanthim

We also seem to have a similar story. My WH is with coworker also. Thanks for the bit of information. I am hoping that is what my heart is doing. Hopefully it will stay calloused for now.

NY

NY -

You know how I feel about this subject. I do believe it is your mind's way of protecting you. I could be wrong, though. The answers lie within you. I think in time, it will become clear to both you and your friend.

Always have hope. 3 weeks ago my H wanted a D, now he loves me again, has moved back home, and put his wedding ring back on. Holy cow!

Miracles do happen. God is the only way this M has been saved. Continue to pray for His guidance and the strength to follow His will. He will carry you in the palm of his hand. I think He already is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lots of love and support and HUGS and hope!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> SS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi NY

Thanks for putting this on I was just thinking of doing the same thing. It has been six months since WH left and I have been in Plan B for about six weeks now. It doesn't seem that long when you write it down but boy it feels a long time. As you know I have had cause to see WH a number of times this week and I have been amazed at how I feel, well not at all for my WH. I wouldn't care less if I saw him ever again. Is this what Plan B is supposed to be like to get you in so much control of yourself and your feelings that you have none for your WH anymore. I have said to you about recovery and I feel that I do not want to go through that aspect (if it were in deed given to me) I am doing really well on my own with the children and do not want to spoil that by being hurt once again or having to work at a worthless marriage. I think my WH has done me a favour and the OW is most welcome to him and his habits and lack of morals. I am going to find someone else that can have morals and maintain a relationship without the complications.

I can't answer for NY but I believe my WH really does love the OW and as he is living with her now and planning on buying a property with her I think I am one of the percentages where the WH does not return home. I have to get on with my life and PLan B has helped me to do this. I do believe God has it in hand and is showing me to get on without my WH. Not to live for any hope anymore of his returning and this is what I am doing and managing very well. If this is indeed the subconscious mind protecting me then I gladly recieve it and thank it for doing such a good job

One of the greatest benefits of Plan B is that you remove yourself from the roller coaster of madness. Of COURSE you can retain your composure better - you're not driving yourself nuts because of every little thing he says or does. Your brain is allowed some rest from the constant panic and wonder.

Have you found, though, that since you've been in contact again that your thoughts are busy and somewhat anxious again?

Hi, experiencing the same thing here, and enjoying it,

The last time my WH went back to the OW I was furious (dumped youngest daughter back home after telling her he could live with her!). Something inside me just clicked and ever since I haven't really wanted him back. Staying in Plan B was a little hard for a few days because I was so angry at him I had to resist urge to call him and tell him off LOL. But that wore off and has not been replaced with that urge to call him and try to talk him into coming home.

I don't know if it's the anti-depressant, him doing something so despicable it was the last straw, keeping myself (extremely) busy, exercise (finally have the Dr. OK to exercise as much as I want - LOTS LOL), or my WH's deposits in my love bank being so bankrupt... but I finally feel like I'm getting over him.

The divorce won't be final until September so it will still be awhile. But I'm looking forward to dating and starting a new life. I want a husband who knows how to protect himself and his marriage from temptation.

Meanwhile the OW and WH broke up again... They didn't even stay together for a week LOL. This makes about their 30th break-up since last July - no exaggeration. OW is making a fool out of WH, he's angry, hurt, emabarrassed... but still so desparately 'in love' with her he can't help himself. His daughters and our mutual friends have lost all respect for him. I pretty much feel nothing but pity for him now. Oh, well, this is what he wanted and what he chose despite my warnings.

I guess so but not as intensly. I do not have churning in my stomach when I think of WH with OW. When I see WH I don't have butterflies or that pleased to see him feeling.

What I have found though are my sleep pattern has altered and I am finding it hard to sleep, when I do I am having a lot of dreams about WH and OW. I guess this answers your question but what does it mean.

Oops - I meant to say WH dumped youngest daughter back home after telling her she could live with HIM (WH). Actually he did tell me youngest daughter could still live with him even if he was back with OW... But when I asked him how that would work, would youngest daughter be forced to accept OW and live at OW's aprtment, or would he be leaving 12 year old daughter home alone at his apartment when he slept over with OW, he told me "It's none of your f***ing business"...

I also feel nothing at all for WH when he comes. No flips, flops or butterflies. I have no anxiety and I sleep through the night now. I just feel nothing. I can't explain it. I don't wish him to be here, and I don't care if he is. Well I like it better when he isn't. I like being alone, or with my kids now. I never did before. I have found being alone very self satisfying. I read, watch movies, clean, listen to music loud, clean my truck out, feed the birds, paint, burn trash. Just things I feel rushed doing when the kids are here. I even take baths now.

I love my life, I think I was made to be a single mom. I can't imagine living with a man again really. I think Plan B has put me in the protective mode and it is wonderful, and a great place to be. I love life much more now than I ever did, whether I am alone or not.

NY