Hi there. This is my first time posting on this board, on any board as a matter of fact. I apologize upfront that I don't know all of the "codes" to use.
My H started affair almost 2 years ago on a business trip w/ someone from another office of the same company who he says he had become friends with. When he returned from that trip, I told him I was expecting our 3rd child. I found out about the A 2 months later and he said at that point he had ended it. There is so much history so I will try to summarize. We went to counseling, I thought things were getting better in our marraige. Typical issues... not spending enough time together, not enough intimacy, he was feeling that I wasn't interested in him, etc. Then he started growing distant again and talked about moving out. Moved out last Sept. but came home every night for dinner & get the kids to bed so the kids didn't know he had moved out. (Kids are 5, 3 & 1) End of Nov. he said he was willing to try and make things work and moved back home. I thought things were getting better again but then at end of Feb. he grew distant again. 2 weeks ago I did some of my own investigative work and found that he has been calling, e-mailing, seeing, sending flowers, etc. to her the whole time he said he was trying to work on our marraige.

So here's the thing, he thinks that his relationship with her (not sure if it's PA or EA now) has nothing to do with us and how he feels about me. That it's just us... that we don't connect anymore. All very vague reasons for not trying to make a marraige work, especially w/ 3 young kids. He thinks his feelings for her are separate from his ability to make our marraige work. A friend just gave me this link yesterday so I haven't been able to read everything yet but I truly believe that he is addicted to this OW. He won't listen to reasoning from anyone. Not me (or course not), not his mother (whom he respects & loves very much), not his best friend, not his brother, etc.
He is in this fog that everyone mentions and can't see what he's doing.
HOW DO YOU GET THE ADDICT TO ADMIT THEY HAVE A PROBLEM??? Until he does that, there is no hope for us and I continue to talk to a brick wall.
Thanks for listening. Please help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi Mom,

Welcome to MB! What a wonderful friend you have to refer you to this site.

You'll meet many people who know how you feel and will help guide you through what you're facing.

Hopefully you'll read the basic concepts section.

Post here, vent here, ask questions here.

I LOVE these people! PA = physical affair; EA = emotional affair.

I agree with your addiction theory. You'll read many thoughts on this very subject! Can't stay long, just wanted to welcome you!

Printed off the Basic Concepts section to read tonight while I try to fall asleep. Where do I find out what Plan A and Plan B are?

Welcome so sorry you have to be here.

I'm due in July with our 3rd child and my WH currently is not living at home. He is deep in the fog and refuses to talk with any friends or family. Claims nobody understands what OW and him have. Don't waste your breath read up on Plan A it is for those of us whose WH don't want to give up the affair.

hi mom-
I am so sorry for what you are going thru-especially with 3 small daughters. I am a former addict of OM. My H gave me the "addict" lecture one night & I denied it, and now looking back I see how true it was. I didnt know how to stop-even when the OM turned on me. I still fight thoughts of OM-all the time, because the additive emotions were so strong & it was a PA- so I felt connected to him in that way. All this to say, be patient with your H, pray for him, and I will pray for you both-pal

Hi Mom.
It seems for many of us betrayed spouses that from the very moment of discovering that our mates were involved with someone else, we no longer took them for granted!

I think the fear of losing them was like a GIANT WAKE-UP call.

Following is the site where a lady named Carol posted how she got her wandering husband back.
I like how she did it because she made her H see that he could lose her! Opened his eyes to the possiblility.
It was like HIS wake-up call.

Read what she wrote and see what you think.
Love, Julie

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=014880;p=1

Thanks Julie... I will read that after I get the kids off to school, etc. But again, where's to find the info on Plan A & Plan B??

Hi Mom! here is a link to Plan A and Plan B

Plan A and Plan B

Have you read Surviving An Affair...It is the best book I have read! I regret reading any of the other ones after reading this one. I would highly suggest you get it and read it!