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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 129
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OP
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 129 |
Did anyone experience intense and very frequent physical intimacy with their spouse during the A and even after the A was over? Our counselor said that the further away the spouses are emotionally (due to the A), the closer they get physically in a subconscious effort to hold on to that person. Also, it has something to do with the arousal, guilt, confusion, anxiety and displaced passion that the WS is going through...a major stress release. And, another question...are most OWs not aware that their married lover is having such intense physical relations with their spouse during the A? If I were the OW, I would run like h*ll if I new my married man was hot for his wife (even if it was just sex and not love making all the time).
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 530
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 530 |
Spirit,
The physical intimacy between my husband and I definitely intensified after I found out about the OW. Someone on the board mentioned that sometimes that can be a way for the BS to 'reclaim' their territory. But I do believe that it is also a way to maybe hold on for both the WS as well as the BS.
Ever since all of this has been discovered, I have had the best sex with my husband, but recently I noticed that he did have some problems with erection when we are together and it just breaks my heart because I now feel that not even his body wants me anymore...
Kati
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262
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Joined: Dec 2001
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I don't think this is all that complicated.
During my affair, I was happy and enjoying my life with two women. Once I rationalized that my relationship with the OW was something I deserved, I experienced no further guilt or anxiety about it. When I'm happy, I'm much more interested in SF.
The OW and I talked about this increase in SF at home. She experienced it with her H as well. I wasn't bothered by this at all. We were actually happy for each other that our home lives seemed to be going better. We considered this a "side benefit" of the affair.
After the affair, my wife's sex drive went into overdrive. The only thing we can think is that she wanted to reclaim what was hers.
Low
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 129
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 129 |
Low:
The difference between your situation and ours is that the OW wasn't married (divorced). I'd like to think she was a decent enough kind of person to not put up with my H having sexual relations with me.
<small>[ April 08, 2004, 12:38 PM: Message edited by: spirit_driven ]</small>
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 129
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 129 |
Low:
The difference between your situation and ours is that the OW wasn't married (divorced for a few years before meeting my H). I'd like to think she was a decent enough kind of person to not put up with my H having sexual relations with me while involved with her at the same time.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 525
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Yes, the same thing happened with us. We went to Retrouvaille during the A. We got emotionally closer, so I was comfortable with SF while FWS decided what he wanted to do. It wasn't until later that I found out he was with me the day after being with her.
In our case, the OW was single and assumed there was nothing left of the M. She got very angry when she figured out we were still sleeping in the same bed, he was still saying ILU, and we were having SF. I could only handle about a month of his waffling, though, and we were not intimate again until FWS ended the A.
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