I decided to start a new thread because I didn't want to keep going off the subject in yours--I think that's a very important subject for discussion.

Thank you so much--I was really torn when I first found out, but am starting to get excited about it now. H knew--found out the same time I did. No way in the world I could hide something like that from him! LOL! I told my family last night and today (as scared to do that--lol), and surprisingly, everyone is excited.

For anybody else reading this, the "secret" was that I'm pregnant. Don't know if many here remember me, I first came here in November of '02 and haven't posted much in the past, well, almost a year. I consider H and I to be fully recovered--the A rarely comes up in conversation, and when it does, there are no triggers, or anger, or anything like that. Our marriage is stronger and happier than it's ever been. Wow--a year or so ago, I never thought I'd be ale to say that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh btw 3, I should be due the 3rd or 4th week of November.

<small>[ April 08, 2004, 02:02 PM: Message edited by: luvbird ]</small>

Congrats to you.
I'm unfamiliar with your story, but will go back tonight and read through it for good measure.

Your post lifted my spirits immediately. We're JUST starting recovery, and the triggers, and the rollercoaster is still so fresh and raw.

You showed me a light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm so happy for you , you are truly blessed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thank you so much! I will go back and read some of your old posts, but I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that it WILL get better. With time and a caring partner, the triggers, and the deep sadness will all fade.

WELL the secret is out , thank goodness I thought you told us before him LOL
I am so happy for ya , and glad to here all was joyed with the news .

I can relate to the confusyion part , had a freind who got pregnant and she called me first after her H new and she first cried .She knew I would understand , althougth a bady is a wonderful gift it sometimes comes in different parts of your life and well throws ya for a suprise .

After all that pass we all know the excitement of the gift that is given to us out ways any worrys .

Don't know if I just read to much into what you said, (ya know I got that habit LOL)

So fully RECOVERED that is a blessing , I always knew it would happen for ya , you are /where very strong while it was going on .
You set your bounderies and took no crap ! WHAT a women .

I am happy to know the pain has past and the lines of communications are moving forward and not traveling in the past where it would be unhealthy for you to stay .

Unlike you I am IN RECOVERY not recovered , partly my fault and his to .

CONTACT as you are aware of lasted way to long but yes I stuck with him through doing it his WAY , and unfortunately dameged ME but helped him to survive with a better SELF recovery .

H is one of the most confident people I know and is able to forgive HIMSELF rather fast .

HE still avoids to a degree, and in my opoin is settling for me in away .

NOT that he doesn't love me he does and I know that its just not the love that I once had the love that was there when we M . I just felt confident that , that was the love that was going to return , and I do not feel it did.

Witch in turn has prompted my thread of APPEARANCE ,,, ALtough he does not admitt all to me he has a problem with the way I look ,,, I mean I am no beast LOL but I am not what I was pre children .

YES when he came home I was thinner (from the A I lost all the baby weight and more ) but I have put a few on .
When he came home people around me felt I looked unheathy (eating disorder) I guess it was , I knew if I lost it he would eventually notice me I did the fingure down the pips and lived on beer and JACK !

What a deit LOL , with that said, if someone said, something to him about how good I looked his comment was yes she is looking good , NOW SHE NEEDS TO KEEP GOING still alot of work to be done .

NOW he tells me hey I except it , what can I do this is you . IE: LOOSE WEIHGT HONEY I AM NOT SATISFIED . SEX is not really there I mean he went from a give it to me all the time guy to no big deal if it happens once a month !

Theres no fear about being naked in front of him cause he won't look to want me .

So underlining he had a drive when with OW and now he is willing to go without ..........

So I know this man it is about the BARBIE DOLL BI^&& ,,, not that he is seeing or speacking to her but the fact that he got a taste of going back to that THIN , tone body and now I must have had more pros then cons on the list then she did so I am the WINNER !

OH JOY !

BUT now that I depressed the crap out of you , he is with me , he accounts for his time always with me and kids and we do spend time alone alot of cuddling and sweet songs he sings to me BUT $HIT I just thought hey you almost lost everything , aren't you scared of screwing this up again .

I guess I fixed everything for him and he knows that ,,, we are in dept , remortage the house to pay off over 20,ooo of the FANTASY that he was living .

OW was rented an apt.(cost me 3 months rent ) also fully furnished with leather coachs , glass tables and a bed room d=set for her daughter .

Among the normal things like appliances and towels ect. And lets not forget vactions and things that where paid for cash with his little indevers of side money that I nor my kids never repeated the benifits from .

And to top it off with hot fuge and sprinkles he thinks to this day that she is a wonderful mother and women .

I have one of those FWS that never sees OW as anything but GOOD ! (PUKE PUKE PUKE)

He still defends her in all this , and really never sees my pain at all , he sees me as strong .

BUT I will be ok , I 've sucked up $hit before and made it through with that pretent smile .

I am so good sometimes I think I should be an actress LOL

I mean I have people complement our M now , saying such wonderful things to me about what a change they see in the 2 of us that they say I never thougth it was possiable that you 2 could over come this and make it even better !

So I have 1 freind that I confide in when I need to BLOW my cork screw off then I bottle up and open my eyes for the next day .

And yes WHEN I PMS its bad (still)

BUT for the most part I am good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well now that I gave ya some reading material I got to cook dinner . OH how I fill those needs . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

And I still got my humor ,,, although not everyone gets it . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
BUT after spending a yr talkin with me I am sure ya got it !

Stick around and let some know how good it is on the other SIDE ! There are plenty here who can use the encouragement , I still belive in love .

CINDRELLA !catch ya soon !

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Don't know if I just read to much into what you said </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nope--you described it perfectly!

About the appearance stuff--I think you know how I feel about that, and I think my opinion generally clashes with the majority here (guess that's my disclaimer because I know what I'm going to say is probably contradictive to MB principles, but hey, it's JMO). If you are taking care of yourself, and YOU are happy with yourself, that's what counts. I really hope that he didn't marry you for your looks, I find it hard to swallow that he (or anybody for that matter) would end a marriage over it. If you REALLY want my honest opinion (well even if you don't you're about to get it anyway--lol), it's bs (and I don't mean betrayed spouse). It probably swelled his head all up that he was able to get some young pretty twit, and this is probably just his way of pouting over the fact that he no longer has his plaything. If he can't see you as the beautiful person that you are, that is HIS problem (one that I think he will eventually figure out).

I know you say your H is very confident and forgives himself easily, but he is probably still hurting and lashing out. I know a lot of people think it's a woman thing, but some men use sex as a tool also (no pun intended--lol). Don't let it get you too down. Get ya a BOB for the time being to take care of the errrr, frustration (don't be ashamed--we went through the same thing). He'll come around eventually.

Regardless of the problems you 2 are having now, you have come a LONG way! And I bet it's going to get better and better!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And I still got my humor ,,, although not everyone gets it .
BUT after spending a yr talkin with me I am sure ya got it ! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Of course! And hold on to that humor girl!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Stick around and let some know how good it is on the other SIDE ! There are plenty here who can use the encouragement , I still belive in love . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do plan on sticking around (unless I get flamed out for some of the things I say--lol). I really hesitate to post about how good things are now, because I don't want it to feel like a slap in the face to everybody that's still in the middle of the mess.

luvbird - don't know you or your story but I wanted to say congratulations on your fantastic news...both...the baby and the recovery. I did read your 'secret' on 3's post and I have to admit I dropped a tear or two (which I admit isn't hard to do these days). My WH and I moved this past fall to our dream home in our dream location to begin our dream life...too bad OW (his boss) and my H had trouble saying 'good-bye'...and thus the A begins... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> While selling our house and planning our 'dream' we talked of having another child. We had no definite plans but we were talking about it. I never let on how much I truly wanted one more. We have 2 handsome boys (ages 5 and 2.5) and a beautiful princess blessed our home a year ago. Oh how I truly wanted one more...another little girl so my princess would have a playmate...or, oh, how wonderful another little boy would have been. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Anyway, I didn't mean to depress your post. I just think that it's wonderful that you are healed and confident in having a child. D-day was just over 2 mths ago (NC took longer...3 weeks ago today) and, while my H has taken many steps in the right direction, I am struggling with ever believing that we (or should I say I) will ever be 'okay' again. The idea of having another child is gone and for some reason has really been hitting me hard this week.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really hesitate to post about how good things are now, because I don't want it to feel like a slap in the face to everybody that's still in the middle of the mess.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMO, feel free to slap <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ...at least for me, it gives me a little hope. Advice from someone who has found happiness after this is advice that I'll always have time to hear.

Congratulations again.

Getting flammed for an OPOIN I think not LOL

YOU know I post when and how I want , I have taken alot of 2x4 saying that I wasn't DOING IT RIGHT ,,,, Well ya know my thoughts EVERYONE is different and although I belive in most MB princepals ,, some are hard for me to swallow .

THATS why we have OPIONS we are not in a cult LOL

LF- glad you read LUVBIRD is someone who has alot to offer around here and being that she is in full recovery it is a poaaitive thing that more like yourself know there is a silver lining .

SO BIRD- thanks for listening and while you are going through that dare I say these words "ROLLERCOSTER" of pregnace and thoughs hormons are screeming and the moods a rockin feel free and let me here all ABOUT IT LOL

I am soooooooooooooo happy for ya and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad it not ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am looking in to haveing those bad boys TIED, cut and burned .
NO not my kids ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> MY TUBES ! SHOP IS CCCCLLLOOSSEEDD ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have 2 wonderful little monsters and thats just enough for me to handle ( I am not to stable ya know LOL)

MY son (9) is a major handful , 4th grade and going crazy with all the work , plus the girl thing is happening already , and the I am my own parent I don't need to listen to you thing mom .
BUT under it all me and him we got the best heart to heart relationship ever . HE tells me everything very open shares his feelings well , very in touch with his emotions (hmmm alot like ?)

AND then there is my QUEEN 6 going on He11 I don't even know what age on any given day it could be from 15 to 30 LOL .
SHE is a challange , real clone of her DAD ! in every way . I always said, I wanted a daughter only if she would be a clone of my H .

SHE is strong and confident if she stays this way (like H) SHE will never as a women get stepped on .

So wonderful to see them grow and see what becomes of them AS PEOPLE .

When we talk to them I do talk to them about future of course like education and jobs . (espeacaly son right now) but most of all I talk alot more about them become GOOD PEOPLE , secure with in themselves and loving them self first .

Every night before prays and bed I ask them so who do ya love ,,, they start by saying ,,"I love god, myself , mommy and daddy "

the order that I care most about is GOD AND themself .

SO girl I got to go do some tybo and first pilates OH JOY ! THEN in some part of this day my 3 mile walk . and lets not forget not going over that 1000 cal, diet I started 2 weeks ago .

SO I in the end my body will kill me , but hey I will get so dam beutiful that maybe I will run off and never return home for 9 months LOL

ONLY KIDDING ,,, I put up with so much $hit this boy is only getting rid of me if I die or if he cheats again in witch case I will be picking out his BOX for eternity ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> LOL

SEE that humor , got jet women ! OH and you want to read some CV has a great post and could use encouragement , also Hopein NY , very strong in PLAN B , and of course LF as posted above .

MISS M has been popping in and out around here , she was always on my threads so I know you rember her as well as TO4T and STILLMAKINGIT.

BYE for now .

luvbird,

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

i do not know your story either, i have only been here myself since dec, 03. It is NOT a slap in the face for you to show us how happy you are, in fact it is EXTREMELY HELPFUL!!!

I very much need to see the happy endings, please do post!

LF--AWWWWWWWWWW <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I remember a conversation I had with OW (yeah I know that sounds weird--we were somewhat friends before and even during part of the A). I think it was before everything came out. I remember telling her that what killed me the most about possibly losing H was losing my future babies, because I knew there was no way I would be able to get to know and trust someone else enough for that before the age risks went up (I know I'm only 29, but I really don't plan on having anymore after 34). I told her that it wasn't just him that I was losing (more like she was trying to take away), that I would be losing my future babies. Since (and a good deal because of) the A, I had no plans for having any more children--obviously someone else had another plan in mind!

NC just started 3 weeks ago for you--your recovery is just beginning! I know it's hard to imagine now, but things WILL change. The wound is still open right now, but it does get better. Please don't let yourself fall into a depression over what you don't have right now--you have 3 beautiful children and a husband that is moving in the right direction. That is DEFINITELY something to be thankful for!

3--The reason I said something about being flamed is I've noticed that a lot of my opinions do not go along with MB principles. Is that going to stop me from voicing them? Nope!

Rollercoaster?? Compared to the A, this is a merry-go round! LOL!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am soooooooooooooo happy for ya and SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad it not ME </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LMAO! Ya know, if the situation was reversed, I would have said the exact same thing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

My girls are opposites on most things, except they're both bossy and argumentative! Can't imagine where they got that from. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My 10 y.o. does not like boys AT ALL. I am NOT complaining! LOL! My 6 y.o.'s best friend is a boy, and she is a little flirt! They are both smart, both in AG, which, of course, they could have only gotten from ME. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Hey, gotta have something good to go with the bossiness and stubbornness!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> SO girl I got to go do some tybo and first pilates OH JOY ! THEN in some part of this day my 3 mile walk . and lets not forget not going over that 1000 cal, diet I started 2 weeks ago . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, I'm gonna jump up on my soapbox now (I know that's no surprise--lol). Exercise is a good thing, I won't argue with that. But under 1000 cal/day??? I think that's going too far (you know I'm not going to pull any punches with ya but I still love ya). With all that exercise, do you know where your body is going to get the fuel that it's not getting from food? YOUR MUSCLES! 1000 cals. is NOT enough to keep you going with bustin your a$$ for H and kids AND doing all that exercise! And besides, don't you know that when you reduce calories so far, your body just tries to adjust by slowing down your metabolism because it thinks it's starving? And that is NOT conducive to weight loss!

There is nothing wrong with eating healthy, but don't deprive your body of what it needs. You need plenty of protein, vitamins from fruits & veggies, and lots of water. If you're not getting enough protein (and most people on low-calorie diets don't get enough), your body will start breaking down muscle to get the protein. The less muscle you have, the slower you will burn calories.

Have you though about cutting carbs? I don't mean doing Atkins induction less than 20 grams of carbs a day, but cutting out the simple carbohydrates like sugar, white flour, rice, potatoes, etc? It works for a lot of people--was working pretty good for me until about a week ago--LOL!

I guess I'll step down from the soapbox for now (reluctantly--lol). Just throwing some things out there for ya to think about. I've been studying up on this diet stuff for a while now--I've read tons, and had lots of input from teachers (one is a doctor).

FL--Thank You!!!

My story, the really really condensed version--
11/02--H had a short A. I got the ILYBINILWY speech. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He sat on the fence for a while, was still in contact with her at work, didn't know if he wanted to be with anybody at the time. 1/03 He recommitted to our M. Eventually contact ended completely when OW quit her job. I spent close to a year wondering if this man was worthy of me, and eventually decided that he is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No, it really wasn't that simple, but those are the basic facts.

OK, y'all have convinced me that it's ok to talk about things going good. But if I get one post saying that I'm gloating or rubbing it in anybody's face, I'm gonna say that y'all told me to do it! LOL!

<small>[ April 09, 2004, 10:11 AM: Message edited by: luvbird ]</small>

3!!! Somehow I missed this the first time I read it--

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I knew if I lost it he would eventually notice me I did the fingure down the pips and lived on beer and JACK ! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Girl I could kick your butt for that!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I haven't called your husband any names in a long time, but don't let that $h!thead make you feel so bad about yourself that you endanger your health! And you know better! Don't make me get out the 2x4!!

OK, the reason I came to post again was that I just realized I said 6 y.o. when my little one is 7. I am SUCH a dork today--even forgot to go to school. I mean I seriously forgot I was supposed to go to school today--LMAO!

YOUR not a dork for forgetting to go to school ,,

NOw a dork would leave the house , go to the airport get a ticket to ARUBA and then after sucking down a couple of CORONAS rember she forget all about the H and kids at home LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

OH I was dreaming again ,,, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Just had to through that in there , and you can sick them on me ,, if ya get blasted by anyone I am not afraid after all they don't have my address LOL

I here ya about the deit thing ,, but if I go near to much food I gain weight , I am ruduced on carbs. in that ... fish, chicken, turkey and spinach ......

I got to loose this by the summer my goal is 20lbs by june . I need to get to the weight I was when he came home 18 lbs to go . then while all is going on I am toning . ALOT of water to fill me up ... and sleep well I don't get much thats ok ..

I work out when ever possiable these past 2 weeks .

well 2 weeks monday I think .

Its hard juggling the house work and the "needs " of family plus making working out a way of life .

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I told her that it wasn't just him that I was losing (more like she was trying to take away), that I would be losing my future babies. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, that's it. I'm okay with not having another child because I have already been so very blessed with 3 happy and healthy children. I'm not okay with knowing that it was not my choice but hers (she told my H he was crazy when he told her we were having our 3rd...they were just 'friends' then). I'm 35 years old and tired. I wasn't looking forward to the stress of trying to get pregnant, the 9 months of being pregnant, or the first year but another child to love and care for would have been worth it all. We were talking about it but I don't know if we would have ever tried to have another...I just wish it had been my choice...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I know it's hard to imagine now, but things WILL change. The wound is still open right now, but it does get better. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is so very hard for me to believe. I read that others have happy marriages after As but I guess I just can't see it for myself. My H and my children were my world. I respected my H and loved him more than myself. I know I'm not alone but I trusted that if there was one thing I could always count on it was that we would always be faithful to each other...me and him against the world. Even when we weren't getting along we would instantly join forces to beat any obsticle that got in our way. With this obsticle, he opened the door and allowed someone else to come in, shut the door and locked me outside (I like to blame her because I truly believe that she used him at a time when he was weak from overwhelming stress but he was the one who initiated so...). He shared his body, his mind, and his soul with another woman and I just don't know how I'm ever going to get over that <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I sure do hope it's sunny this weekend...

This is so very hard for me to believe. I read that others have happy marriages after As but I guess I just can't see it for myself. My H and my children were my world. I respected my H and loved him more than myself. I know I'm not alone but I trusted that if there was one thing I could always count on it was that we would always be faithful to each other...me and him against the world. Even when we weren't getting along we would instantly join forces to beat any obsticle that got in our way. With this obsticle, he opened the door and allowed someone else to come in, shut the door and locked me outside (I like to blame her because I truly believe that she used him at a time when he was weak from overwhelming stress but he was the one who initiated so...). He shared his body, his mind, and his soul with another woman and I just don't know how I'm ever going to get over that


I can hear what you are saying loud and clear. I to made my family (children &H ) my life .

IN that I lost ME ! This is where you may need to focuse your attention . finding what makes YOU happy . I don't mean H & kids, I mean what do you like ,,, books, drawing , walking , writing ect..
Some thing that defines you , something that frees you your own little thing .

Within taking these steps you will find a difference in YOU then one that will project to those around you and happiness .

READ some of ARKS post , it is no one but our selfs that can bring us true happiness .

I think the name of the thread is "BS RECLAIM WHAT IS YOURS " something like that .

You are early in this , recovery , time does have away of chnging things . AND I will tell ya from MY experiance the faster your SELF recovery goes the smoother M recovery comes along .
WHAT he spent with OW will never be real what he spent with you and is going through with you is real , life is not cookies and cream . (wow I am hungry LOL)

BEST to ya , post offten and anything spill your guts your not strang or alone . nothing to fear here or any where except fear itself.