UGH!! I posted yesterday about my H won't admit that he's addicted to the OW and thinks that "it's just us". He moved out about 2 weeks ago and hadn't told his oldest brother yet what has been happening. Not only that, his plan was to tell him via e-mail! Of course, because rightly so he must be so ashamed of what he's done and is doing. I told him 2 days ago that I wanted to call his sister-in-law. At first he said OK, then he said he'd rather tell his brother first and that he would do it that day. So today I called her and talked for an hour. She was very supportive and of course shocked by his behavior. I told him tonight that I spoke to her and he got so angry. Said I blindsided him and that what I did was very selfish. Me? THe selfish one?? Please. As Dr. Harley says, "Infidelity is one of the most thoughtless, dishonest and cruel acts of self-indulgence imaginable." And I am the selfish one? Then he tells me not to send him anymore e-mails (regarding this site) that he will not read them! And he considering cancelling our appt. with the counselor next week too!! UGH!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Mom don't worry, he's mad because you just took a little fantasy out of his fantasy land. I was told by several people on this sight to expose the affair to family. You have to do it tactfully though. I told her family my family, my W was very angry with me and still is as far as I know but like I said it takes the fantasy out of the affair. When I told my MIL and FIL I told them about the A and said I still love your daughter very much and would love for her to come back into my life. I have another question for you is the OW married? If she is tell her H. Besides even though he told you he was going to tell his brother it's hard to believe things from a WS when thier in fogland.

They always get mad when you expose it, but it is still the best thing to do. Exposing the affair takes away the secret fun of it and embarrasses them. Let him rant and rave, he will get over it!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by momof3girls:
<strong> UGH!! I posted yesterday about my H won't admit that he's addicted to the OW and thinks that "it's just us". </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know, I would suggest that you not try and educate him and tell him stuff like this. He won't hear you and its a lovebuster because often they feel like they are being lectured to. Plan A is a program of attraction and this only pushes them away. I wouldn't send him articles about marriage recovery either unless he asks for it.

When are you scheduled to talk to Harley?

Tinman - thanks for your response. I know it was hard for him to tell his brother who is much older and more like a father figure, especially since his father passed away. The kicker is that he finally read some excerpts of postings that I sent him today and said that he has definitely felt some of the things people were saying. I was also making a concerted effort not to LB. It seemed like a good night then... bam. And no the OW is not married. Her parents were divorced too. I don't know the history of that but seems like "the sins of the father repeated..." And I definitely don't want any of my daughters to ever behave that way!!

ML - as I said above, something may have slightly clicked with the posting I sent him and the link to this site. But now may be undermined. Of course, if this is the straw that breaks the camels back then what chance did we have anyway? I don't have an appt. w/ Harley. I'd like my H to join me and didn't think he was ready to agree to that yet. We are supposed to see our therapist on Tuesday but now he says he's not sure about that because of what I did. Talk about living in a fog! I'm mean, I've stood my him and fought for a year and a half... does he really think I'm going to do something like this just to undermine everything?? I just called friends to talk so that I wouldn't end up calling the H and getting into an arguement. Getting ready to move to Plan B.

don't really know your story but i will say that i think every situation is different. i'm grateful for all those who have shared their experiences and given their advice but at the same time you and your H (and the OW) are the one in this situation. I've had 3 sessions w/SH and without going into my long story, SH said that the exposure to my H's family (my MIL is the only one that i know knows because i told her there was someone else but that was the extent of it) cannot come from ME. Now if anyone else exposed to his family then that was okay and could be helpful but I could not be the one who did it.

so take from that with what you will. if you are following the MB concepts then i would high recommend counseling w/them even if it's a couple of times. I know the cost is enormous (i've vented about this a few times in my post) and i'm not sure how much longer i will be able to counsel w/them but the thing is they give you immediate professional feedback specific to YOUR situation. but i'm also for getting support wherever you can. prayers to you.

RR - I would love to try the MB counseling but right now I don't think I could convince the H. He's talking about not coming to our appt. w/ our counselor next week because of this. I think he'll calm down before then and realize that he is probably just as angry at himself as he is w/ me. But does it make sense to try MB counseling alone???

I would love to try the MB counseling but right now I don't think I could convince the H.
Irrelevant.

But does it make sense to try MB counseling alone???
Absolutely!
MB counseling is not sitting around talking about your problems. You develop a plan and stick to that plan.

Steve/Jennifer will help you to understand what you need to do and then help you to start doing it.

It doesn't make sense to NOT do it, alone or together.

Thanks. I have started reading up on the info on the web site and I have ordered 2 of the books. I keep reading all these postings though and am amazed at how many WS are doing these terrible things to their families. My H is not the same man. He is pushing away EVERYONE except for the OW. She's about the only one he'll talk to. I hope she really wants him cause I'm about to tell him that I give up and am moving towards legal separation if he still continues with her.

Mom yes you can counsel with SH without your husband, from what I've heard SH and Jennifer are real good at constructing a plan for you to work on so you can put your M in recovery.

momof3girls, read my posts on my sessions w/SH (3rd session w/SH, the plan......) I think you find them very informative. i've had a total of 3 so far and they have been by myself and i find them extremely helpful. after next week I won't be able to afford another session for awhile but i'm so glad that i have done some. My H is supposed to talk to SH on monday for the first time.

i understand how you feel about all the people that are here on this site. i posted that a few times when i first came here that it was sad that this was happening in so many people's lives and every time i see that a new member has registered it makes me sad again. but i feel this is a great resource and that God led me here. Pray for us that the session on monday will help plant some seeds in my H and I and the rest of the MBrs will continue to pray for you.

also, if you wouldn't mind, change your signature line to give us who read your posts a little background info (ages, how long you've been M, kids, etc.).

<small>[ April 09, 2004, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Yes, I am strongly considering scheduling a session. In the meantime, I have updated my profile. Hope that helps.

yes, thanks gives us all a "picture." don't think about scheduling anymore, just do it and then you can always cancel, plus who knows depending on your availability when you would get an appt. they will not be able to get back to you until monday anyway (you can send an email request for an appt). believe me it will help give you a sense of control in this by talking to someone from MB. i think that's what so many of us are struggling w/is that we have finally realized we can't control our WS or anyone but ourselves for that matter and that is really hard to deal with. good luck.