Ok MBers...I'm starting a thread for killmeplease.

I found him in another thread entitled "I think I'm having an Affair"

Here's his last post to me:

Heroswife,
I think I've only actually posted on the site once, when I was at the end of my rope (the chosen name was no exaggeration, I would've paid for my own hitman if I could've found one). But upon finding this site I read the words that, (except for my dad and he'd never been in this position so how the hell would he know) NO ONE else ever told me, not friends, not internet searches. I read on this site,"affairs do not usually end marriages". Everyone I talked to, all the tv programs, all the divorcees said, get a lawyer do your homework it's OVER, and I was devestated, I couldn't bear to lose the most sacred and intimate part of my marriage with my dear wife, and everything I had worked for. I just wanted to be dead. This site had the first words of hope for me, and I made a post thanking Dr. Harley for them. Not that I haven't been down almost as low since, but I feel he did save my life at that time. And after pouring through the sections on infidelity and surviving an affair, I was able to overcome the negative offerings from everyone else. We're on the grueling road to recovery. I can tell you this. An affair hurts you as much as you love someone. The stronger your love is, the deeper and more devestating and the longer the pain of betrayal is. When I read medicwifes' post, I felt compelled to try and save this fellow in Iraq, (he's gonna need to wake up when he gets home), his wayward wife, and his kids from one of the most devestating things that will ever happen to them. And the thing is, it's a choice and it can be stopped right now ... if she'll listen. If she doesn't, I'll challenge her to post back here and tell us how she feels then.

Killme -

I hope you do not mind me starting this thread for you. I think you have such a wonderful of expressing your feelings and I found your previous posts very moving. I caught myself saying "that's exactly how I felt but I could never say it like that".

I am so sorry things have happened to you that would bring you here but I'm glad you found MB. I hope you'll share your experience with us. I believe your way with words will be very helpful to others on this board...particularly WSs.

How are you doing now? Have you ever spoken to SH? Is the site and this board helping you on your road to recovery?

My H is in the military...hence the name Heroswife. I'll try to find a link to my story so you can better understand where I'm coming from.

I hope you reply soon.

kmp-
i agree, change your name. it will prove to yourself and to us, that you have hope. you need to know you are not alone in this war. we are your fellow soldiers and we are going to help you thru this. beleive me - there are days when this site is all you have. venting helps. please forgive your wife, love the woman you fell for all those years ago, love the woman who gave you your children, and love her because she is human, we all are. i was married for 25 yrs and didnt know i my H was not meeting my EN-until someone else did. i live with that regret everyday-but i know that God has forgiven me-and that is all that matters. have you been to a DR? you could use some medication to calm you down and help you sleep, temporary. i recommend it. it works for me and my H. keep in touch. pal

KMP. Wow! What can I say about your other thread in describing the hurt that your W's A has caused. I'm quite certain that my H has experienced everyone of those feelings but could never articulate like you have done. I was a virgin when we married and that alone has got to tear my husband apart. I want you know a little about the WS's feelings too.

Imagine, you and your children have been the absolute center of her world for years. She has cherished the role as mother and wife and built her whole life around you and the kids. Someone comes along and pretends to be a friend to her and she has no reason to not trust his intentions. Before you know it, the relationship takes a turn to something a little more intimate than she ever intended. By this point, the alarms are going off and she knows better but there is a need that is being fulfilled for whatever reason, hence the EA has begun.

She is very much living a double life at this point, because when she is away from the OM, her true self is making her question her actions but by this point she is hooked. Some evil force is telling her that, "it's not going to hurt anyone" this is something that is just for you and you deserve it. There is a battle going on inside, one that can't resist the guilty pleasure and one that is ripping your soul apart to be involving yourself with something so dark and hideous. But nothing, absolutely nothing can prepare you for what is about to happen when the A is brought to light.

You may keep asking yourself, why did she do this to me and our family. Let me assure you, no one has questioned herself more than your wife has. No one can make her undestand how she would have possibly given herself to another man and that reality is pure hell!! Yes, she had a choice, but it happened. She knows that she is at fault but cannot take back what she has done to her family and just as importantly, to herself. She will never be able to look in the mirror again and have that self respect and dignity that she once had. It's gone, forever.

One reason why I think that this forum is so awesome is that we all need to understand the BS and the WS journey.

lisa, just as KMP's words reflect the feelings/thoughts of other BSs, your words really reflect mine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> There is a battle going on inside, one that can't resist the guilty pleasure and one that is ripping your soul apart to be involving yourself with something so dark and hideous. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and even once I stopped the A, the battle raged on until i confessed.