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Joined: May 2002
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by baby7482:
<strong> I am doing okay. I tried talking to my H, but he did not want to hear anything. I actually have a feeling he is gay. How would I find out? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When you tried talking to your H, how did you do that, exactly? What was the setting and what did you say?
How do you know he did not want to hear anything?
If you're leaving him, what does it matter if he's gay? Your concern is about learning communication skills and honesty so your next relationship doesn't end up where your M is right now, right?
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Originally posted by baby7482:
I am doing okay.
Good.
It's important (during times of stress) to give yourself permission to nurture yourself in loving ways ..... find ways that DON'T compromise your virtue and your core values.
I tried talking to my H, but he did not want to hear anything.
Actually, this remark shows how utterly weak you are.
You are vulnerable because you are weak.
If you have something VERY important to say .... you make sure the job gets done.
Your weakness makes you more likely to choose men who will hurt you, and to stay in situations that are harmful for you.
If you are this weak, you will attract men who "need" a weak woman. And her weakness and her inability to confront important issues creates a muck of hidden poisons in the relationship.
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!
You must confront YOUR weakness eventually, or it will be one of your defining characteristics.
I actually have a feeling he is gay. How would I find out?
Again ... this is weak ---> "How would I find out?" ...... You confront him with the facts about your affair.
You ask him point blank if her even cares about your affair.
You ask him if he has an attraction toward men.
You confront things head on (unless it is actually dangerous to do so .... like he might be violent or something).
No matter if he's gay ---> you're weak no matter what his sexuality.
Steel yourself woman. Life is very difficult, and your weakness and lack of communication skills will not get you anything but more of the same.
If you live near a community college, can you take a course in assertiveness training?
Pep
<small>[ April 13, 2004, 11:22 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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Joined: Apr 2004
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I realize I need some assertiveness training. I was actually looking into some sessions. I also realize I need to be more open and say what I have to say without any hesitations. I am working on it....
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