this is my wifes name on here ,, just so no one gets confused ,,, but i wanted to get my story out so i used her name ,, i am the WS
well i can start with my story and give you a back round of my affair it started 3 yrs ago,, started on the comp the got into phone then meeting etc,, i was in the affair about 6 months when i couldnt live with myself anymore ,, i started having anxiety ,, attacks,, the guilt was so bad i just couldnt do it so i told my w about the affair,i went to my doctor and told him about my life he put me on zoloft ,, it did help and i do have a good support group friends family etc ,, i also made sure that i told everybody ( that was a friend )that i had the affair,, and that seemed to help alot , well its been about 2 months now with no contact ,, and the withdrawls are very confusing and very difficult ,, i know from this point foward that i want nothing to do with the ow , i never want to see or speak to her again , and if i know that in my heart and head then why is it so hard ,, i mean i can understand it isnt easy just cutting off a part of your life that you have been living for 3 yrs but why is it so hard ,, i am very lucky i have a very understanding wife and she has stood by me through this entire thing , i have been able to tell her anything she wants to know at anytime and wow when i tell her somethings it makes me feel that much smaller ,, but i know in time it will get better ,, i also have alot of physical symptoms from the stress ,, has anybody had any physical symptoms from all the stress ? maybe a stupid question but i feel like i am the only one ,, i just want to close with saying i have a great wife and 2 beautiful daughters and that i am very lucky that i have a wife like mine ,,
thanks , steve

Welcome to marriagebuilders. There are lots of men in you situation here. So you will get lots of support. It is very hard at first, but it does get better. Please hang in there.

Welcome...

It would be less confusing if you got your own sign in name.

But meanwhile ...

You hurt.

You hurt lots.

Pain is a loud agressive teacher. Don't run from it. This isn't something you "get over" .... no, it's something you GET THROUGH. You work through.

The part of you that is the most hurt is your identity.

You think "Who the hell am I anyway?"

Are you a "good guy" like you want to be?

Are you a "bad guy" like you fear?

In your journey through this pain, search for your identity.

You can create a new version of yourself.

Build your character with this pain.

Journal every day. Journal your lessons learned. Journal your weaknesses discovered. Journal your blessings appreciated. Journal your strengths revealed.

Be kind to yourself.

Pep.

Steve:

Withdrawel is a nightmare. i don't kow when it will end. I had an A for an entire year. My W never found out and I do not know if and when I will tell her. I have always had weird moods where I stare into space and THINK a lot, about my business or a project I am working on, so W has never guessed yet that I am thinking about OW. It's great that you chose your W and fmaily over OW but it is perfectly normal to think about OW a lot. She was your friend. You shared a lot of special times. You also do not want to feel like your judgement was so aweful tat you were mixed up with a kook, so you will think of the GOOD times ofteb. And why not? I am am sure you think of ex-girlfriends from High School or whatever, once and awhile and you remember the good times.

I ended my A almost 6 months ago and I still think of OW. She was a compulsive liar and a complete vindictive wacko and I sometimes wish someone would throw boiling acid on her face so she can stop harassing me; but I still sometimes think about the GOOD times. I know it's crazy, but this is what I, and you and people like us have done to ourselves. We INVITED a OW into our lives (and our hearts and our minds) and memories and emotions cna't be shut off with a switch. We remember. It is normal to MISS the OW. I try not to think of OW and I cna't help it. I have even had sex with my W and closed my eyes and told myself it was the OW I was with. Sometimes OW is he first thought in my head when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep. I miss my friend; but I am also happy I have my integrity again. But I think of OW all the time. Yes, this is aweful. Yes, it is unfair to everyone. But we are human, and we are hurt, and we are filled with regrets and we just have t do the best we can to move on and try to make better judgements in the future and do what we can to make up for the pain we have caused other people.

You'll be all right.

Whiteknight, Steve I know you are guys (duh) but you are just where we've all been.

Both of you should take a look at "Letting Go of OM" and "Feels like Day 1 all over again." I think WK you have posted on there a couple of times.

There are quite a few WS's on the board - have a look at our posts - I think they'll give you a lot of insight.

By the way, Whiteknight, it makes it much harder
but much better if you confess. It's a whole new ball game but the honesty is worth it. JMHO.

Jenny

Hang in there and keep posting your feelings here. There are many who understand what you are going through. Give yourself credit for making the choice to stay with your marriage. Then believe that you will reap the benefits.

Also it might help to get into some physical activities - walking, working out, etc., to help work off the stress.

And if there are other things you enjoy, do them. Time to take care of yourself and reward yourself during this withdrawal.

yes i know i need my own name here ,, but i needed to get it out ,,, thanks for the replies and all the advice ,,, i know it will be tough and something i have to go through ,,, ill keep you updated of my progress
thanks
steve

You can do this. Have some hope. And remember your wife may be closing her eyes and thinking about the H she used to have. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I hear ya. The pain is incredible. This is a good place to talk about it. According to what SH told my wife....we need to keep the experiences of withdrawal to ourselves because it's not fair to your W. Perhaps it rubs salt in the wound. I took radical honesty to mean tell all your feelings & thoughts but SH says we are not there yet. As I understand it you can talk about how you are feeling in general terms????
It's been 2 weeks for me without contact. I'm anxious,irritable,depressed , sad and missing ow like crazy. We spent 40-50 hopurs a week together for the last 4.5 years although the A was the last year. I lost three people in one ...friend,lover& coworker. A very difficult loss. In the process & due to the affair I also lost a 16 year business partner. So yes it hurts like hell. Another thing that I am grieving and it might be true for you too is future plans with ow. We really thought we'd be together forever. You are geting some good advise from the folks on this site. Exercise, hobby, prayer have helped me. Journaling has been a big help.
Good luck!
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