Dear WH –

I am still so in love with you. You are a part of my every waking thought. The fact that you went outside of our marriage to fulfill needs that I didn’t provide interrupts my sleep every single night. I am bombarded with scenarios of could haves and should haves. However, I have accepted my role in your affair. I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I had something to do with it, but I wouldn’t be honest if I did not.

When I daydream, I get so excited when I think of the future our marriage can have. I want to take more time with you – just you and I, doing the things we’ve always talked of doing. You know, taking that extended weekend at the fancy hotel down in Ft. Lauderdale, spending awesome days and nights at Universal, or just hanging out with you on the couch watching “When Harry Met Sally” for the 68th time. I want to go on the family trips we’ve always dreamed of taking – showing our children the beautiful landscape of Virginia Tech, where their parents met and fell in love. I want them to discover the Disney World that YOU showed me, the one that holds so much joy, happiness, and beautiful memories for us. I want to give our children the ultimate gift of happily married parents.

I hope that over the past weeks and months, you’ve noted my steadfast willingness to change. I have made our relationship the number one priority in my life – something I should have done so long ago. I have re-evaluated my life, and have made significant alterations.

I would like to show you the full extent of my changes…. but I cannot. I would like to create a new and exciting life with you and our children…. but I cannot. I would like to show you what a wonderful, passion-filled marriage can be…. but again, I cannot. I cannot do any of these things until you agree to end your relationship with OW once and for all.

Until that happens, I have to avoid seeing or talking to you. You may continue to visit our kids whenever you like, but I cannot be here. Our friends have agreed to help make arrangements for your visits with the children, and your mom has also expressed interest in helping. If communication is needed regarding the kids, please do so via email.

I know that S and D are confused and scared, so I have to remain strong for them. The three of us are working through your absence together, taking it day by day. They have been my salvation, and I believe I have been theirs. I have not and will not let my emotional turmoil interfere with my ability to parent the joys of my life.

I ask that you respect my decision to separate myself from you this way. This will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It’s not something I want to do. In order to protect my love for you, however, I have to find the strength. This is not meant as punishment for you – it is simply a means of my emotional survival. I have to protect myself from the gut wrenching pain that is inflicted upon me each time you leave.

I know you didn’t break your marriage vows to hurt me – and I believe you appreciate the immeasurable amount of grief this affair has caused me. That being said, you should also understand that I simply cannot be around you knowing that you are returning to her. That pain has become too much to bear.

As soon as you are willing to permanently cut your ties with OW, I will be happy to discuss the magnificent future we could have together – first as a couple, and then as a family. I desperately want to rebuild our marriage. It can be done.

I haven’t stopped loving you since that day in my Foxridge apartment, when we first uttered the words thirteen years ago.

My love always,
- WHB

Mom? Melody? Tinman? SS?

Wanting, I think this is a good letter, but I would cut way back on the romance and emphasize that his actions are eroding your love for him very EARLY in the letter. Romantic talk is a turn off to a detached WS. While it is good to express love, it should mostly be straightforward and to the point.

What you are trying to convey with this letter is your resolve to take your life back. The train is moving out of station now and he can get on it when he drops the OW. That is the message. Sure, you need to do it with love, but he already knows you love him, he doesn't need that message driven home again.

I would sort of lead into your point in the opening paragraph so that it hints to the message in the body. As I started reading it, I was confused because of how it started out. I would start out with something like: Dear, it is with great reluctance, but great love that I write this letter.........

I would make mention that the children can't be exposed to the OW. I would also throw in any financial arrangements that need to be addressed.

I think your thoughts of the future are very well written, but I would tone it down in heat and length and limit and move it down to the next to the last paragraph, keeping it to 1-2 sentences.

<small>[ April 10, 2004, 08:43 AM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

WHB, I am no expert with the PBL, but I do agree with ML...cut out the romance part. You want to emphasize you do still love him, but you do not agree with the A and you will not enable it by seeing him anymore. I can also hear the pain in your words. I think it is a great letter, just a few changes. I've been thinking about you!

WHB I agree with what ML said, I wish you luck in your Plan B, I'll be giving my letter to my W this week when she picks up her mail. So I'm worried since I really didn't do a steller Plan A but how can I when she's living with OM and she only talks to me when she's PO'd at me oh well what can I do. I guess we'll have to start posting on the Plan B support thread. Prayers to you.

I'll agree w/the posters so far but i'm no expert. are you in counseling? if so have you reviewed the letter w/them? prayers to you.