A little background information. My wife and I have been separated for 3 weeks now. She is staying with a male friend. I found out Tuesday that she had an affair with him. I've read Love Busters and His Needs Her Needs as well as several websites and they all say that in order to start working things out that the cheating spouse must sever all communication woth the lover. Now my wife tells me that this affair happened "before" and it's not currently going on. She is not willing to leave his house because she says she needs to think about whether or not she wants to work things out. But at the same time she tells me that she does want to work things out. The more I push that she needs to get out of there before we can recover from this the more it hurts her willingness to work it out. I told her that I would quit pushing as long as she could promise me that this affair wasn't going on anymore. Am I an idiot? I feel that I'm being manipulated.

<small>[ April 09, 2004, 10:54 PM: Message edited by: K Chance ]</small>

I really do feel for you I am a BS and my husband left me on Friday. I have been through this before about 3 years ago and my H behaved exactly as your wife is doing now.

The only way that you 2 have a chance to move forward is if she leaves him and severs all contact with him. At the moment she is addicted to him and that will take quite a while for her to come to her senses. Has she told you why she has left?

She may not tell you the truth. Unfortunately the more we beg and plead with them the more they treat us with contempt. The hardest part is trying to keep cool when our world is falling apart.

At this point she will be justifying all her actions, but it doesnt sound like she is just staying with him for friendships sake.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone there are alot of people here who will help you through this on this site.