Do any of you out there know of any good books to help my wife get comfortable with her sexuality? My wife is an extremely attractive woman. For some reason she has a hard time with sex. I try to talk with her, but all she says is “I don’t know”. She was raised catholic; I really believe that has something to do with it. “Good girls don’t do that”
"Sex is dirty", all of the crap that religion taught. I was raised catholic as well, I just saw through all of the lies. I know they were lies because I’m still not blind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
In some non-threatening way I would like to give her something to read, that would help her experience all the wonderful feelings associated with sex. Most important to know sex is not dirty. We went to the bookstore and she would not even look at the titles because there were too many people around. Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Chris

Chris - I don't want to bash any religion. I was raised Catholic, and went to Catholic school. It has been the best thing in my life, and also the worst thing.

I have good morals, and I thank my upbringing in the Church for that.

However.....(you knew this was coming, right?) for a woman the Catholic religion is devastating. In parochial school, the nuns advised us that if we were going to be raped, to try to kill ourselves, and thus keep our purity.

Catholic women go from defending their honor at all costs to being married. It is a big jump. Now all of a sudden sex is okay.

I still have many hangups about things that normal women do. My WH has found an OW who does these things. So please be patient with your wife.

Believer: I am so sorry about your husband...I know the pain it causes, I did the same <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I so want to help her. She deserves to experience the full pleasures of life. There has to be help out there on this subject. Thanks for your reply Chris

Chris, I have a problem with my sexuality as well...I just ordered this book for myself...actually recommend by Dr. Harley himself...

Book

Thanks M23boys, I just ordered it. Have things been going good for you? I've been battling a few major issues, so I have not been on for a while. Chris

Hi there. I posted a thread on this over on the EN board a little while back. I'm not sure how to link though....

I posted becasue I want resources for my H who is unmotivated to learn about me. The one that I found to be most useful in that it has a lot of good health and sexuality info is actually a website... (thanks again Nelly for the rec!)

www.the-clitoris.com

It's not a "bad website" or anything. And it has good info on a lot of things. I will warn you though, it is very frank and has a pretty "open" view of sexuality. I found that if I overlooked the perspective of the website authors, that it had some really good stuff. And it's free! and avail from the comfort of your own computer!

lfc

Yes, I know...I have been thinking of you and the hard times you are going thru. Hang in there! Things are going really well for us right now. I can see H fog lifting and he is beginning to see a brighter future for us. He is almost back to his old self again. I really enjoy being around him right now. Now last weekend is another story <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> He had his car packed and ready to go again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I haven't gotten that book yet...I ordered it about a week ago. I also got a book THIS book...it basically has a lot of pictures of different positions and such. Didn't help me much. But supposedly that book above is supposed to teach a woman how to climax with her man. Hope it helps your wife. And just to let you know, she is not alone. This is a big problem for many woman. Unfortunately! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

M23B: That’s wonderful news that things are getting better, sounds like you have come a long way. Chris

<small>[ April 10, 2004, 04:38 PM: Message edited by: chris37 ]</small>

LFC: thanks for the website...I'm going through it now. Chris

LFC: what a wealth of information...

Hope it helps! It has a lot of good info on helping a woman become comfortable with herself. Now if only my H could be comfortable with me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

lfc

You need to go to the source to debunk the myths that you and your wife have bought about the Catholic Church....which is not how the Church views Gods gifts of human sexuality....

You need to find a priest that gets God's law through Catholicism through the loving meaningful thing it is meant to be...It's not a hard thing to find...they are well educated on the laws and beliefs...

sex was never dirty before marriage in my Catholic upbringing....
and I am certainly not an abnormal woman because I am Catholic....

Sex before marriage viewed through the Catholic church is not bad or dirty based on the "acts"...if someone presented it that way they are way wrong....

sex before marriage is not right because it is only part of the whole package of the gift of sexuality...that you are selling yourself and partner short of all the elements that celebrate sex,...

nurturing.
commitment
fidelity
etc...

sex before marriage leaves you a little empty each time viewed through Catholicism.......like something is missing...because truthfully something is....

I would suggest you and your wife find a priest in the church and address these issues with....and get the real answers...
you can also search really good Catholic Apologetics site that address these issues as well...

You should also be active in your church to know what is being talked about...the Church is you not "them"...and if you have concerns or complaints or see things that need changed you should be part of the solution...

ark

<small>[ April 11, 2004, 12:09 PM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]</small>

Chris..I wasn't raised Catholic but I too had a horrible time with expressing my sexuality. Unfortunately, I came out of my shell with OM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I really despise myself for that now. I experienced much more on a phsycial level than I ever have with H. Let's just say that it was "adventurous" something that H and I have never really worked at. Up to the point of A my libido was non-existent. Perhaps your W needs to check on any hormonal imbalances that she may have. If the desire if fully there then maybe she would be more willing to venture out some <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hello!
Often we look at our upbringings, religious and other to understand the reasons for which we may be blocked as poeple to certain aspects of ourselves... A few years ago when I was doing my undergratuate studies, my supervisor for my stage gav me this wonderful book by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D., called The Dance of Intimacy, A woman's guide to courageous acts of change in key relationships. WOW!!! is all I have to say about this book! Read it slowly, breath every word in!

Enjoy the book... let me know what you think of it when you are done.

Odyssey

Ark. Sorry, did not mean to offend you. Religion is one of those things I do not debate. I am glad you have had a positive experience with Catholicism. Catholicism did more harm to me then good and unfortunately I am not alone. Chris

odyssey: Thanks for the info: I will let you know what we think. Chris

Chris I see you're back on. First let me tell you that I couldn't stop laughing when I read your "swear like a sailor" remark. Then I couldn't tell H I was smirking because I had been swearing on the internet and the guy I was talking to made me laugh. THAT would have all gone down well.

I've been thinking about your situation. My H always made me feel very safe to experiment with anything sexual. I think it was a combination of closeness and the fact he found me totally desirable, always told me that, and was always very gentle about trying anything new.

I admit I do love sex very much but when the children were small there were times when it became "just another chore." Now the children are grown up (although 26 year old son lives at home - we've figured if he wants to live here he just has to put up with his parent's going to bed early etc.)

Hope it helps.

Jenny

I also want to add that I realise you would be gentle with your wife. I probably didn't word that properly.


Jenny

<small>[ April 12, 2004, 03:47 AM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>

"the act of marriage" by tim lahaye is excellent, a quick and good read and wish i had read it so long ago. prayers to you.