ISG

I had a false recovery just like you did. Didn't that make you even more nervous? I think that is why I am so unsure even if he does come knocking, which he hasn't yet. I mean he was here for 6 weeks and I thought we were on the road to recovery. I looked him right in the eye and said I forgive you and I love you. Still he continued to see her behind my back every single night at work. It just makes me really nervous because of the false recovery. I can't do it again, I just can't. If it isn't for real then I don't want him here, you know what I mean?

Your recovery is very new, how is it going? Is it hard to post about it? I wonder if I will be able to come back and post if I ever get in recovery?

Thanks,

HUGS to you also.

HINY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HopefulinNY:
<strong>I had a false recovery just like you did. Didn't that make you even more nervous? I mean he was here for 6 weeks and I thought we were on the road to recovery. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I am still nervous. But my H seems different this time, more committed, stronger. A false recovery is very difficult. Even more painful, I think, to be thrown back into it after you thought it was behind you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HopefulinNY:
<strong>Your recovery is very new, how is it going? Is it hard to post about it? I wonder if I will be able to come back and post if I ever get in recovery?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We are getting comfortable with each other again, a very important first step. After all, we have not lived in the same house for the better part of a year, so it is bound to be awkward.

Re: posting. I consider it a very private thing, at this point. I remain - and I think my H remains - committed to helping others, but that does not mean we will share the ups and downs of our recovery. Now, at some time in the future, if we both agree to it, we may make reference to what we went through in the past, just as we now do to what we experienced in Plan B.

But for now, what we go through on a day-by-day basis will remain within the walls of our home.

ISG

Thanks for your support here. I am glad I am not the only one nervous after a false recovery, not because I want anyone to be in pain but because it helps me understand what a real recovery might seem like if it ever happens.

I think the false recovery was worse than Dday myself. It was like living hell all over again. I couldn't do it again. I would kill him or her for sure. I just can't imagine the pain again. I don't think you have anything to worry about from what LB posts, but I did notice in your sig line that you had a false recovery also as we did.

I don't blame you about keeping the recovery to yourself. I think it is great that the two of you try to help others out as you progress. I know recovery is hard because I was in recovery even though he wasn't. I can just imagine how much easier it would be if the other half actually participated this time instead of pretending to participate. I wish the two of you the best of luck. I think you are doing a world of good helping others on the board. Some day when you are through this and you look back it probably won't seem as bad as it did. That is what I am hoping for anyway. Just keep working on it, and you can have the best life you could imagine. I wish you luck, and prayers and lots of love in recovery. Just think about how much fun making up can be. I can only dream about it right now.

HINY

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HopefulinNY:
<strong>I think the false recovery was worse than Dday myself. It was like living hell all over again. I couldn't do it again. I would kill him or her for sure. I just can't imagine the pain again.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I understand totally and completely. In fact, after the false recovery, I said to many I could not do it again. They convinced me I could. I hope and pray - and I BELIEVE - they were right. Going back to PB was a terrible experience when I thought for a while that things were going well. But it was a good thing for me. It gave me incredible strength. It gave me a vision for my future - with or without my husband. It reminded me of who I was - an individual...ME. And that was incredibly important. It gave me the strength, the motivation and the tools I needed to know that - if I needed to - I could form a life without my husband. Not, mind you, that it was my goal to do that, but I knew I could.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HopefulinNY:
<strong>I don't blame you about keeping the recovery to yourself. I think it is great that the two of you try to help others out as you progress.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We both believe that - not only does it help those we are posting to - but that it is good for us, individually and collectively as well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HopefulinNY:
<strong>I know recovery is hard because I was in recovery even though he wasn't.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then, truthfully, it wasn't recovery, was it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HopefulinNY:
<strong>I wish the two of you the best of luck.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I wish the same to all the zillions of folks here trying desperately to save their marriages.

<small>[ April 19, 2004, 06:03 AM: Message edited by: ISGirl ]</small>

Well it's been a couple of days since I posted here and have just caught up with all your thoughts.

Well I completely lost it with Plan B . Ended up speaking to H after I sent my letter. His car had blown up and he needed his drivers licence which was at home so that he could hire a car.We ended up talking and I went across to see him. Not wise as you know how it goes we start polite and it ends up cornering H because he has not got the answers I want to hear.

In fact Lost Bird he is behaving exactly as you described yourself. Mybe that's why I was in false recovery the first time, trying to force something to happen before H get's their head around it.

The good news is there is now OW on the scene. All the mail comes here I I opened his mobile phone bill and the phonebill for the house no strange numbers I rang up a couple I did'nt recognize just in case but all kosher. But don't you hate yourself for being sneaky like this.

He asked me to stay over yesterday and drive back home in the morning but I said no it would'nt be wise. I did feel less angst then a couple of days ago.

So for my own protection in Plan B I am going to imagine that he has only gone for a while to have a normal break to get over his dad and his business. That way it will give him some space he says that's what he needs becauses he knows he's got to work himself out before he can deal with anything else. The reality is that I don't want what I had before if it's not sincere it's too great a cost on my own emotions.

I'm having a good day today a busy week, one little tip I have learned from my Raj Yoga class is just to sit quietly and focus on your inner self and say out loud "I am a peaceful soul" several times, strangely enough it does quieten the spirit.

Well lets see how we do this week.

Forever optimistic and hoping for a positive outcome.

oops. Posted instead of editing.

<small>[ April 19, 2004, 06:01 AM: Message edited by: ISGirl ]</small>

chestnut

Just jump right back into Plan B. That is the way to do it. I meditate myself. I always thought it sounded stupid until I tried it. I can really help myself greatly with this technique. I also lost 50 lbs using my mind. I mean in a sense anyway. I would be really hungry at night in bed and I would say to myself your not hungry, your not hungry and then the hunger pains would go away. I would fall asleep and wake up and have breakfast. I shrunk my stomach from a basketball to a tennis ball, so now I eat less. The mind is a wonderful tool if you learn how to use it.

HINY

Hi Everyone.

LB has not fallen off the edge of the earth.

He is merely on a biz trip and has very limited access to email (and...to me! yeech!)

I know he wants to keep your hopes alive and respond to your questions.

Keep posting if you have anything you want him to see; he'll get back sometime this week.