There is an old saying:

If you love something, let it go.
If it comes back, it's yours.
If it doesn't come back, it never was yours.

I know first hand. After being jacked around by my first wife for 19 years, (to include raising her love child as my own), she asked for a divorce. I divorced her. Four years later, when I found someone new, she wanted to return. In my case, I turned her down and was never sorry.

For those of you who are so torn, let them go. You will be surprised, they do return. Then you can decide what you want out of life and from each other.

In the mean time, you can get yourself together and be ready to carry on with or without him/her.

May the hope of Passover and Easter keep you in God's love.

RAG,

I believe you are correct but it takes a while for most of us to get to that point to be able to handle that option. When the mind and heart are not in sync, it is difficult to make that 'logical' type of decision.

However, reading your words will help those ready to listen. This place is filled with persons in various stages of recovery and some that think recovery isn't even possible.

Please be patient with those of us who are not as advanced in our thinking process yet. Don't give up, I know some of us are hearing ya. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

How are you doing?

Thanks,
L.

R
I can see your point but the old saying says "something" not "someone". That "someone" has a mind and a heart. The best place for a WS is with their BS especially if that BS doen't want them to leave. That WS had the opportunity to "find themselves" before they got married. Now they are married they have an obligation to thir S and the marriage to stay home. If the couple divorces the BS has no choice but to let the WS go.
H

I agree, about being ready to reach that point. It took me over six months. When first wife first left, I was devastated. During that time, someone told me that whan she returns, I could make up my mind to keep her or not. I couldn't believe that would ever happen. Much to my surprise, it did!

It is best for spouses to be together; however, it takes two people to make a marriage. If one doesn't want it to work, the other party is just spinning their wheels.

In my case, I was trying for many years while she didn't care. It wasn't until I found another that she became interested in me again.

Thay say that living well is the best revenge. First wife left the children and me in 1980. Since then, she has been through three of four marriages, countless affairs, and is living alone. I have been happily married to a wonderful woman since 1985 and each day gets a little better.