I didn't know my husband too long before we got married (2 months). We both said it was love at first site. We still love each other 8 years later.<P>But, I didn't know him too well. I let my emotions get the best of me. Also, my mother (who was my best friend) was dying of cancer when we met. I think I married him because I was losing my mother and wanted someone to cling too. We married 9 days before she died.<P>Our marriage is not a normal marriage. We do spend time with each other, but there are a lot of secrets and lies on both parts. He has two different lives. Me and his friends and never shall the two meet. My life consists of him, work and my daughter.<P>Maybe I need something else.<P><BR>

I just had to reply to your post......<P>We could be twins except my history goes a little further back....<P>My H and I married almost 19 years ago, after "knowing" each other only three months, 2 days after my 17th birthday. Yes, It was love at first sight, but isn't all "love" at 16 love at first sight???<P>Anyway almost 19 years later, with two kids, we too live two separate lifes...he and his friends (I'm only introduced to the married ones) and me with the kids, the job and him...I devoted myself to him, cut myself off from my friends, and now as a result am lonely.<P>Do we know each other? No! There has been lies on both sides. Omissions......<P>And now, post discovery of his affair, I look back over the years and question other times, when I think he has had affairs.....and I wonder what keeps us together....<P>I question why I stay with him, and all I can come up with, is I DO LOVE HIM. It has to be love, because for no other reason would a reasonable sane individual continue in this relationship......BUT WHY DOES HE STAY WITH ME????? Can he really love me and cheat (throughout our marriage as I now believe?). I think he does LOVE me, but not the way two people comitted to a life time together should....more perhaps like a sister? I mean we did grow up together over the last 19 years. And a sister kind of love isn't a bad thing.....it's just not what I NEED from him.<P>Our choices are limited though, when faced with this.....leave him, the man I LOVE WITH ALL MY HEART, or stay and settle for the love he does have for me. Both choices have risks......LEAVING and buring my love for him? STAYING and knowing (thinking) he cannot love me the same way...........<P>How I yearn for another option....