12+ weeks into this CR*P!

about two weeks ago i posted the question instincts or anxiety - just having a gut feeling about him recontacting her.

YUP, I was right.

Saturday he is all anxious to get our son to a park to play ball. what is wrong with the front yard I ask - oh no he tells me, a real ball field. OK....

So as he is getting ready to leave I walk over to the car to tell him something and he jumps all nervous and shoves his cell phone between his legs. Guess who is on the phone?

He has been in touch again. Now the rational side of me says I guess it is a good thing because they had a 2 yr A and it was bound to happen so lets get it over with, but the rest of me is CRAZED!

2 weeks ago I had asked him directly in MC if he was being honest with me and he got all insulted and insisted he was.

Now he is telling me he was wrong and he knows it, and she (the psyco b*tch) is telling him to do what ever he thinks is best (She is being so uspportive he tells me!)and he wants to try at this marriage.

I feel worse than I have since Dday 1.

Last night I had such an anxiety attack I thought I was having a seziure. I couldn't stop shaking and could not catch my breath. He was kind thru it, but I am angry I lost control around him to that degree.

He has said (in the first dday) that going to MC 1x a week and his IC 1x a week was enough. I had asked him for more of a MB committment to working on our marriage. I don't want to LB this situation but I need more that he has been doing to work on this.

He almost died once a few years ago and the depth of pain and anxiety I am experiencing is not unlike what I felt that day. BUT it keeps coming day after day, that time I knew he was OK in a few hours.

I do not want to LB but I need to make him "GET IT" and get thru the fog and get on with the work of our marriage and family. Any tips on helping me make this his decison his idea?