Hello,

I am new to this website so please forgive me if I post something that is redundant, or doesn't make since. So here goes.

My wife and I have been married for 14 years, and we have two daughters. We married very young, and my wife was 3 months pregnant when we got married. We really only knew each other for a short time before we married, and really no one gave us much of a chance, but we have made it so far. I love my daughters with all my heart, and I am very active in their lives. I love spending time everyday with them. Here is the problem I have. I have been unfaithful to my wife throughout our 14 years, with several "one night stands", and most recently, I have fallen in love with another woman. The love that I have for this other person is unlike anything I have ever felt. I have a connection with this person unlike anything I have ever had with anyone, including my wife. Now, here is my delimma. I decided to confess all to my wife, all the affairs, my relationship with my current lover, everything. My wife and I have seperated, and now I am torn as to what to do. My wife says she loves me and will forgive me, and wants us to be together forever. The problem I have is that I am not sure that my wife and I ever had, or if we can have a love like I have experienced with my lover. My wife says she is in love with me, and wants to be with me forever, and I want to be with her, if we can be "in love" with each other. I am so confused about how to get to the point where I want to be at, as well as where my wife wants to be at. My wife and I have just read his needs her needs, and now I really do understand where my wife and I went wrong with our marriage, but how do I restore my love for her, maybe not restore, but have a love for her that I desire. I want to love and feel for her the way I do my lover. She is the mother to my daughters, and the woman I chose to marry, albeit not under the greatest circumstances, but I did choose to marry. I am very confused, but I do know one thing for certain, I do love my daughters, and miss them daily, hourly, I want to be with them. I know they need me, and I need them. Can I have this kind of love for my wife? Can my wife and I get past this?? I am desperate, I do not want to lose my family, but is there really hope for a future with my wife? I am not sure. Any suggestions or comments is appreciated.

Can you, and are you willing to give up this woderful new woman in your life? If you are there is hope for your Marriage.
I have a friend that has been married 7 times. One time I asked him why he kept getting married and I will always remember what he said "I'm in love with being in love". There is a newness in the early stages of a relationship that make it special, it is part lust, part not knowing, and heck part I think magic. All things that if given proper effort can be regained to one extent or another no matter how long you've been married. Also keep in mind that one day your relationship with the new woman will no longer be new either. If that is the path you choose.

Hi SSR,

Welcome to MB.

Mr E has touched on the area I wanted to and that was your serial cheating.Just how many times were you unfaithful to your W? Do you think that the newness of these "relationships" and that feeling of infatuation has you addicted?

I don't know if you can have the kind of love with your W that you THINK you want only because at this point exactly what it really is you want with her is in question.I wonder if you have been able to develop a real long lasting love with your W with these repeated affairs.It's more than difficult to sustain any love like that when you are in other relationships,emotionally or otherwise,every couple years or whatever your routine has been.

The fact that you came looking here and posted says that you could have a chance.Just taking that step is what a lot of us BS's would like to have from our WS's.

Are you in counseling yet? How old are you and your wife? How old are your kids? You may want to get a profile here too.Start reading the MB concepts and I would suggest the usual books that we recommend here: 'Surviving an Affair' and I'm glad to hear you have the HNHN already.Also,consider if you can,getting into counseling with him by phone.It's one thing to have one affair but several indicate something more serious within YOU IMO.Also let your W know about us here so we could help her too.This is a great resource of info and support regarding Infidelity.Keep posting here as well.

Lastly, to again agree with Mr.E.These feelings that you have with this OW will fade over time.I think I have read that within 2-3 years the chemical reactions in the brain dwindle and you will find yourself in the same situation only with a different person.You will have to look deep within yourself for some answers here.Feelings can reoccur with your W but only if you are both attentive to each others needs and put the time and effort into each other instead of other people who are helping to destroy your marriage and your family.

If you really want a chance for your marriage and your family then the OW has to be GONE and I mean completely.NO CONTACT is necessary if you are to have that chance.Read up on this too.

O

Thank you MR. E and Octobergirl for responding to my situation and questions. To be honest with you, my wife and I have alot of things in common, and we really do enjoy each other's company. I really want our marriage to work, but not the way it has been for the past 14 years. I want something more, I want an intiment relationship with her. I want to know here inside and out, and I want her to know me inside and out. I can't believe I really opened up to my lover the way I did, I mean I told her about things in my life that I have never shared with anyone. I really felt comfortable with her, and I felt like I could share anything with her. I feel like she has become a part of me, and that scares me. I want that feeling with my wife, not my lover. How do I get that type of relationship with my wife? Can I have it? I truly want it, but I have my doubts. When someone has an affair like I had, can you get past it? The affair lasted for Eight months. I am not exactly sure what happened to me during that time to make me open up like I did, and connect with this person in this way. If anyone has any insight to this, please let me know. My wife and I are now in counseling, I hope this works. I do have a love for my wife, just not the kind of love that I want. I really want this to work, and I really am sorry for hurting my wife the way I have, I can't believe I followed through with the affair. Anyone have any insight?

SSR,
What kind of love do you want?I realize you love her etc- everyday people go through the normal things, family, job, financial etc- there are times when a person can make you crazy- but wise people acknowledge their problems and remember their commitments- problems are temporary- a commitment is supposed to be for life- love and lust are 2 diffrent things- that newness wears off-you need to reconnect- take some time for the 2 of you alone- it would be a grave mistake to throw away what you have...

SSR,

Don't forget to get a profile and answer those other pesky little questions I asked ok(i.e. how many A's/ONS's)?

O