I am not trying to justify my actions or seem to appear to accept their sleazy affair but the children were suffering.

I stated my feelings about OW seeing the children and I said OW could not be around when the visited their home (OW and WH live together) I also made my WH come to the family home to sleep when looking after the children, whilst I was working nights. It started off okay then WH said it was causing him problems at home (what a shame) and then it got to the fact that he had to choose between OW and seeing his children. He did not see the children for nearly four weeks no phone calls, nothing and the children then started to get very upset over this and I started to feel bad. So what do I do? Should I just say to WH I can't handle OW being in the picture and demand that things go back to how they were? What do I tell the children if this is the case?

feelingit, if your H would REFUSE to see his own children unless they consort with the OW, then this is even more serious that I initially thought.

He never had to make a choice between them, he did it because it was more convenient for he and the OW. Personally, if it were me, I wouldn't accommodate their convenience at the expense of my children. He is the one who CHOSE to leave, make him pay the price. To enable him here only protects him from the consequences of his actions and helps normalize his affair.

<small>[ April 12, 2004, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

I don't know. My kids were raised without their father, and I think they lost out on a lot because of it.

He was an alcoholic and we had a 2 year custody battle. On visitation days (which the court forced), he would get drunk and drive them back to my house.

Finally I called the police and they caught him, and that was the end of his visitation. He did not contact them for over 10 years.

So from my point of view, your kids need dad in the picture, unless something dangerous to them is going on.

beleiver, I absolutely agree they need their father. I don't agree they need to be exposed his affair, though. And they don't. Arrangements are easily made that can exclude the OP. There is simply no good reason for them to be exposed to this affair.

Thanks to both of you. I have made my mind up to talk to WH and tell him how upset I am with this arrangement and that I want to go back to how thing were. It is not good for the children to see me upset and as they with me for most of time surely i should call the shots. If WH and OW do stay together then I shall have to rethink in the future but now is not the time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by feelingit:
<strong> Thanks to both of you. I have made my mind up to talk to WH and tell him how upset I am with this arrangement and that I want to go back to how thing were. It is not good for the children to see me upset and as they with me for most of time surely i should call the shots. If WH and OW do stay together then I shall have to rethink in the future but now is not the time. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree 100%, feelingit, and I think you are making the right decision. You are calling the shots. If you don't protect them, then no one will. You can't count on your WS to protect right now. We have had other WS's who tried to do the same thing your WS did, but when the BS held her ground, the WS came around.

Keep your chin up and let us help you through this.