Hi everyone-
Does anybody out there feel like it will not end- the pain, frustration, the stomach knots-etc- this whole thing sucks!!!!!!! I have so many emotions- I don't know if I am coming or going- I imagine things- analyze so much that I scare myself- How do you make it stop?????????????//

Josie,

I don't know your whole story but it doesn't end nearly fast enough.It's like being in a neverending nightmare from which you cannot wake.

What did help during this time was Plan B.And some time.I got my sanity back and my heart felt a little relieved because the source of my pain,WH,was not here hurting me.I would love to be back in that plan,maybe soon.

O

Hey O,
I just hurt so bad all of the time- it feels like shock some days and others numbness- read my story in Am I Crazy- in the general questions, I always think the worst- it is hard not to- I am wondering so many different things- it scares me- I just feel overwhelmed and lost and I wish I could wake up and it all be over- I miss him- he is away visiting my mil- i know she was going to try to talk to him- she feels bad- it is hard for her to see us like this- I sometimes am afraid to tell him how I feel without sounding redundant- why does it have to be like this? I cannot understand and the answers are not readily available...

I can only offer and say a couple of things. You need counseling, doesn't matter if your H does it w/you or not. well idealy it's best if he does it with you but the situation is not idea. Do it w/SH if at all possible or any other MB counselor. We are in a race and it's not a sprint, we are in this to finish so it will take time and will be excruiciatingly slow but you have to finish. prayers to you.

Josie, I just read some of your posts from the "Am I crazy" thread. I think part of the reason you may be feeling crazy is because your H isn't telling you the truth. It took my H about a month, starting from 1/8/04 to reveal the A. First he told me he had feelings for his office manager but hadn't revealed them, to it was an EA, to it was also a PA that between the EA/PA had been gpoing on for 10 months. Then it took until about a month ago, after I snooped and found letters, to find out the full truth about the PA. And of course we're not talking about the many times I asked him flat out since last summer, "Are you having an A?", and him lying right to my face.

Our MC told my H about a month ago that the cruelest thing he did to me was allowing me to feel like i was crazy. My H, who never lied before, told me that the A is so based on lies and deception it became natural for him to lie.

As far as feeing better, you will. The truth does set you free. Every bit of truth has been painful, but much better for me. I hope you can get to the truth. The awful pain does decrease. This site saved me in many ways. We are here for you. Also, I really believe in people's right to privacy, so I am not a good snooper. However, the few times I snooped and found info it was the best thing. My H, partly out of shame could not tell me the truth. He actually felt better after the truth was out.

Try to stay strong. It's tough, especially where you're at now! CV

Hey CV,
Let me tell you- it is an EA- I know that from what he has told me- sometimes I wish it was a 1 night stand- because that would have been easier to deal with- but the intimacy betrayal hurts- there is no doubt- my husband is well aware- that he will lose me and there will be nothing he could do- he has told me it scares him- he has a ton of unresolved issues, childhood, etc- which are really starting to come out- do I think we will make it- I hope- and I have faith and I allow myself the emotions to cry- scream whatever- if that's what it takes- then I do it- I keep my eyes and ears open and am aware of things more- Say a prayer for me- this is the hardest thing I have ever done- but I love him and believe that our life together is worth it- no 21 yo can compete w/ what we have....

Josie - I thought the hurt would never go away, but it does. My WH has been with OW since July, and still continues to lie.

Stick with us and do lots of posting here. Somehow it really helps to be with those who are going through the same thing you are.

Josie, it will end. Be more aware of H actions but don't dwell on them it will eat you up. I know it's easy to say and hard to do but I was just consumed with it and read something into every little action, inaction, or reaction my W had and when she didn't pass my little test, that she didn't know she was taking, all the demons would come and I would make us both miserable. My W also had and EA or at least that is what she has admitted to and I made the same statement you did, that I could deal with a one night stand better then that but I think that's like saying I'd rather be run over by a bus then a train. Either one hurts.
As far as how you feel physically as hard as it is you must take care of yourself. I went through a period where I slept 4 hours total in three nights. My gut is so messed up I'd like to look into a stomach transplant and I think about half of my hair has fallen out but things are getting better. Day by day. It's not easy. If you don't believe me read my new post in just found out about the day I had on Tuesday.
Hang in there, keep posing it does help and always remember IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!

Mr. E,
Boy did i have a rough morning- I woke up pissed off that he is down Florida visiting his mom- and thinking or whatever and i am here still trying to maintain, life, job, daughter and house stuff- it is almost exhausting- I think he is selfish. Doesn't he realize that this is all because of him???? I beat myself up alot and it really does me no good- I wake up anxiety ridden and my mind is 100 paces ahead- it sucks! I did hear from him this am- he text me and told me he was ok- etc- well nice for him! I wonder where the hell the guy I met and fell in love with is- I know he is in there somewhere- but I am so worn out! I needed the vacation- believe me. But like a responsible person- I snapped out of it and realized that I am the only one who can get myself through this- rational thought is needed- I keep reminding myself of that! Anyway- just neededto vent- he should be home by Friday- see my therapist tonight- her head will spin after talking to me! Thanks for the support!

Cheer up and have a great day. I know what you mean about them being selfish and you having to carry the load. It does wear you out. I'd take a vacation but I can't afford it since my wife drained $14,000 from my bank account before she left. And yes I've taken her back and we are doing pretty well actually.

Mr. E,
I am hoping that will happen for me- it just irks me that I am the one who always takes care of everything- responsibility is a natural for me-who takes care of me? do I have to fall apart or just lose it? Who knows- I just gotta get out of this slump-it is just hard! Sometimes you get so frustrated that you often wonder why you even try-but like i said- sanity creeps in... slowly-maybe he will come home and want to go to counseling- I would probably faint! But I think he needs to help himself first, before we can work on anything- just pray for me to be strong- I am scared, especially since 12 yrs of my life have been w/ this man! Take care and thanks for letting me bend your ear- your wife is lucky- if she only knew.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> they are the ones who don't usually know how good they have it!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the thanks and I will pray for you. I hope I can be of some help to someone on this site it sure been good for me.
My W and I have 12 years as well, 11 married so I can relate. I've been left to take care of everything for about seven months now and that includes myself, kids 3,4, and 11, the house, the bills and just about everything else. I told her about a month ago that I was tired of carrying the whole family on my shoulders and that I just couldn't do it anymore... but I did...and I am... and things are getting better and they can for you too.

E,
I hope so- going now to talk to the therapist- just going makes me feel better- she opens my eyes to things I normally don't always see- I just hope my husband comes to and realizes that we have a life- I need to know he loves me- I want to feel "normal" again- whatever that is- I can't remember...I just miss him- for all the reasons why couples get together- we had such a good thing- he even told my therapist a month ago- that we were good together- I hope he still feels that way- I can only hope! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />