Does trusting in your gut instincts always help??? I have made decisions before when trusting my gut instinct- that were wrong and were not good for me, could it be that you want it to be the way you want so bad you attribute your decisions to that feeling? It is so hard to decipher between fact and fiction- What do you think?????????????/

josie, I will just tell you that I am an extremely RATIONAL [to a fault] person who always believed that instincts were on par with SUPERSTITIONS.

Until I ignored them to my own peril. I have learned the hard way, and so have many here, to trust my instincts. They have never led me wrong and every time I ignored them, I did so with terrrible consequences.

This is why I am so concerned about your situation. Your instincts were RIGHT in your previous marriage, when you learned that your H was having an affair. Now you are having similar instincts in this marriage, AFTER you find out your H is carrying on with a 21 year old.

You will hear from people on this forum an almost UNANIMOUS allegiance to gut instincts, not because we have watching too many chick flicks on A&E but from long, hard experience. I have learned the HARD way to never ever ignore my instincts.

P.S. I don't use my instincts to make decisions. I use logic and reason, based on facts and evidence, to make decisions. I use my instincts as a guide.

For example, if I had an instinct that my H was lying to me, I would investigate to find out if it were true or false. I would not make an accusation or a decision based on my instincts. It is only a guide.

<small>[ April 12, 2004, 07:26 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

hey Mel,
My voice of reason- why is it so hard for him to tell me the truth- let me deal with it etc- I told him he could tell me -let me have time to process it and go from there-but he remains adamant that he will never admit to something he did not do- if it is just an EA-will people go to these extremes?

Yep,I agree.

Throughout this whole sordid affair business,my instincts have been right on the ENTIRE time,from the beginning and I trusted that more than anything else,even when my WH was lying right to my face and even when my counselor and family thought otherwise too.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by josie426:
<strong> hey Mel,
My voice of reason- why is it so hard for him to tell me the truth- let me deal with it etc- I told him he could tell me -let me have time to process it and go from there-but he remains adamant that he will never admit to something he did not do- if it is just an EA-will people go to these extremes? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh yes, they more often do than they don't. They are scared of your reaction and rationalize it by saying it is for your "own good." As if they are in a position to determine what is good for you! How patronizing!!

Josie, these WS's come here every week and tell us how they are "protecting" their spouse by not telling them the truth. And oh boy, are they ever ADAMANT about it! It often takes ALOT for us to convince them the right thing to do is tell the BS the truth.

<small>[ April 12, 2004, 07:48 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

I'm also going to have to agree with ML and Octobergirl on this one, I had that there's something wrong feeling in December and tried to get my W to talk to me. She said she just wasn't feeling good. Now my W is living with the OM as of February as you can see in my signature. I think the main problem is that we don't want to believe the person we fell in love with could have an A. In fact when I did find out I still wanted to reationalize that my W wasn't having an A, I was in total denial. Sucks but sometimes we have to face the facts, and like ML said the only reason I found out was through some private investigating on my own.

I also have learned to trust my gut. When my wife's affair 'started' I knew it so deep that I started having major anxiety. I was told repeatedly that I was 'over-reacting' and listened (to a certain extent) but started keeping a journal.

After the separation, I went back and started to re-read my writings. I was bang-on accurate about everything. Everything.

Since then, I've trusted my gut and it has repeatedly proven me right. Even the point where I'd given up and (mistakenly) tried to move on coincides with a heavy period of intimacy between my wife and the OP. (I'm not sure about exact timing, but without asking too many lovebusting questions, it looks pretty eerie.)

On the other hand, my faith in my instinct is tempered by a habit of NOT running off and making accusations based on my suspicions.

dewt

Melody is right on this one. If your gut instinct is telling you something's not right, there is probably a reason. It may not be the reason you expect, but there is a reason that your internal red flags are going up. Listen to your gut, but use your other senses to determine facts.

Hey betrayed-
The problem is I jump to so many conclusions- I am driving myself nuts- I think the worst and find out I am wrong- it is unbeleivable some times- it has happened several times- it only pisses off my h and then I think no wonder he feels the way he does sometimes- no matter what he says to me, the answer would not be acceptable- he is probably right- my therapist agrees- she said he has been making subtle steps- I am too busy thinking the worst sometimes to notice-that is the scary part... I just goota hang in- time is what I need to see where this is going- and maybe wake up and see the changes... Thanks for the support. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Gut instincts are right on. My hubby had a feeling something was up with our marriage a month or two ago - I was having an EA. Personally I am glad it's out. Trust your instincts, your body knows what's going on before you are really aware of it.