When my WH moved out in January, he specified that he would give us one of his draw checks and his 'big' check (he works on commission, and gets two 'draw' checks - basically a salary - and one big commission check). We also agreed that anything over a certain amount, we would split 50/50. At first, that's how it was. The last 3 checks, however, have been checks from his personal checking account (separate from mine).

When I questioned him about it tonight, he asked me how much I needed. I told him that what he was giving was enough, but that I was curious why he wasn't showing me his checks anymore. He kind of laughed and said, "When we get D'd, it'll be a certain amount anyway." I said, "When??" He nodded yes.

So then he was complaining about the $1000 that was put on his credit card for counseling. I told him that that wouldn't have happened if.... I told him that I was only trying to salvage our marriage. He said, "how is this discussion trying to salvage our marriage?". I said, "I don't know. I guess it's just a matter of trust." He asked me if he had provided what he said he would provide and more when he said he would. And I said yes. He said, "well, then, I guess that's something you can trust me on."

What am I to think about the D comment??? I HATE hearing that from him. He is SOOOOOO not the kind of guy to be THIS lost in the fog - he is usually so practical and realistic.

I know I need to quit having these discussions with him - plan B is on the way after D's birthday - but I did it anyway....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Please help!!!!!!!

Hang in there WHB it's fog speak you know and I know it, my W did the same thing at the very begining, I haven't seen any D papers yet but I am thankful when another day goes by and I don't get served. I often wonder if it's a mix of both things when a person is involved in a A. I think my W feels guilty about what she's done and feels that maybe I don't deserve her. I'm not ruling out that she thinks she's found he soulmate but it could be both. I know we all hate this place in life we've been put, but we have to hang on and hang in there. I think from now on when my W says something hateful I will just remember for now it's my love for her that matters now. I don't know how well this is going to work for me because I'm calling my W to pick up her mail tomorrow and putting Plan B in action. I feel for you WHB hang in there we need to stick together, it's a good thing we can vent here. Hugs to you WHB.

Wanting,

Even those we would least expect to get fog-bound can be so deep in the mist they are totally alien to us. Yes, it is out of character. Why? Because they are out of character. They are out of their skins.

When is your D's birthday? Sounds to me like you need to protect yourself as soon as you can to avoid hearing hurtful things from your WH.

Please remember, his moving in with the OW is so new. It doesn't feel like it to you, I know, but it is. Give it time to work its "magic" (heh!) and for the A to start burning out. Best way to do this is for you to get yourself totally out of the picture (Plan B) ASAP and let the two of them try to meet each other's needs.

Hugs to you! Be strong!

Thanks, Tinman and ISGirl.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm calling my W to pick up her mail tomorrow and putting Plan B in action. I feel for you WHB hang in there we need to stick together, it's a good thing we can vent here. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tinman - best of luck to you. It appears as though you're ready emotionally for Plan B, and I applaud you for that. Way to go. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I wish I could say the same. I know I've been in Plan A for a while, but you know, it's my personality. I'm a pleaser. Plan B is really out of my realm. But I'll give it a go in order to save my marriage.

ISGirl - My D's b-day party is next Sunday, so not that far off. WH will be by again on Wednesday, then not again until Sunday - so I should be okay.

Also, WH told me on Easter that he is apartment hunting this week. He will be looking for a place that is either close to his work (75 minutes away) or around here (close to us, but close to OW, too). I told him that I wondered if my opinion mattered (about where to look), but that I wasn't sure I had an opinion. Then, jokingly said, "I'd actually prefer option C, coming home". He laughed and said, "Well, she'd prefer option D - staying with her".

So at least I know she's angry that he's moving out. (BTW, he told me in previous conversations that he'd be moving out because OW's D would be getting finalized, and she'd have her kids 3 or 4 nights a week) I'm glad that he's got the brains enough to see that exposing those kids to their affair is NOT a good idea, but maybe if he was around them, the A would die a quicker death...

...and he's got a gleam to his eye like he KNOWS he is the cat's meow right now. I want to SMACK HIM SILLY!!!

I know that gleam. My WH has that look in his eye a lot of the time...that arrogant little smirk...and it takes everything in my power not to just smack the **** out of him.

And you wonder about Plan B. He is SUCH A CAKE EATER. He was sitting there telling you, I am giving you money, so Donnnnnn worryabout it. Never mind that terms you set in the first place.

Would it make you mad that he is not disclosing his income to you because he is giving $ to soon to be divorced and on her own, OW?

Look, I am not one to condone anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness, but if it takes you getting a little mad before you realize that your WH is totally using you, to meet whatever needs you are currently meeting for him, or easing his guilt or stroking his ego, or allowing him to be a part time dad, or whatever, then GET MAD. Imagine you Plan B being just the smack in the face that knocks that arrogant little look off his face...because he will have to live with the realization that he might lose you.

And the truth is, if he stays on this path, he just might.

And don't worry about the D talk...he probably has to start to try and convince himself that he would take that path, because he is stringing OW along convincing her he will take that path...but the truth is, if he was going to do that, why wait. Money is obviously not the issue....so then, what???????

Hang in there.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Would it make you mad that he is not disclosing his income to you because he is giving $ to soon to be divorced and on her own, OW? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think he's giving $$ to OW because she has her own job. According to him, she does 'just fine' on her own - she's a legal sect'y. I believe he is using his $$ to pay for their many evenings out (so he doesn't look like a chump by letting her pay all the time) and to save up for his apt. Oh!! And lest we forget the upcoming cruise in May. Where IS that barf graemlin?????

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Imagine you Plan B being just the smack in the face that knocks that arrogant little look off his face...because he will have to live with the realization that he might lose you.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that I should feel confident in the love this man has shown me over the years, but the truth is, I don't. He seems so cold and un-emotional when talking with me, I just don't know WHO he is. Who's to say that the fog enters into EVERY A? What if he is the exception? That is my worst fear.

The past 13 years have told a different story, but my self esteem (or lack thereof) believes his lies. This same man told me when I could have died a few years ago, "Don't you EVER think about leaving me". Who used to say to me on a regular basis, "You are the center of my universe".

THESE ARE THE MEMORIES I MUST HOLD ONTO. HOLD DEAR.

It IS all fogtalk, right???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

bump for morning crowd...