Well she's coming to pick up her mail tonight, I called her this morning to tell her she had mail. She said she was coming over to pick it up anyway. So I'm wondering if I should leave the letter in her mail or hand it to her after I see if she has anything to say? I'm not going to LB if we do talk, I'm not sure what I'm going to say to her if anything at all. I don't know how to talk to her at all, I get all twisted up inside and do LB and DJ's so I might be better off not saying anything or I could just say I don't want to talk about our M or our R tonight. I just have the thought in my head that this could be the last thing I ever give my W and the last time I see her ever. She still has things in the house but I have made arrangements with my friend to come to my house if she needs to pick stuff up so I can leave. So after tonight I will offically be in Plan B, nothing else has worked and the situation does feel hopeless. I will probobly call Jennifer in a couple of weeks to let her know how things are going. I hope my Plan B letter will be the wake up call my W needs. I might need this worse then she does right now due to the fact that she needs to figure things out for herself. I will give her the space she needs and I also need to work on myself. web page here is my plan B letter just incase anyone missed it. So wish me luck tonight.

Hi Tinamn,

Instead of luck,I will wish for you peace and strength.The first part of being in Plan B may be very hard for you,essentially you'll be in your own withdrawal for a while but then things will beging to stabilize and you'll start feeling stronger.All you have to do is take care of yourself and wait it out.Don't press for any answers during this time or try to make any decisions,just let some time pass.

I would give your WW the letter and give her a brief synopsis of what it contains.Don't go into great detail.Be loving/caring and look great, wear some cologne(don't over do it!) and give her a good image to take away with her.I highly doubt this will be the last time you ever see or hear from her again.Hang in there.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks Octobergirl for the support, since I didn't do a steller Plan A and I really didn't have a chance I've been in a modified Plan B except there was no letter given. She'd only call when she was mad at me and needed a reason to rationalize her A saying that I'm a bad person due to the fact her family knows and I talked to OM XW. Anyways I'll get through this for now, I know I can. I've had most of my withdraws but I know I will have new ones tonight when I see her.

good luck tinman, my prayers are with you.

i also think you should hand her the letter personally not just have her find it in the stack later.

Thanks FL I'm going to hand it to her it's more personal that way. Thank you for the prayers also.

i was wondering where you were as far as the forums and w/the PBL. I'm praying extra for you and my heart hurts for you. i would give it to her because she might just take the mail and not go through it for days. i wouldn't say a whole lot other than it would mean a lot to you if she read the letter and that you love her no matter what, then i would leave the room. good idea about looking great (not that you don't already) but i think you're being realistic about not seeing or talking to her again and at the very least it won't be for a while. you want to leave a good picture, a lasting picture of you in her mind. I wish you peace as well and hope you will continue to come here and let us know how you're doing and what your dealing with (feelings, WW, etc.) because we can all learn from each other. later tinman and prayers to you.

almost forgot to say that i think given the situation 1 or 2 cigarettes would be okay but not around her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ April 13, 2004, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Thanks RR I've had a few this morning but I won't have one this afternoon not until I give her the letter and after she is gone and since I don't have to deal with the stress of talking to my W this would be a good time to start quitting again. It's hard for me to look good due to the fact that we get off work at the same time and I don't have time to take a shower and put on someting decent. Maybe I'll just change my shirt I already have some Cool Water on which is one of her favorites. Maybe I should look like I'm getting ready to go out. I'm not hard to look at that's for sure but I have to look better since I only weigh 187 now. The A diet in full effect. I'll just hang in there.

good man charlie brown, did she think or do you think she thought you needed to lose weight? 187 doesn't sound a lot for a guy to me but i guess that depends on how tall you are. unless you were able to get your W to talk to SH (miracle mind you) and then he shares that w/you, you don't really know how what you're doing is affecting her. SH made this pretty clear to me this morning that my changes are having an impact just how much only time will tell. also remember that if this is (the PBL) the one thing that you can do that will help you preserve your love, wake your W up, and get your M onto recovery, then it's worth it right?

it's terribly easy for me to say that right now i'm sorry because i'm not at that PBL point yet but i'm not unrealistic to think it won't get to that and i hope that i will be able to show the strength and resolve you are showing as well as all the other plan B'ers. as far as fixing yourself up, just do the best you can right? maybe you could do most of it at work then you would be ready when you get home? anyway, as of today i've lost 33lbs since the beginning of feb and 29 of that has been since i confronted my H. he couldn't help but notice that when i saw him a few weeks ago. again prayers to you.

Best of luck, Tinman.

Your resolve is admirable. I cannot do it.

I will be thinking of you.

- WHB

RR I'm about 6' at 187 I did top out at 224 and this was an issue with my W. I should have had a clue that it was when she told me I was getting a double chin. Now I barely have a butt. The funny thing though is the OM is bigger then I was lol makes sense. I'm going to leave her with the best impression of me. I'm going to do like you suggested the "it would mean a lot to me if you would read this and that I love her no matter what." Then do the turn around and walk away.