Tinman,

It is easy to break plan B, so easy. I am glad that you are back in plan B again though. I am with you there after tomorrow, I am giving him the letter once again. I just can't stand the pain anymore. I was so much better off before, not knowing and not caring and living my life. It seems as though all of a sudden it is all about how he feels again and not about how I am feeling or how I see things. I now realize that he really wasn't ready to work on things in our M even though he said he was, he won't do the no contact, says he can't. Back to square one, except now we are in the risk of losing our home and I will have to move my children from the only home they have ever known. I hope you feel better no matter what you decide. You are a great man with many feelings and you deserve to be happy.

NO,

I have read before where D are stopped at the last minute because the WS wants something different. Just hang in there, and remember you are strong and you are a person too something I think we forget along the way always thinking of our WS's.


HINY

HINY thanks for the word's of encouragement, but as for now after last night's conversation I don't care one way or the other. I hate to use a corney line from the Saprano's but my W is dead to me, at least the old one I used to love. I don't know who this other person is but it's not the one I want to be with, so no more talking no nothing. By the time she come's to the conclusion that she has severe problem's with herself I know it will be too late. So I'm not having anything to do with the person she is now because I don't like that person at all. So now I'm going totally dark telling her to get her stuff out of the house. If she want's to make a mistake in her life let her, sometime's that's the only way you learn from hard lessons in life. I'm going to go have fun and not worry about it anymore.

I know what you are saying Tinman exactly. Sometimes you just have to let go. That is what I am doing also. Really letting go this time. I left a message on his cell and said if he really wanted to work it out he would be here this morning to talk and go to counseling. When I got the message this morning saying I am not going to be there this morning as you probably already know, I knew it was over. There isn't anything in this world that can take back everything and all the pain he has caused me and my two great kids. I was the most faithful person on earth. I would never ever have cheated on him. You couldn't pay me enough money to have broke my vows, but yet here I sit, married and alone with two kids and a great big house in a wonderful country setting, with wonderful people all around me. It just makes you wonder what people are thinking. You are a good man and you will do fine no matter which way you go, just as I know I will be fine on my own as long as I have my kids and my pride.

HINY

okay tinman, sending you a big plutonic hug your way for support {{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}} Do you think that you will continue to come here?

so w/this new revelation what are your plans for the weekend? hope you don't mind if i still pray for you and your wife.

Hi Folks,

Looks like we are all tanking in the Plan B these days. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> Well,we are trying which is way more than could be said for our WS's right? The few,the proud,the MB's!

I think I have become different though,I do want to get a dissolution of marriage(I hate that word D).My WH is due home tonight for the weekend and I asked him to bring the paperwork so I can fill it out,seeing as he just hasn't had the time and I don't think he is stalling,just blatantly busy to do anything I need.Plan B isn't really working for me anymore as I mentoned to hopeful.I feel sick right down to my soul.

I feel like I am at the end of my rope and what's feeding this sickness I think is not so much that WH will not come home to save our marriage and family but that I let this go on and on when I have the CHOICE to stop the pain.My WH has absolutely NO idea how much he has hurt me and never will unless the homewrecker cheats on him too(we can only hope) and he refuses to stop the pain so I have to.

So,I will check in next week.Hope everyone stays the course,be strong.Do not pick up the phone! Put the answering machines on.Take care of yourselves.

O

RR yes I will still post here due to the fact that I have good friends here. I'm not giving up on my M I'm just giving up on the person my W has turned into, I'm just not dealing with that person anymore. In fact I'm on the phone with her right now told her to come get the stuff she want's I don't care. I might be there I might not like I said I don't care anymore. If she want's a DV she can file I won't. So that's the Tinman Plan B. I've been pushed too far and like I said done is done.

(((((((Tinman)))))) so sorry to hear of your situation..yep we wonder why we sit here trying to love someone who blocks you out of there lives...I have found out once there has one A there very likely has been others...WS denied in coucelling that there were previous A's but I did some digging and found out there have been multiple A's..just about killed me..I watched Oprah today and the pain and tears on the adult sons faces were too hard to watch...that father did not get it that he was hurting his son's while he was cheating on their mother...I think it boils down to what kind of WS you are dealing with.. I think mine is the toughest nut to crack and am really sceptical as to whether he will ever get to the point where he sees his mistakes and deals with them...mayvbe he thinks leading a double life is normal...somehow I hope not...I just have to let him deal with his shi$..this is killing all of us BS's and I think we have remember the main objective here in Plan B is to look after ourselves and go forward...I know at times that is so difficult because of the contact and pain we receive from our WS's ..we just want things to be back to normal and when they treat us like we are non existant it hurts and hurts so bad...it is hard to wait things out and be patient...I have had a rough two days but am going out with some girlfriends tonight...hope everyone takes time for themselves this weekend... try to go out and have some fun...that is what I am going to do...

Thanks for the hug NO I'm in Plan ME now, I'm in this for me now, since the converstation last night with my W I know there is nothing I can say or do that is going to change her mind, might have planted a few more seed's but it's her choice if she want's to water those seeds. Don't get me wrong I'm not giving up on our M I'm giving up on talking to my W. Last time I went through this with my W she came back on her own before we were M, and I just let her do her own thing after I was needy so I stopped and I need to stop now. I called my friend tonight to see what he's doing we're going to try and go to a fishfry tonight. As for the rest of the weekend that's up in the air. I'll be on periodically this weekend to let all know how I'm doing especially after my W come's to pick up things from the house.

I need some advice here, you are all my beloved friends.

I am being played big time like a giant fool and I feel dumb and abused.

WH came couple of weeks ago said something about thinking about working it out. I listened suggested he blow her off first with NC. He came we had SF, he blew her off. He left on vacation, came home said he didn't see it working out for us, stayed the night at her house. Next day came here crying bla bla bla, same crap different day. He feels like two people in one body doesn't know where he belongs.

I am soooooo soooooo close to calling OW and telling her that he is sooooo screwed up and telling her everything that he has told me, that he doesn't like her kid, and she isn't all he thought she was, and about our SF, everything. I know it would put my marriage to a total end, but I feel so played by all of this. Like a total fool, like an idiot. I have been played three times now by this man, I stand to lose my house, my kids father, everything I know in my life all because of this stupid A that will mean nothing in a few months. Would anyone else call? I know she knows nothing of these things, I know she doesn't know he wants to come home, I know she doesn't know how he feels like two people.......what to do?????? Just go dark and let it be and lose everything???? Or open my mouth and risk it all???? Any advice for HINY because I sure am feeling like a big one these days.

HINY

{{{{{{{{HINY}}}}}}}}

I feel so sorry that you have to go through all these. I don't know what to say. I am not a big Plan B fan. Hang in there, wait for experts to reply.

Originally posted by HopefulinNY:

I am being played big time like a giant fool and I feel dumb and abused.

Feelings like this is why the BS must go to Plan B... to protect herself.

You feel crappy because he's continuing to make choices that tug at you and hurt you.

WH came couple of weeks ago said something about thinking about working it out. I listened suggested he blow her off first with NC. He came we had SF, he blew her off. He left on vacation, came home said he didn't see it working out for us, stayed the night at her house. Next day came here crying bla bla bla, same crap different day. He feels like two people in one body doesn't know where he belongs.

If you're in plan B you don't allow the" SOS different day" conversations to screw with your head and heart.

I am soooooo soooooo close to calling OW and telling her that he is sooooo screwed up and telling her everything that he has told me, that he doesn't like her kid, and she isn't all he thought she was, and about our SF, everything.

That (calling OW) is breaking Plan B too ...

because you get involved
in
their
drama

I know it would put my marriage to a total end, but I feel so played by all of this.

It would NOT end your M.

A letter to OW is dumb for other reasons..

more drama.

YOU need to divorce yourself from THEIR drama.

Like a total fool, like an idiot. I have been played three times now by this man, I stand to lose my house, my kids father, everything I know in my life all because of this stupid A that will mean nothing in a few months.

That is so true... theirs is a stupid relationship and has a snowball's chance in hades.


Would anyone else call?

And enter their drama again...?

I know she knows nothing of these things, I know she doesn't know he wants to come home, I know she doesn't know how he feels like two people.......what to do??????

Stay out of the drama... it's killing you piece by piece.

Just go dark and let it be and lose everything????

Go dark and gain your sanity ...

cuz you're about to go nutz here.

Or open my mouth and risk it all????

Step one... become whole and sane.

I try never to make major decisions when I am an emotional basketcase..

and neither should you.

No drama invited into your life.
Don't borrow any of their crappy relationship to increase your drama.
Focus on where you can maintain your locus of control, the self.
Don't speak to H until he returns wholely to the marriage ready to commit.

If you aren't sure if your Bull [censored] detector is working ... ask us.

You are about to spin yourself out of control...

NO DRAMA

YES go dark and stay dark...

Pep

<small>[ May 14, 2004, 06:05 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

PEP

Thanks. I am trying to be sane again. I am giving him the PBL again tomorrow and then leaving. NO talking NO questions, nothing. I am out of here and we won't be speaking again. I was doing so good before, finding me, changing and loving life. I really screwed up letting him in again. Thanks for the reality check, I can always count on you to bring me back to the real world. It does get nutz and sometimes I lose myself in it.

I don't want to be part of their drama, and it is their problem. I am going to let it work itself out. I am going to give it to god and be the best mom I can for now. Thanks.

HINY

Hopeful i agree with pep.

I also have this crazy thoughts of confronting OW AGAIN. I was thinking of doing it next monday when he is outstation doing business work that way OW cannot go crying to WH coz he will be away for three days.

Then other questions pop up...what good will it do? I have confronted OW before and she does not care what is happening because she is deep in the fog as WH. Confronting OW will give her MORE stories to tell WH about his crazy wife. Confronting will not stop WH from going out with OW...he will chase OW and convince her otherwise and both of them will go back to doing whatever it is in first place. Where will that put us BS then? Back to dissappointment alley.

Do not break Plan B. Keep dark. Stay away from them. Just leave them alone. You will only get disappointment if you try to break them apart. Be patience. Think about doing something for yourself instead of for THEM.

I think i am handling plan B a little bit better nowdays...

Perhaps breaking plan B along the way is another process for all of us. We need a lot of slap on the face before we realise that we cannot help our WH. WH needs to end the A themselves and there is nothing much we can do to help them except be the lighthouse and wait.

I broke plan B because i have these thoughts and excuses that if i do this or that it might end the affair fasters. These are the reasons i have acted on to break my plan B and meet WH

Tell WH about MB site
Get WH to meet church counselor
GOD is asking me to break my plan B to help WH to see the light(could be the devil putting the thoughts)
Tell WH that i might be going to see the lawyer SOON(hoping he will be threatened)
Child needs her father(when it was NOT that bad)
OW ended the A(OW pulling her tricks)
To show off to WH that i have moved on by parading my beautiful self to him hoping he will get interested(he did notice but not enough to end A)
Talk about legal separation...financially etc etc

All the above i have done and failed to bring my WH around and each ONE i get so disappointed and i go through the feelings of disappointment, anger, hurt and then get the following thoughts...

going to divorce WS tomorrow.
don't want to have WS back ever
crying all over again.
How can WS do this to me again?
How can WS not feel anything?
How can he disrespect me by talking on the phone with OW in front of me
How can he accept her gift?
What does WH see in OP?
How can he choose OW over his family.
and rollercoaster ride continues...

Many people say DO NOT BREAK PLAN B...yet we still break it...why is that? I think we need to realise that breaking plan B when WH is not ready to do NC, will only HURT us. Everytime we do something to help them, we put a little hope in that plan and when that plan failed, we get hurt.

It is time to think about me, me and me.

I am going shopping tomorow
I am going jogging today
I am going to cook my favourite food for lunch
I am going to out tonight and party with my friends
I am going to eat chocolates all day long
I am going out again and make new friends
I am going to be happy and living life again
I am not going to cry again (trying)
I am not going to think about WH or OW anymore(this one is harder)

I am determine to make this round a very very strict plan B...contact is very very minimum...if he comes home...good but if he doesnt then i am moving on.

Tinman, just wanted to tell you that I love your new PLAN ME. Do you think I can switch from Plan A to Plan Me. I really want to.

I've asked H about 3 times what Harleys he's interested in. The only thing I can remember is a soft-tail something. Maybe next time I post I'll remember.

Oh, I just love the place that you are at. Pure indifference to whether the WS goes or stays. I wish I was back to the indifference stage. Have fun this weekend while your W continues to screw up her life. CV

Tinman

It was great chatting with you tonight. I am in Plan Me now also. Thanks for the support and insite. Let's take care of us the heck with them. CV you are strong, got to love ya!

HINY

HINY, I have no idea why people here say I'm strong. I am not feeling it tonight. But thanks for saying it just the same. I really do love the Plan Me. Do you think Steve Harley will go for it? CV

CV thanks for the support, it's too bad it took me this long to realize that it just does no good to try to reason, communicate, or talk to the WS so why waste the freakin effort. I can save that air for better things then talking to my W which is stupid on my part. Oh yeah I'm in deep Plan Me.

My WH asked for a travelling bag from home coz he is going outstation on monday. I wanted to be b*tchy and not him have it but finally i gave it to him anyway. I am wondering about this part where a lot of his stuff is still at home. Quite a bit of his shirts and most of the important documents are still with me here at home. Do you think i should just leave it be or insist that WH take them all away? I thought of leaving things as is until the day i decide to divorce him. It should be like that right?

I want complete darkness but with most of his things still at home like the bag for example, he still needs to contact me for that.

He also picks up daughter from school everyday so we still have contact on days when he could not make it and ask me to do the pick up. This week he has been busy and has asked me to pick DD up 3 days. I am tired of the contact. I want total darkness. Beside that, because he sents her home, WH also has the opportunity to stroll around the house and get his fix of home.

I could get a school bus to send DD home but i also want DD to have as much time with her dad. DD really adores WH. I dont want to deny DD that. She is already seeing him less and it is clear that she misses him very much as she asked me often when WH will come home.

What do you think?

What is going on with all you plan Bers today? Nothing good here. WH came this morning and put in the air conditioning in DS room, then took off. He was the same old depressed person as always. He coming to mow the lawn tomorrow so I am going to make myself scarce for the day. I wish the lawn would quit growing so I could just live here and do a great plan B without having to leave my home all the time for him. I guess there will come a time when I do own my house and he won't be coming.

I went to the mall today and became a real rebel........ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I got my ears pierced for a second time. I think I am going to get a tatoo next, hey you only live once right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> .

HINY