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Joined: Feb 2004
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Morning everyone in Plan B..Hope you had a great July 4th..decided to post some thoughts on yesterday being one year since DD...this time last year I was literally on the floor most days, crying, felt life was over for me...I personally have come a long way since then...am getting out more... almost back to my old self..one who loves life and enjoys a good laugh...spent the weekend with great friends and shared many laughs together..reflecting back on a year I never dreamed I could get back on my feet and get through this trama in my life but I guess I am proof that it can be done...


Yesterday was one year anniversary of DD..I thought I would have a hard time getting through it but amazingly I did ok...we found out on my son's Anniversary of the A...son called yesterday to ask me to babysit my granddaughters while he and his wife went to brunch to celebrate their anniversary...I suspect this was also to help me take my mind off the day...when they returned from brunch son spent time with me while the girls were having fun in the pool.. although we kept conversation light I felt he too was recalling the day in his mind...he had a very active role that day one year ago...anger on discovering his father was not the man he admired and respected during his lifetime...he and his father were so close... anger that his father had so callously let us all down...I still see the pain in his eyes...my son is a wonderful father and son...he just can't understand why his father continues to live the way he does...I have told him his dad is in the throes of a mid life crisis and as much as we would like to shake some sense into WS that this mid life journey is one his dad has to take alone...

yesterday decided to go for a walk with a few friends after son left...I decide to stop at a store first...after I park I see the car I used to drive BMW convertible parked in the lot...I suspect WS is in grocery store so to avoid him I decide to head into a used clothing thrift store..the car I once kept immaculate is filthy and looking abused...I start to walk into the shop where much to my amazement WS is in there...I am so shocked...here is a man who had everything in life..one who would not darken the door of such an establishment...and to be quite frank could buy whatever his heart desired previous to this...I of course when I saw him just turned around and walked out the door...when he saw me he looked haunted and very sad...I have been told by close friends that he is very unhappy.. I thought how ironic that here is a man driving a vehicle that once showed his status in life now resorting to spending his afternoon browsing in a thrift shop with OW..the day was very hot but yet he keeps the top up in the car so as to keep OW hidden from view..I wonder to myself how he feels about his pathetic life now and was it all worth it...after picking up my friend we discuss the irony of it all..I state I suspect I am having more fun than he is..I can walk anywhere with my head held high while he had to spend a beautiful afternooon with OW in a thrift shop..then he returns to his cave...a one room makeshift office room he has converted to his living quarters...he spends 90% of his time hiding out there...so sad to see what his life has become...my sig line says it all about the life WS is leading now...I do hope someday he does wake up from his MLC and realize how lost he truly is before he loses everything he once loved in life...

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Ruff...where in www.??? RM20??? My brother bought that book for RM52.24 from Kinokuniya. He said it was not easy to find them. Even Surviving the Affair was sent over from my other brother in australia.

NO..Good for you!! That is super control you have on your emotions. I am also at that stage now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I came home this evening and found a bill of $36 not picked up by WS. That made me furious. I wonder again if he decides not to pay the bills because of being broke excuse. Got my maid to call and ask WS about the bill. It seemed WS forgot to pick up that particular bill. Isnt it amazing that the other two bills was pick up but this one was not?

Then later WS called. When the phone rang instinct told me it was WS so i told my maid to pickup the call. It was WS wanting to speak to me so i told her to tell WS that i was taking my bath. WS left a message saying he wanted me to call back.

No i am not going to call him. I am keeping to my plan B.

A coleague of mine saw WS last night eating alone. He said WS lost a lot weight. Poooor thing.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I finally solve babysitting problem by getting my mom to do it. My mom does not agree with plan B so i have to convince her this is the right way to do it. I relay the message to WS through my intermediary the maid. WS ask maid why and she answered that i was going out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I think he must be wondering why and using someone as intermdiary is also irking him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

i feel so good knowing i have so much more control.

Plan B is definately a lifesaver for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Joined: Mar 2004
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www.paylessbooks.com.my, there's an email addy on the site you can write to. They'll do a check on whether the book you want is available. All the three books I got were less than RM20 each. They were used books, but in very good condition.

www.gladsounds.com or email gladsounds@po.jaring.my-- new books only, around the RM30-40 region, still less than Kinokuniya.

Glad you're doing well again, zizzy... I'm very inspired by your Plan B! Seems to be giving you a lot of strength... as long as you don't cave in eh? I remember you got so upset when you guys SFd and he left.

Your H's lost weight? I hope it's over with OW. If he got his precious family back, do you think he'd A again?

Sometimes I wonder if I should give my H a go at Plan B. More like a Dobson-kick-in-the-@$$ Plan B, as he isn't having an A right now... but not wanting to come back either. H's words and actions are so contradictory! He wants to come back, but he doesn't, you know what I mean? I get so angry at his feebleness. Maybe I should just stop all contact till he make his mind up.

Y'all in Plan B, what do you think?

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For books try www.half.com also. I bought my books there. They are used but I couldn't even tell they were used and they were cheap to boot.

Hope you are all doing better than me.

HINY

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Hi HINY, I just saw you on the other thread. Are you considering Plan B again?

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hope you are all doing better than me.

HINY
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Gawd HINY..just read your thread...don't know how you do it...I am much happier that I don't have to put up with withdrawls and to make matters worse withdrawls from an OW who would not be worthy to lick your toe...Tinny just returned from a long scoot on the HD..felt sooooo good...I think I will go out again this afternoon..I have gotton so much confidence back after seeing WS and OW that I now realize I have a much beeter life than those two...I love it...HINY hang in there girl...we are all pulling for ya Hon...

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Ruffled...why are you separated anyway if there is no OW? If there is no OW then i would not do a plan B. Maybe you should pretend not to want him and implement tough love instead of plan B.

HINY i have read your recent event. Very sorry to hear that. I have told myself that if OW broke off with WH...i am going to maintain my plan B. I dont think i could tolerate one more moment with WH pining after OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

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So here I sit in my own self made limbo, I have the DV paperwork at home not signed or filed yet. I haven't heard a word from my W at all. I thought I was ready to let go and then I don't know. I don't know if it is my need to protect her from making a big mistake or if I still love her. So I'm in limbo, I'm waiting for her to contact me and ask if I've received the papers yet. I'm going to ask her if she is sure this is what she wants. I try to delve into the how she is thinking right now, she tells me she's coming to pick up her stuff and never shows up. Is she doing this because she's not sure what she wants or is it to hurt me more? I try to go out and ride my Harley (Therapy) to think and get my head together I'm not sure if it's helping or not. Why do I feel this way after all the hurt I've been through? Am I just a glutton for punishment? Why do I hold on? I know these are questions I have to deal with myself. At times I wish I could hate her but I don't if I could find a little spark of hate in me this would be over so quick, but what gives me the right to hate God is forgiving so I'm no better then God so I must be able to forgive and not have hate in my heart. Maybe I hate myself for not being where I thought I was in this process, thinking I was ready for DV and putting a timeline on this crap. I wish this healing process was easy but it's not, nothing is life is easy. I was thinking the other day that I thought school was hard but now school is like kindergarten (sp) to this real life stuff, I think it's nap time. I guess I'll just chalk this part of the A as another learning/growing experience. Thank you anyone who reads my rant.

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what can i say? we are all human and we just have to do what we can, when we can, for as long as we can. we are all still here to support and encourage you, no matter what happens...trust HIM, prayers to you, RR

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Thanks RR for the encouragement and the prayers.

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Zizzy,

FWH left when I found out about the As. The As happened between 1999-2002. It was H's choice to separate. He said he needed time to 'think over' the marriage. He wasn't sure if he wanted to remain married.. think he was a little confused at that time, but he also admitted to being cowardly after As been found out.

I feel H is happy with the separation. He has a lot of 'space' and 'freedom' now. He says he wants to return to the M, but his actions are otherwise. I don't know where he lives, in fact, he is in the Phillipines this week and didn't even tell me name of hotel or gave me a phone number to call for emergencies.

Anyway, I am also physically and mentally tired from my new job. The further he is away the better, at least I don't feel obligated to see him and can be at home and rest and do my house chores and other errands. I didn't tell H I am at a new job.

My deacon at church also told me to do tough love. Things are a little overwhelming for me right now. I can only leave it to God. Need to take care of myself first.

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Ruffled...u do the tough love kay. You deserve better treatment than what you are getting now. New job is usually like that but i am sure you will do fine. I am thinking about moving to KL. KK is too small. Just the other day while i was driving, i saw WS driving in two different location!!! The second time there was a woman at the passenger side. It wasnt OW but still...it kind of hit a nerve.

There are just too many memories where ever i go and some places gives me triggers.

Tinman...hugs to you...i am also in the same boat now that my deadline is coming up faster than i expected. I am planning to see a lawyer on the 2nd week of August. I will be giving WS a "the end" letter end of this month.

My girlfriend told me to speak to WS about my intention again and to warn WS that this time it is for real. I am way over that. In our last meeting he has agreed about doing a divorce. WS even told me to see the lawyer and do the whole works. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> At that time i told him i wont do it but now i am going to. I found a little peace in Matthew chapter 19 verse 9.

I think that is perhaps the reason for those two calls he made this week asking to speak to me. I think WS wanted to ask if i have already seen the lawyer or not. But at the same time perhaps WS does not really want it coz he did not try hard enough to reach me. I do not think those calls is about ending the affair because the day before my mom saw WS driving OW car.

I feel a little low today. Its the weekend thingy. Even with things to do i always feel like this during the weekends. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

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