3

Yes I did write a PBL and he read it in front of me, looked at me like I was a mad cow and got in his truck and drove away. When I think back at the time it is kind of funny.

I found out from MIL that WH went to Indiana for the weekend to visit a USMC buddy. He did not take OW. He went alone. I think he is doing himself a favor by going away for a little while. He really needs time away from OW as well as me and DS to think. It is a 12 hour drive so he has lots of time to think. I will keep you posted. I know this is not going to be easy. I know I can't do the oh your home routine thing either. I am going to follow SAA to the T. I am still in Plan B. I did not even know he was out of town until today. So here we are sitting in the dark.

HINY

^^bump^^

Hopeful,
I think that he is talking to his mom is a good thing sounds like you think so too. IC is an excellent idea but it may take a long time to weed through all the BS. Good that you have insisted or will be insisting that he come home only if he agrees to your terms. I think that he needs someone, who is very strong, to point him in the right direction. He spoke to his mom because he needs help in making decisions. He is paralyzed and cannot move forward because of his depression. The only person that he thinks he can find refuge in is the OW. If she would not allow him back that would be great because he will then focus on you and the children.
H

Hiker,

Thanks. I am in Plan B again. I feel so much better here. It works so well for me that when I am in Plan B I almost dont want him back. It is just as if he has died and the feelings are fading. I know that sounds terrible, but that is how I look at it. Just a memory I guess.

yes I see good things happening, problem is I get scared and wonder if that is what I want sometimes. It is easier to think about getting out than fixing it. Does that make sense? Recovery sounds scary. I don't know if I am that strong yet. I probably am and just don't know it, after all I am still here right?

HINY

Hope

I think that recovery is much harder than splitting up. I have stayed with my W because that is what I wanted but in doing so I had to find out the "whys" of the A; my W neeeds to know the "whys" of the A. Had I "moved on" I wouldn't have needed to figure "it" out. It is taking a lot of work to understand me. Having the kind of relationship that we want takes dilegence and hard work.
It sounds as though plan B is the place you need to be right now. Perhaps if you wrote about those memories and put into your writing as many sensory details about your M you would find that the feelings are still there. You might even post it. Then it would be like looking through a photo album remembering those touching moments. Plan on future memories and make them better than those in the past. We must focus on today and make it the memory of our future.
H

Hiker,

You are probably right, in fact I know you are. We have a history and we have memories. I just said to him the other day when we had that chat I can't believe that you are the same man that held my hand while I gave birth to our son and then went out in the waiting room and cried with your mother because it was a boy. How he wanted a boy! He kept saying with my luck it will be a girl, we already have one and we love her to death. Every man wants a boy deep down. We do have memories, so many that it is hard for me to imagine that he did this.

I also have anger inside that I can't seem to get rid of for so many reasons. I have had two back surgeries and he knows that some things are just really hard for me to do in everyday life. I never complained or asked too much of him because I knew eventually it would wear on him. I also had so much pain on days and never said anything to him because I didn't want him to get sick of hearing it. I get angry because he left me with so much work to do by myself and he doesn't even seem to care. I have to burn all the trash, and carry the trash down our very long driveway, vacuum and clean the tub, give the boy a bath. These are all things that I did when he was here anyway, but on weekends he would give the boy a bath and give my back a break. Also just the outside work, I had to plow this winter on the 4 wheeler by myself with two kids. Now I will probably have to mow 3 acres as well.

It is his total lack of consideration for me and my body and my feelings through this whole thing that has me just horrified. I mean he stood right here the other night and I said do you still love me and he said yeah, and I said how much? And he said a little I guess. I just can't understand how you could look at someone that gave life to your child and held your hand for the last 10 years and say a little I guess. I do have anger and it doesn't matter how hard I try to get rid of it, counseling and all it just is still there. He bailed on his 3 YO son. He only sees him twice a week for just mear hours. He bailed on his family for a no good trashy whore who lives in a dinky apt on main st with a 4 YO son from someone else. We had it all, a nice house, two dogs, a cat, two good kids, a garage, bluebirds, hummingbirds. I mean I have it all now, but I just don't understand any of it. And I don't know if I ever will. I am glad you and your wife are trying to figure out the whys of the A, it is important I can tell you that. I appreciate your posting me back it means the world to me to hear from you and your opinions on stuff.

HINY

NY, just check on you. You are so strong. you are doing fine. It seems that yours may turn around. Prayer for you and the kids.