Spoke to SH for about 2 minutes before he asked to speak with W. I hung up and waited for about 50 minutes before it became my time. I want him to spend the time with her right now. He got back on and told me he turned the heat up and told her she is going to have to get on board now. She has been hoping this simply goes away. She hasn't done any of the assigments etc. But SH gave her the 2 x 4. He told her how bad she hurt me and gave her some analogies of how unbelievably hard it would be for ME to be in the OM's company. I will surmise that he told her that she would ultimately need to end contact but I don't know for sure if he brought that up yet. I am determined not to participate in this fantasy anymore but SH has asked me just keep doing all the right things and don't tell her about my intentions yet. As events come up he told me I should simply say I'd rather not go this time etc. One or two of those and she'll quickly get the idea that I'm done. I really don't notice anything significant but SH said I was doing a very good job so that made me happy.
He also added that W is saying to him, "where has all this concern been over the years". He interpreted that as her slowing coming out of it. The anger, resistence, skepticism etc.

At the very beginning of the call with both me and W on the phone I prefaced it by saying that there is no hidden agenda, no deadline, just a sincere effort to improve our M. At the end of the call I asked SH if she complained about that, if it was interpreted as manipulative. But he said no she didn't have a problem. So I guess all and all a very good report card. And if I gain an inch I am further resolved to stay the course. Patience doesn't seem to be my shortcoming.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
He also added that W is saying to him, "where has all this concern been over the years". He interpreted that as her slowing coming out of it. The anger, resistence, skepticism etc.
If they are not coming out of it (or decide it's really over) then they usually just don't ask, "where has all this concern been over the years"?
They just say, "he hasn't been concerned all these years and I'm NOT going to try any longer."

He doesn't need to do a whole bunch of work with you because you already know the score and that it can be fixed (if everyone does the work). He needs to get her off the fence and on the side of your marriage

<small>[ April 14, 2004, 11:12 AM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

kudos WOE for all you have done and are prepared to do. prayers to you.

Chris, thanks for your advice and in particular directing me to SH. It does feel a lot better to have a plan in place. I now have the confidence to know what I have always felt is correct.

Roughroad, thanks for your support as well. I wish you well with SH. He really is comforting.