My husband has committed to stay and try to work things out. We are both in counseling. The OW works with him and will be leaving in 16 days. The affair lasted 6 weeks until I discovered it. The OW is also married with a child. Her H had an affair on her before so I don't know if this is pay back. My H states he wants to be with me for many reasons and just needs to work his heart back to me. He began to disconnect from me after a bad miscarriage in which he was really hurt. The A came 6 months later. I am pregnant again and he has treated me differently the whole time. I know I must give it time. My question is I feel he isn't open to connecting with me especially physically. He has a wall up. This wall came up after the miscarriage and during my pregnancy. I wander is he just one day going to feel like being with me in every way. I want to just try everything and see what is there but he states I need to be patient. I hate not being able to be intimate. What are your thoughts on this? Will he just all of a suddent feel like being with me?

durham, he will gradually want to be with you as he withdraws from the OW. You really must give it time.

He has not even ended contact yet, so withdrawal probably won't REALLY start until he doesn't see her anymore. Just SEEING her makes it almost impossible for him to withdraw. Working with her keeps her on his mind.

So, just hang in there and don't give up. Don't nag him about this and be as loving as you can without smothering him. He will come around.

The next 16 days will not produce anything positive for you. Sorry if that hurts, but it is the reality of the situation.

Your WS will have to "grieve" his loss. It really sucks for the BS, but that too, is the way it is.

Being pregnant during these times further complicates your end, with all the extra emotions, but you can survive this. You will need to be the strong, clear thinking 1/2 of the M right now, as your WS is incapable of contributing anything towards meeting your needs, let alone recovery.

Let the next three weeks slip by with as little relationship talk as possible, continue with Plan A and meet as many needs of his as possible, and let this Contact thing come to an end.

Then the work begins. Come here and post often and people will help you through every stage of the process. If you haven't read Surviving an Affair, you should do so immediately, so you have a blueprint to follow in getting through all this.

Take care, and good luck

SD