Stealing this from another thread (on another forum). I posted the answer to a WS who is fighting with the 'right' thing to do right now, but I also feel it's pertinent to many BS's who are struggling through their end of the situation, as well.

I forgot to add that I don't want to count on anyone to make me happy either. I know that's what I've been doing. I guess I’ve been doing it because I’ve lost control and let other people influence my decisions.

BINGO!! You're are TOTALLY on the right track! I figured that out too, and because I've learned how to fulfill my own needs, and make myself happy (without TAKING anything from anyone else) I am much more 'low maintainence'. Most people reach a level of unhappiness in their lives and try different things to 'get happy' again. When it doesn't work they start looking for reasons to blame. The problem is in themselves! We all need to learn how to be happy just being with OURSELF. Happiness is not just a feeling due to some appropriatly pleasing outside stimulus. It's a state of mind. It's a choice. It's an attitude. It's a way of life!

You need to learn how to be happy where you are, before you go trying to find someplace that will MAKE you happy. Then and only then can you truly decide if where you are is a problem.

h4f - nice post.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
WAT
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Summer is a state of mind and I need to adjust my latitude.

I wish I can send this to my WH.

Hi genius!

Love ya,

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Lostnhurt - whether your husband finds his way back or not - YOU can still choose to be happy and continue to have a fulfilling life. It's always harder when your situation is more difficult - but it is still possible.

H4f, thank you. I tried to be happy without him. I am learning. On the other hand, how I want him back. I learn that you are seperated for one year before reconcile. Did you move out or your H? Was is it a Plan B?

H4f:

This is all fundamental.

My W isn't happy, but has gone beyond simply blaming others for her unhappiness. She attributes her anger as caused by someone else or some incident.

Anger is a reaction. A chosen reaction. Angry outbursts aren't just LBs, either, they're WRONG, because they're pitiful, counterproductive self-defense (via offense) mechanisms.

Taking responsibility for one's own happiness, like taking responsibility for one's choices in life, good or bad, is LIBERATING, and is the source of true happiness, in ol' 2long's humble opinion.

-ol' 2long

Hope4future your so right with that statement, our happiness is our own resposability not anyone else's, and only you yourself can do that no one else can. I wish my W would get that but we shall see if she does. She depends on other people for her happiness.

<small>[ April 15, 2004, 01:06 PM: Message edited by: The Tinman ]</small>

Extraordinarly liberating!!! I agree completely! I feel like the 'load' I carry in life is so much lighter now that I'm in control of me!

Lostnhurt - yes, we were apart for a year. I moved out. My husband is a farmer and our house sits on his parents land. It wouldn't have been right of me to stay. ESPECIALLY since I was the one 'running away'. We didn't do Plan A, Plan B or plan anything. Everything we could do wrong, we did!! We discovered this site after we were back together and recovering nicely.