We are 12 weeks since dday. There was a recontact a few weeks ago and a new NC this past week. He was squirming because I had brought this gut feeling up in MC a few weeks ago and he lied and knew I knew.

anyway - trying to move past this - I was half waiting for this because after a 2 yr A, I thought it was too good to be true that it ended that cleanly, I am very hopeful that this is real this time and our MC seems to think so too.

BUT

He is SO angry. He is finding reasons to pick at everything. The shortest fuse I have ever seen him with. Becasue of PTSD and depression for the last few years he has been rather numb with his emotions, but not the last few weeks.

He snaps at everything.

This morning we were cuddling before the alarm went off and he started complaining that this recovery is all I ever think about and it feels like I am shoving it down his throat.

OK? but all I did was tell him I loved him back (he started it) and not say another word.

He is twisting everything and barking at me and the kids. I gently pointed this out to him and he barked that I was wrong.

I guess this is much better than the numb unresponsive man he has been but sheesh!

Is this snappish anger part of the withdrawal?

I am just trying to lay low and be upbeat but what should I expect next?

Yes, this is withdrawal but it is probably much more. I suspect he is looking for ammunition to justify leaving. So I would be real careful right now in your response.

Don't let him bait you into a fight or you are just asking for trouble. I would forgo all relationship talk and just back off. Put on a happy, pleasant front and come here and vent to us to get you through.

I would bet that he JUST ENDED contact and that is why this is happening now.

When he gets irate with you, just show a look of concern and say: "I am sorry you feel so badly today, is there anything I can do to help?"

That puts the onus back on him and deflects his aim at you.

I think this is part of the withdrawl process. My husband is going through the same thing. He is depressed and seems to get angry very easily (as you said the shortest fuse I have ever seen him with). I am trying to put on a happy front but that is hard when you feel like they are always picking at you. My husband has not had contact with the OW for 3 1/2 weeks now. Things will start getting better once the withdraw process is complete.

thanks for your responces -

I think he DID do the NC at first Mel, we were dating and spending alot of time together and feeling pretty ok, then a wall came up. I got that gut feeling (posted it here) and asked him in MC.

I agree with you about him pushing me to be a monster to justify his leaving. He said this morning that we are connected for life he had been talking to his IC and figured this out.But
the way he said it sounded so awful! Like a death sentence

It looks like he had a split self affair. When it began we were at a very good time in our marriage, havig alot of sex, kids finally old enough for us to leave with IL's and we had been traveling. Made no sence

He says it was just an opportunity for kinky sex (she is bisexual and held the threesome promise over his head - he complained to me after first NC - guess I'll never get that threesome now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) Then it snowballed. She also contracted him thru our business and paid him well.

Their affair was not "traditional". We live on the east coast, she is in the mid west and they would meet for business in Florida once a month. It was infrequent. Now the business is over so there is no chance for accidental meetings.

He is feeling very guilty. He is doing so many right things and not telling me, like he cancelled the contract for this business completely (not just her division) and never told me. It would have been a very loving geature to me. I never asked him to, just to end working at her division.

He says this marriage is very important to him and he knows he loves me and wants it to work but is overwhelmed by how hard it looks, that it would be easier to walk away.

Fog talk?

I am trying to stay upbeat, I am going to take your adice and not talk about the relationship. happy nice light -my new mantra!