Had a set back this morning... Need advice QUICK...

My WH ended A and he and the OP have had no contact for several weeks now. He did everything he possibly could to ensure that there would be NC- change cell phone #'s, close email accounts, etc... But the one thing he couldn't do was close his busines- (he is self-employed) So we had talked about what we would do if she ever stopped by his business...
Well this morning he got to work- and was opening and found a letter from OW... He immediately called me- and now we are left with what to do with the letter. It is in a sealed envelope- and says to "please open this before you rip it to pieces"... My H has told me that I can do whatever I want with it and wants me to make that call.... HELP....
We have an idea of what I want to do
Just want to know what others would do- or if anyone else had this happen...
Thanks

I would burn it. What can OW possibly have to say that H needs to hear/read?

Have very similar situation with WW who owns her own biz. Eventually had to get protective order to keep OM away.

If we burn it doesn't she get the satisfication of thinking that it might have been read?

And it might spark another letter....
Like did you get my letter? etc?...

Just a thought...

Ouch,

First, the fact that your H told you and hasn't opened the letter is something you should be excited about! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Secondly, if your H considers the affair to be dead then let it be just that, DEAD! If either you or he open and read the letter it would be like trying to unwillingly bring a dead body that stinks back to life.

Let what is dead remain that way. Don't give any room for the OW to weasel her way into your life or thoughts! What can she say that would in anyway un-do what has been done? Nothing! Even, an I'm sorry and wish you the best statement only serves as a band-aid, when you need major surgery. Anything of that sort may try and diminish the view point of her ultimate WEASEL behavior.

PLEASE DON'T OPEN OR READ THE LETTER.

When your husband comese home, take the letter to your fireplace and both of you burn it togehter and then embrace each other. Thank him in the best way that you can for letting "you" make the call and let him know what that means to you.

One last thing, don't give any hint of insecurity even though it may be a reality.

Titleist

IMO I would try not to worry if OW got satisfaction or anything else for that matter from what she did. If she sends another letter I'd burn it to. My W got caught up in that whole I'm going to do this so he'll do or feel that and he ended up tricking her into a relapse. Just my opinion mind you.

Titlest, Mr. E
Thanks so much for your QUICK help...

BELIEVE ME- IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME THAT HE CAME TO ME AND WANTED ME TO DO WHAT I THOUGHT WAS BEST WITH IT....

I can't believe the POWER that this little piece of paper sealed in this envelope has... IT SUCKS...

But here was my original thought... and my H agrees, with whatever I chose...

I want to send it back unopened- with a typed note "requesting NO further contact"... And that's it on the paper... Nothing more nothing less... SIMPLE to the POINT... She would then know that we havent read it and have NO reason for further contact... At that point if further contact is made- we would have to see about legal action...

To me at least then she knows it wasnt read....
H agrees that it would help him also....
So whatcha think...?
Thanks again for the quick help...

Got a shredder?

How about returning it to her via certified mail --- UNOPENED, of course.

Ouch, I really like your solution, but I would suggest that he write the note and sign it so she knows it comes from him. That will stop this nonsense real quick.

WK-
Actually we thought about return receipt, to just make sure she got it... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I have been following your post- and I have alot of respect for you.... Thanks for sharing you thoughts lately... They have greatly helped OUR recovery...

Sounds like a sound plan and if you two came up with it together that makes it an excellent plan. Good Luck!

Ouch,

The little piece of paper has "ONLY" the "POWER" you give it.

I like the idea of sending it back to her certified. Think about making a copy of the envelope if there's any writing on the outside and keep it with the receipt for the cost of returning it certified. It may help "build a case" if you need to request a restraining order.

DO NOT GIVE THIS MORE POWER! If you view her has having power or control then it means that you don't. I believe you and your H are in total control.

It's great that your husband wants the closure and wants her completely out of your future.


Titleist

Now me......as a FBS, I'd get the letter from my H and read it just so I know where OW's head is at and to know how likely it is that she's going to continue to be a problem. Then I'd burn it. Information is power.

Ouch,

First of all, that is GREAT news that your H told you immediately and let you decide what to do with the letter. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> What a FABULOUS gift! It is so easy for a WS, even when the A is totally forever and ever amen dead and gone, to think "I can't tell W about this; it will just upset her" and keep it a secret. Reward your H grandly for what he did. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'd like to respectfully disagree with those who say to read it or send it back to her. NC means NC and that means both ways. You don't read it, you don't send it back. If you read it, you'll just get upset and want to talk about it and it will dredge up lots of negative emotions. If you send it back, that opens the door for her to ask "Why did you do that?"

Burn it together.

i had originally said send it back but i think i've changed my mind and am going to say "burn it." i wouldn't even burn it anywhere near my home. prayers to you.

<small>[ April 16, 2004, 01:24 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Send it to:

Occupant
1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Washington, D.C.

First, sprinkle it with talcum powder and put OW's return address on it.

I promise this will be quite effective.

WAT

Ouch,

Please don't send it return receipt. I'm sure she hasn't moved and is still getting her mail. The return receipt only drags the process out. She'll think, why did they send it back return receipt? This may prompt another letter. Just send it back, un-opened and certified.

LET THE OLD RELATIONSHIP CONTINUE TO ROT!


Titleist

Ouch - in case you don't like my last idea, and I hope you realize that was a joke, how 'bout sending it to her H if she's married?

Seriously, I endorse mrthrrurbdrr's idea.

WAT

Thanks all..

Believe me all these things have run through my brain.... And the letter is still sitting here, unopened.... Just staring at us... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I actually like WAT's idea... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

We have been sitting here all afternoon tossing these ideas around....

And yes- the idea of burning it together seems very theraputic.... BUT....

I still dont want her to think that it was read.... There was NO FORMAL- "no contact" letter sent- but it ended with WH not wanting further contact.... Maybe sending it back with the note will beyond a shadow of a doubt let her know that NC is just that NC....

And YES YES YES... this is truly a blessing for me to have my WS come to me with this... and have the respect for our marriage and recovery to let me chose what to do with it... But its a double edged sword... While I am rejoicing- its still hard to have this letter here... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

So it is a BIG STEP... And I am sure after we figure out what to do with it... We can both feel better about it- TOGETHER....
And yep... He will definitely know how PROUD I am of him...
Thanks for your QUICK help everyone..
Once again MB to the rescue... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Just had a thought...

What if my H and I burned it...

And took a picture of us burning it and sent it to her.. Kill two birds with one stone...

She would know we didnt read it... And we could burn it...

LOL...

That's a WONDERFUL idea!!!!!!!