How do you compete with the OP, and should you? In my situation OW is completely opposite from me in every way. And all of a sudden in less than a week WS doesn't love me anymore and is completely in love with someone he doesn't even know. I just plain don't understand. She's married and has 2 kids she can't take care of. Had no job when they met. I know I'm much prettier and thinner. Personality wise she has none, plus no morals and values. So I don't understand. Is she more exciting, probably. I mean I don't know. As far as sex goes, I love sex and would have tried just about anything WS wanted. So I don't get it. Now she's having this baby (supposedly WS's) which I can't compete with if I wanted to. WS is living with her and not sleeping with me. So there you have it. What do I do and how do I do it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Yes, you DO compete with OP and you win.

You stay squarely atop the moral highground and there is no contest.

You cannot lose.

Do not, however, try to outdo anything OP does. OP is not the problem - you and your spouse are the problem. OP is merely a symptom of your marriage's problem.

Identify those things you brought to the relationship, or those things you SHOULD have brought to the relationship and didn't, that contributed to the poor marital status.

Find them and fix them. In doing do, you compete against YOURSELF to reestablish or improve the conditions that preceeded the decay of your marriage. OP can't even come close.

Cyn,

I'm sure you've heard of the term "triggers" used here. I want to remind you that "YOU ALONE" have triggers to your H's heart.

Take some time and think about how you were when you first met. Ask yourself about what has changed in a negative way. Think about the way you dressed and way you communicated with him. Plan A is simply about using positive triggers.

Maybe you used to wear a certain perfume when you dated. Put the same kind on the next time he's around. The scent will remind him or when you first met, the good times! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Maybe you dressed differently "more or less" revealing. Dress like you did when you first met, of course in today's fashion. Be pleasant to talk to and be around. Act like you are secure and strong even if that's not a reality. Believe me the OW is acting too!

You have something that she does'nt, HISTORY! Use all of the weapons in your arsenal. Do your best to look your best whenever you see your husgand. Most of us men are extremely visual.

If you think about it long enough, you will realize that the OW really can't hold a candle to you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Confident, sexy, secure and engaging!

Hope this helps.

Titleist

<small>[ April 16, 2004, 12:50 PM: Message edited by: Titleist ]</small>

It's amazing, but I figured there was no way I could compete with OW. She was younger, thinner, prettier. However, you have to stay true to who you are. There is a reason WS married you. You will always have that connection.

And now when I think of OW, it's "How could she even begin to compare?"

Just about anything he wanted for SF hmmm.... what's your #. Just joking I'm madly in love with my wife and after all I am the FS but that comment caught my eye and comments like that or other types, given thought, can catch your WS as well.
In a sense it's a competion but not really with the OW. More like an individual competion where your husband is the judge. That sounds horrible but in a sense it is true. Be the best you you can be, he fell in love with you once and it can happen all over again.

It's really hard to know what to do. Right now he and OW live 90 miles away (he moved there for a job) so I guess the only communication I have is to use the phone. I thought about writing letters but she may read them.

Hi,CYN1018. I think the letters are a real good idea.

I think you WANT her to read them. I think they will inject conflict into you WH and OW`s relationship. You want them to love bust eachother, while you are the perfect loving W.

Write about all the good times you and your H had in the past. You might even want to write about how much your H likes SF with you. That should just rip the the OW apart.

At this point what have you got to lose?

It might make your WH very angry at first because it will be wreaking his R with OW. Just explain to him you love him so much you just have to tell him these things in writing.

Titlest... I read this quote from your post just before WS came to the house yesterday:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm sure you've heard of the term "triggers" used here. I want to remind you that "YOU ALONE" have triggers to your H's heart.

Take some time and think about how you were when you first met. Think about the way you dressed and way you communicated with him. Plan A is simply about using positive triggers.

Maybe you used to wear a certain perfume when you dated. Put the same kind on the next time he's around. The scent will remind him or when you first met, the good times! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Since I am in Plan B I decided to leave before he entered house...He wanted to collect his mail and also was going to some repairs for me...sooooo I sprayed all his mail with my perfume and left two calendars on the cupboard beside his mail that I have made every year except this one...they are pics of special memories in our lives...one contained the birth of our first grandchild in the delivery room standing beside son holding his new daughter...we were all beaming...the next was a group pic of our son's wedding again a happy and joyous day...suppose he thought of me and those memories when he picked up his mail?...

It's really frustrating because at this point I'm not sure if WS will even read any letters or if OW gets the mail she will show them to him. She is a royal witch! Plus now that she is having his baby (supposedly) they have a bond that we don't. We were trying for a child until she came along. At times I feel like we are strangers even though we were together 13 yrs.. It's been 16 mos. since DDay and right now I feel like the OW. He keeps telling everyone how happy he is. (Living in my dream house with her). It makes me sick. And it's not like I can see him because they are so far away now.