My WH is visiting the OW this weekend leaving me to wallow in my misery and leading back to the question of why I want him to come home.

If anyone in the R has an empty love bank friends and family would pick me. Yet here I sit the BS longing for my WH to wake up and come home while he claims that would be the easy thing to do. Then goes on to say no one understands the love he feels for the OW. I do not claim to have been putting in enough love units the last 2 years but can not believe his bank was empty. Perhaps some of those WS out there are just selfish, selfish, selfish and choose to become unfaithful even when their banks not empty.

The way I see it, it is more a story of the OW making large deposits, and your WH's bank being "open for business" than you necessarily overdrawing the bank. Granted, you could probably learn to identify his ENs more readily, make some improvements, eliminate LBs,etc. But, again, it is probably more a story of the OW putting in major deposits...and you and your husband not doing the work to affair proof your marriage ahead of time.

And ths crap he is saying is all FOG TALK. In other words, t-total BS! Take a minute and search for the strand started by Hopeful In NY titled "favorite fog sayings" or "fogese." You will see that they all say the same exact garbage. Young, old, male, female, married a 1 year, married 35 years, all the same old crap. So don't take his fog induced speech about his love for OW. It is a lie, a justification he is making for his actions, and fog, fog, fog, fog, fog, fog, and did I mention, fog. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<small>[ April 17, 2004, 01:34 AM: Message edited by: ChristyV ]</small>

Limbojenn oh Chrisy has it so right it's just fog speak to justify the A. It's amazing how WS follow the script look at the post she suggested.

CV and TM thanks for the replies. Your right his speech is fog talk and I know it. I have seen the post and my WH has quoted many of these fogese sayings. My own personal favorite is that OW is not a bad person and actually tried to give him advice on our marriage.

This weekend was our sons first ever soccer game and my WH flew out to be with OW instead of here. My son thinks WH is "the coolest" and my WH used to return that feeling. To protect my children I have to almost justify their dads behavior. Telling them he loves you, he is sad he is missing your game, he will see your next one. I did fine before and now that his game is over I am falling apart. How long and to what extent is my WH going to adjust his values and morals to keep his R with OW. He swears up and down he will not move out of state to be with OW but how do I trust that?

I hope you took lots of pictures at the soccer game! Whether you did or not, when your H gets home, let him know what he missed. Rather than "attacking" him for not being there, let him know how much fun your son had, how he missed his dad not being there to share his excitement.

And you are right about the love bank. It is not ALWAYS a lack of deposits on your part or too many withdrawals. Sometimes it's esteem issues within the WS himself.