It has been a month since I discovered A. NC will begin in 9 days after she leaves department. My H states that his heart wants to be with her. He has a strong connection. That faded with us. His decision is to stay with me to see if the feelings fade. In many ways I feel like he is still trying to decide even though he states he is staying with me. He doesn't love me anymore. He fell out of love in 5 months. Before that everything was great for 11 years. I hate feeling in limbo. How long do you wait for them to get over this person? I just don't know if he ever will. The A was 6 weeks. I just want to be able to plan my future. I am also 6 months pregnant with our first. We are both in counseling and I have read How to Survive.

Plan A should be called Plan P, where the P stands for Patience. These things take time. Sometimes lots of time. Plan A is about not scaring the wayward spouse away. By not having angry outbursts, making disrespectful judgements or making selfish demands, you make it possible to be in close quarters with you while you work on building/saving your relationship.

What did you read? How to Survive... an affair?

What it seems to me that you are describing is an overdrawn love bank. His feelings have faded for you, but it is possible to grow those feelings again! Read about Emotional Needs. Fill out the questionaires and get to work on meeting them. More patience. After a while you will notice that change is occuring.

Do not let setbacks discourage you.

dewt (who needs to follow his own advice)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by durham76:
<strong> It has been a month since I discovered A. NC will begin in 9 days after she leaves department. My H states that his heart wants to be with her. He has a strong connection. That faded with us. His decision is to stay with me to see if the feelings fade. In many ways I feel like he is still trying to decide even though he states he is staying with me. He doesn't love me anymore. He fell out of love in 5 months. Before that everything was great for 11 years. I hate feeling in limbo. How long do you wait for them to get over this person? I just don't know if he ever will. The A was 6 weeks. I just want to be able to plan my future. I am also 6 months pregnant with our first. We are both in counseling and I have read How to Survive. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What your H is saying is all Fogtalk...typical of a WS...The #1 line is "I dont love you anymore...I never loved you...I fell out of love with a long time ago...etc, etc"...I heard it, and al BS hear it.

My H said the same thing. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> His decision is to stay with me to see if the feelings fade. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He didn't think he would ever love me again cuz OW was his soulmate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> he had sooo much in common with her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> they have great sex <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and the list goes on...Well, here we are and he IS falling inlove with me....not sexually yet, but his feelings are coming back...it will take time and lots of patience. You have to be the strong one...Your H will be in withdrawal and he will go thru a lot of pain. You need to NOT LB him. stay in Plan A.

HTH

My H said the same thing about Loving OW and not me. Yet he also said the next day he would do whatever it took to save our marriage. I agree it is all fog talk. Yet I don't know how long it will last. My H and wants to snuggle and stuff, but will not say those three coveted words. Hang in there with Plan A.