Or is it one step forward? I can't remember...

I figure since I am going through withdrawl I'll post my struggles here. You don't have to post if you don't want to, it's just more of a public accountability thing.

Haven't talked to OM since NC was established. He belongs to a message board that I check out. I don't get involved on the board but I like to see him argue back and forth with people. I asked our IT people to block it so I won't go to it and see it. Anyway, they haven't had the chance to block it and I went and checked it out. I even logged in to see if he PM'ed me. We never communicated through PM's so I don't even know why I bothered.

I immediately told my H. I think he's very disappointed and I am totally bummed. I just didn't want to hide it from him.

I hate this feeling of helplessness... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It happened so quickly - like I didn't have time to think about it even though I did...

Blech!

i think it's one step forward, two steps back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
hang in there, get counseling if you can and aren't already. prayers to you.

THanks RR. Today is another day, full of challenges but I will try yet again. H and I talked about it last night and we both feel better. I just have to keep going to this site. Maybe I should just leave it up all day while I am here at work? I don't think my boss would appreciate it but who cares... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Chackler, I just wanted to say that yes, you did slip up by checking out this website to see what OM has posted BUT....you realized it was wrong and you told your H about it. That is HUGE. He may not show it but that is how you start to rebuild his trust. I don't personally know about withdrawal but you did the right thing to tell H. You're doing great.

IGP -

Thank you for the encouragement. I just hate seeing my husband disappointed in me. He's been through so much lately and I just can't stand the fact that I let him down.

But hey - good news is that I have been here at work and haven't checked that board. Maybe there is hope!!!

I believe that the best of your marriage is still ahead of you. I honestly think that you are putting your husband's feelings ahead of your own and that speaks VOLUMES. Fight the temptation to check in with OM. Give your M the chance it deserves.