Okay, I'm fighting a LB moment right now so this is more venting than anything else.

Now that W's A has been exposed everyone wants to "help" her get through this and continually offers support/advice on and on and rehashing everything which of course serves to keep her stirred up and makes her not want to talk to me because as she says she just wants to get aways from it for awhile. Well last night we had our most meaningful talk since we've begun rebuilding our M. I called her office to this a.m. just to tell her that I loved her and that I thought we had taken a huge step last night, but when I called I'm told that she is busy with a one of our well meaning friends. When she gets on the phone she is obviously in a bad mood so I just say I love you and hope you are having a good day, to which she replies, well I'm not I'm just tired of all of this. I say, I sure wish people would just stop stirring things up and let them rest. She says well I don't need your smart comments too I need to go.

The fight is on... I want to call and tell her that I didn't say anything smart... I want to tell her that it is her friends that she needs to ask to stop talking about it... I want to tell her I don't deserve this and that she should direct her anger into it's rightful place and not at me... I want to tell her that I am the one she should be sharing her EN with not someone else... I want to tell her that I'm mad... awww I can feel the steam leaving me already... I want to tell her that she is wearing me out, that I am tired of trying to carry this M and our family by myself... but I think I'll continue to fight the urge and hope for the best when I get home. Thanks for listening.

that's what we are here for! to cheer you on and support you and listen to vents <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> if it really did help then i'm glad. don't really know about your story but it would be helpful if you could update your signature line to reflect your ages, lenght of marriage, kids, etc. It's just a suggestion and understand if you're not comfortable doing this. It just gives us kind of a snapshot of your story so that we know who is typing the post (WS vs BS). At first when i was reading this post i wasn't sure if you were the BS or WS, just FYI.

are you in counseling at all? of course it's ideal if both spouses are involved in counseling but we know that none of these situations are ideal. counseling can still be very helpful even if it's just you. Highly recommend SH from MB but totally understand about the cost thing. prayers to you.

Hang in there. She is the typical WS. She probably would rather that it all just go away. You need to be the strong one, and lead her back to the marriage. Stick with us, you can do this.

Believer, you hit the nail on the head she just wants to pretend like nothing happened. That was our big talk last night that just ignoring things wasn't the anwer and that at some point we needed to figure out why the A happened. Other main point was honesty. I think she's lied so much for so long that she just lies out of habit even about things that don't matter

RR, thanks for the reply, I should update my tag but for now...
me BS found out about A from OM on day after Valentine's day, ain't that special...
M 11 years, together 12...
4 children 11,4,3 and 6 yo in God's arms....
WW admits EA but PA probable... still working on radical honesty concept but I know EA went on since Sept of 03...
NC letter sent about 4 weeks ago but very complicated story involving protective orders and such

Thanks again for letting me vent and letting me know you are out there

Mr. E, just keep on venting. I am the master of venting here. It has kept me as sane as I could be since January. These great MB folks have jumped in and stopped me every time I wanted to throw in the towel prematurely.

I told my shrink yesterday there really is something to this fog state. There were many occasions I felt like I was talking to an alien with blank, dead eyes. It actually helped me to think of H that way. And the lies, don't get me started! How could this man who never lied to me become so proficient in the art of lying? It's mindboggling! I feel like I finally am starting to see my H again. I'm not getting cocky because one call to OW and the alien might be back. For now he is beginning to remember himself. Actually told me that last night.

Hang in there. A thought that also kept me saner was this one. The realization that it wasn't all about H choosing me, but about me choosing him. Especially because the WS isn't this great prize. More like a Booby Prize! Hang in there Mr.! CV