Alright I am in need of some advice...just a quick recap. My WH had an affair with my best friend and we all went to the same church. Basically the OW does not go to our church anymore and we have not been since DDay (5 weeks ago). I really want to go back to church and have very strong beliefs in the Lord. My family is pressuring me about the time we have missed at church and begging us to come back to church. I really feel it is important also but my husband is not sure he wants to go back to that church. I have asked him if he would be interested in attending another church and he just says he does not know. I know he is still in withdrawl but would it be a Love Buster to try to talk to him about going to church and how important it is for us to be with God in our time of need?? I know lots of you who are talking to SH say not to talk about the M and the troubles until withdrawl is over but how long do I wait before we discuss some of these issues?? I feel like my life is in limbo and we can't move forward...

faithfullogan,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have asked him if he would be interested in attending another church and he just says he does not know. I know he is still in withdrawl but would it be a Love Buster to try to talk to him about going to church and how important it is for us to be with God in our time of need?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It depends on how you do it, IMO. Go back and read about Love Busters.

IMO it's perfectly okay to let him know that you think it's important and to attempt a POJA with him about how to get church back into your lives. I think it's important that you not tell him "it's important for us to be with God..." but that it's important to YOU that you be with God... You're not his Mommy and you can't tell him what to do or make his value judgments for him.

If you demand that he go with you, that would be bad. Or if you make disrespectful judgements and insinuate he's less of a man or not trying or whatever because he's not ready to go to church right now, that would be bad. Obviously angry outbursts are out. No name calling, coffee-cup throwing (even when empty <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ), or flailing on the ground kicking your feet and pounding your fists.

Read it again and if you still have a question come back and clarify. As always, anyone who differs with my opinion is more than welcome to set me straight!

Go back to church quickly. Now is the time that you need the Lord more than ever.

B - I agree with the going back to chuch and needing it now more than ever. It is, however, difficult to go back to a church where all of my memories, revolve around OW and time spent there. It is also difficult to walk in there alone, knowing that a majority of people know that the A occured, which is part of the reason why my husband does not have the courage to go back. I have talked to him about church but he does not seem ready.

Any ideas on how long we get to let our lives hang in the balance? It does not seem like it should be too hard to make a decision on something but it seems to be a big hassle for my WH these days.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I know lots of you who are talking to SH say not to talk about the M and the troubles until withdrawl is over but how long do I wait before we discuss some of these issues?? I feel like my life is in limbo and we can't move forward...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I disagree with this...Even SH doesn't say this. At least he has never said it to me. I approached my H with M talk and it worked. We are human, and SH agrees with this...We, as BS also need SOMETHING...otherwise we will get resentful and that is when the LB's start in.

As far as the church goes. I would not push him. I dont think it would be a LB, but it might intimidate him. Why dont you go on your own and then see if he might follow in the weeks. I learned this long ago with my H and church. I will ask once and then drop it. He has yet to go with me, and when he is ready, if he ever will be, I would be hapy for him to go with me.