-------------------------------------------------posted by PeaceAndLove-------------------------------
my work was same for A. Email & phone with OM. I quit job & now go to school full-time online. OM changed his email address. I try to keep in touch here for advice. I just had "in your face" message from ark under "infidelity movie" thread. I get tired of defending myself. I have enough to deal with getting over A, then get attacked here-I know how whiteknight must feel sometimes. your day will go OK-smile, even when you dont fell like it-some days we all have to fake it!
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I'm sorry if you think you are being picked on, but I think you need to try and understand what people here are trying to do. I read ark's message to you and it didn't seem "in your face" at all, she asked legitimite questions.

ark and a few others have posted some pretty harsh truths to me too. Telling me that I am allowing myself to be abused, telling me that only I can change my life. Basically saying that my H isn't likely to change. People are TRYING to make me see that I need to take control of my own life. No one has come right out and said "leave him" but they have said "go to planB" even though he isn't currently having an affair. Sometimes I want to react the way you did "I'm asking for HELP in saving my marriage, not judgements of my willingness to stay with him!" but I don't react that way because I know they are right. I also know that I'm not going to take their advise. Truth hurts, right? That's why you are taking things the wrong way. They are being said to you in an attemp to help you through this, but because they are hurtful AND truthful, you lash out at the person saying it.

I know you're tired of defending yourself but I'm about to give you something else to defend against. HONESTY is very important in a marriage. Without it you don't have the intimacy required to keep a close bond with one another. You are keeping something very important from your husband, something he has a right to know about. Truly it is not your choice to decide whether or not he can handle the truth, it's his. You said that you won't tell him because "there's suicide in his family" I don't buy that at all! If you were concerned about him commiting suicide why did you have an affair? It seems to me that that would be enough to stop anyone from cheating, it SHOULD be anyway. Infidelity is selfish, not telling your spouse is also selfish. Both are decisions YOU made without his input, both are decisions you made FOR YOU and no one else. You had the affair because you wanted to, you are keeping the truth from your husband because that is easier for YOU. It's unusual for anyone to do wrong and then turn themselves in, if it's a crime you go to jail, if it's a wrong against your family you have to face the music. You don't want to do that because ignoring it makes your life easier. It isn't fair to him, but right now you are stuck on selfish mode.

peace and love...
I did not attack...I really am interested in knowing about your marriage...way more than the OP...he is not your life..while your husband is...

I can apologize that that reality upsets you so much...but you can either try to work through this....or not...

If you find my posts are attacking you...
you should report them...

but I definitely encourage you to seek feedback from me on issues that you feel you need to defend...(although I never asked you to do so...)
and not drag it to other posts without addressing them with me....directly....

a lot of issues seem really important and dire...and often we cling to them to avoid the real issues....

one can get lost in the little stuff and miss the big stuff...

ARK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just had "in your face" message from ark under "infidelity movie" thread </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where did this come from toomanylies???

PeaceandLove
Have you read any of mine or Dadto3boys threads? Take a look at those threads and you will see "in your face" posts! You dont see us crying about it...OK, I did cry about ONE thread, but I got over it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

ARk knows what she is talking about as does everyone else on this board. They dont give advice or sh*t to hurt you, they are trying to HELP you. How can you have a good marriage without HONESTY! Do you expect your H to be honest to you at all times? I would hope so...and if so, then you need to be HONEST with him.

you should take what these people are saying to you and put it to good use. You are still in fogland and maybe you dont want to hear the truth right now. The truth hurts...especially to the betrayer! Get over it! and start mending your marriage the right way WITH your spouse!

Peaceandlove,
It is much easier to get non-biased opinions here and you are getting them. MB'ers aren't here to tell you everything will be OK, that won't do you any good. MB'ers who take the time to try to explain the principle of honesty are being just that with you, honest.

It is not easy to hear sometimes, but those here who respond are trying to help. MANY of us have been on one side or the other of infidelity and DO have advice that can help rebuild your marriage.

As long as you are deluding yourself that you are protecting your H by being dishonest, you are protecting one person, YOURSELF. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm sorry that you are not ready to begin the journey of rebuilding your marriage based on honesty. When you are, there will be plenty here who will help you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by momto3boys:
[QB] [QUOTE]I just had "in your face" message from ark under "infidelity movie" thread </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where did this come from toomanylies???

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> the "infidelity movie thread" PeaceAndLove took something ark said wrong imo. She thought she was being attacked when really she was just being asked the hard questions.

PAL---

Where is the original post that started all this? I'd like to know what you are up to and how you are. I have created another E-MAIL account, so if you want or need to reach me directly, you are welcome to. That offer goes to anyone else too.

Busy weekm this week, but I'll check my e-mail as often as I can.

<small>[ April 20, 2004, 10:56 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight ]</small>

Infidelity-Lifetime movie thread.
I feel bad about all of this, I was too defensive.
everyone on me about revealing A to H. Only I can decide that, & I am trying to get thru withdrawal. things are going better. I am so stressed about my final & essays due. I just signed a contract with a larger newspaper to do some free-lance work, so I need to stay on top of that. My major is journalism, and I enjoy writing, just need to focus on school. take care & slow down for life, smile at a stranger who looks like they need touch of kindness today-pal